Update

Weighed myself again this past Saturday ... another 5 pounds down! That is a total of 9 pounds in 2 weeks. If I could keep this pace up for the last two that I am on the pill, it would bring me to a doable weight to continue on.

I see the pounds coming off the scale, but I do not see a difference in any of my clothes yet ... I am wondering: am I losing inches off my hair? Fingers? Toes? I would love to start seeing the bra changing shape. The waist on my pants get loose .... those are really what I need to see to feel like I am on my way.

This past weekend was nice ... crazy busy, but nice. Friday's weather was AWESOME, so E and I cut out early, ran a few errands and then picked the boys up from school. We went to Durty Nellie's and sat out on the patio. We played in the backyard for a while before the kids went to bed.

Saturday we worked in the yard - in between rain drops. It was EXHAUSTING! We got a babysitter and actually went to dinner ALONE! We went to Pete Millers - one of my faves - and sat in the bar and watched the Hawks game. It was nice ... real nice. I can see that E has been trying to change himself ... which helps me have a different attitude towards him as well. I had a really good time.

Sunday was another day of yard work (and rain) and errands. After Mass we ran to breakfast and saw one of big J's friends. They invited us to a bday party at Chuck E Cheese that evening. Big J had an absolute blast ... (and was pretty peeved when we had to go). It was totally cool to see him interact with a friend. He is like a little person. When people wanted to take their picture Big J would wrap his arm around his friend's back. It made me smile.

So, onto another work week. Gonna try and go to Spin again and continue on the weight loss path. Still wishing I could find a gig to work at home .... anyone know of anything legal? ;)

Progress

So, it has been one week on the Phentermine. Most days I don't even notice that I am taking anything; and there are a few where I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin!

My appetite has been cut in half, if not more. Seriously, I used to walk around all day thinking about food. Now? Yea, not so much. I realize I am full much more easily than before. I am more cognescant of what I eat and how much. Snacking has completely been diminished.

I lost four pounds as of Saturday - and that was during teh week of my period, when I normally am five pounds heavier.

I also started back to Spin class on Monday. I know E hates that he has to get up with Little j (since the kid REFUSES to sleep past 6), but I need this. And, once I was on that bike, I realized how much I really missed going all of the time!

Three more weeks of my "help" and then I am on my own ... I would LOVE to REALLY make progress these few weeks so that I am ahead of the game.

WTF?

How is it that E was gone for 14 months and, looking back, I actually had MORE time to MYSELF than I do right now?

I swear. He freaking now works from home - so when I come home, there he is. On nights that we have nothing planned, we are doing some effing project or cleaning something, or putting something together. When I DO have time to myself, it is actually spent cleaning the effing messes that everyone around here makes: dishes, laundry ...

If I don't get a few hours to myself in this house ALL BY MYSELF I am going to crack. Seriously. I am talking full out mental breakdown.

I.am.going.insane!

Who cares?!?!

I may be a little late in this line of thinking. But I have NEVER understood the whole Presidential Pet thing.

Who gives 2 craps if they have a cat named Socks or a freaking poodle named Cocoa?

Does anyone give a shit if my boys have a pet? Nope. So why should I give a crap about kids sitting up inside the White House with a mother that thinks she is a gift to all womanhood??????

Seriously. We are in a recession. This President claims that he "understands." Yet, we are focusing on a freaking poodle, rather than people getting laid off, Somalian terrorits (yea, Pirate is a complete joke), Iranian "peace" talks ... and the list goes on.

I do not care about the freaking White House puppy I hope he poops on the Oval Office rug.

And it went by in a flash

Phew. I am tired! Holy week and Easter have always been a busy time in my family ... but now with work, 2 kids, a husband and a home "under repair" I feel like the past 4days have been a blur!

Big J came with me to Good Friday service. He was actually a very good little boy. He slept through the Passion. And was exceptionally quiet throughout the service. He LOVED going up to venerate the cross, and even made me take him up at the end so he could do it again.

I spent that evening baking the lamb cake and pound cake (all the while hanging out with a friend) ... pics to come soon.

Saturday morning Big J was overjoyed that we were going to food blessing. I love that tradition. We prepared our baskets and he was so proud that he got to carry his own. He piled it high with eggs and candy and bunnies. As soon as the food was blessed, he turned to me and said, "now I can eat it all, right?" LOL!

I cooked more food on Saturday and became increasing aware that I was going to have way to much ... but you cannot buck tradition!!! ;)

As I was getting ready for Easter mass, Big J came into the bathroom. He looked at me and smiled. He said "Mommy, you are beautiful. Princesses are beautiful. You are a princess." *tears - lots of tears* We went to Mass on Sunday morning. It was nice... E came too. His family got to our house around 2:00. I truly don't think I ever sat down yesterday. Seriously.

Here was our menu:
Asparagus Roll-ups
Smoked Salmon spread
Tangerine glazed ham
grilled Polish sausage
wedding noodles (egg noodles with cream of chicken soup)
Spring pea salad
Spring marshmallow Jello salad
Ginger Lemon Steamed veggies
Sauerkraut
Pineapple Upside Down Cake martinis
Lamb Cake
Pound Cake

I think I fed an army!!!! ;)

I had to be in the office all day today ... and I will tomorrow too. :( Such a rough start to the week!

By the way, I had my follow up doctor appointment on Thursday afternoon. She prescribed Phentermine to me for 30 days. Its a stimulant and she is hoping this might jump start my metabolism and get the pounds off. After that, I am to go it alone for 5 months. At that point, if I am having issues still, she wants me back.

Wish me luck!

I want to be ....????

What do I want to be when I grow up?

Shoot. I wish I would have been one of those kids, whom, when asked this question, would TOTALLY know what they wanted to do. You know the types: "Susie, what so you want to be when you grow up?" "I want to be a doctor."

Yea. That wasn't me. What did I answer? A rock star. A freaking rock star. THAT was a brilliant idea.

Actually, what I always knew, was that I just wanted to be my Mom. I wanted to support my husband, raise my children and take care of our house. I knew that from way back. But, suddenly that became un-cool. You HAD to pick something.

So, I went to a college prep high school. I was smart. Not genius smart ... but A's and B's (at Benet Academy that aint no slouch). I was ranked 57 out of 312 when I graduated. Yet, still, I didn't know what I wanted to do.

My Dad had always promised us that we could go where ever we wanted to go for school. He would pay for 4 years and 4 years only. I had friends going to Notre Dame, Duke, schools that cost arms, legs and bodies. After thinking about it (and being the world's BIGGEST chicken shit), I figured it was stupid to pay $50,00 a year for something that I had no clue what to do. State school would be fine for me.

UCF was great. I am proud of my school, and getting prouder. But even after I started, I STILL didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. Stupid me, even though I was VERY good at math and writing, I was sick of them, so I picked a major based on NOT having to do those things.

Criminal Justice degree here I come. Could I have been any more retarded? I wanted to "help" people. Duh. Whatever.

I graduated. And STILL didn't know what I wanted to do. My first job was at Best Buy because I couldn't find anything I wanted to do. Real impressive to tell the folks that want you at a 5 year reunion (thank God I lived in Florida at the time).

I finally got a job in my field working at a children's treatment center. Basically, I was an underpaid, overworked babysitter. These kids, mostly juvi kids, were nuts. I spent most of my days putting kids in holds, tackling them when they were trying to run and stopping hall riots. The day I broke my finger was when I had had enough.

I saw an ad in the paper to be a customer service rep at T Rowe Price. No experience needed - they would train you - you just needed a degree.

I got the job and it felt good to put on "work clothes" and go to work. But I still didn't feel it. For some, this was their dream job, getting their foot into the door in the financial industry. I just knew it was a good paycheck and I wasn't getting spit upon.

I moved from T Rowe to where I am now (it will be 10 years in June). I have enjoyed certain aspects of my career. But, as most of you have read from my previous posts, I hate most of it.

I am constantly trying to figure out what "job" would make me happy. I want to do something for myself. I know what I enjoy. I know what I am good at. But can they make money?

The biggest question for me is this: will I have time with my children. I didn't have babies only to drop them off to be in someone Else's hands 50% of the time.

What do I want to be when I grow up? I still think I know my answer. The pay isn't great. It is a dirty job and you NEVER get vacation. But the rewards are Heavenly. I want to be "mom."

Random thoughts and a bunch of etc, etc, etc.

Why is it that the small things drive E nuts ... but when it comes to relaxing with small things, he doesn't get it????

Why do my children insist on whining incessantly ... I mean ... ALL the effing time? Why?

Why are guys assholes? Why is it that they think they are centers of the universe. Don't think your assholishness won't come back to bight you in your ass!!!!!!!

It is cold here still. Shit. It really is. I am sick of it. Sick.Of.It. Al Gore - you are an idiot.

Easter is coming. Easter is a CHRISTIAN holiday. Yes, I know we forget that ... because in the "PC" world it is about bunnies, candy and egg rolling. But, why the eff id Obama the Antichrist insisting on turning the White House Egg Rolling Contest into an effing Gay Pride event. I hate him. I do.

Why can't I have the life I used to have with this job? Gone 3 days out of the week. Work from home 2 days a week. Boss was supportive. People were considerate. Now I am go- go - go 5 days a week ... the pay doesn't equal the job and the boss is ignorant. Yippee.

I go to the doctor tomorrow. We are going down the next avenue for this weight struggle. 3 months since the last visit and 0 .... ZERO ... pounds list. Ugh.

How long are they going to keep sending the synpathy/ pc votes coming in for Scott on AI ... OK - so he is blind. That is no biggie ... but it gave me the creeps yesterday when he was singing and he just looked crazed. Seriously.

E is on the home fix it warpath .... while I am happy about this; my house is in utter chaos. Things everywhere. Tools on my dining room table. Chair rails off the walls and on the floors. Furniture piled in my bedroom. A front door I cannot use. AGH!!!!!

I am hungry. I am at work. I forgot to bring stuff. Oops.

Mother Effer .... here we go again!

OK ... so the latest from "Big Brother" ....

Now I get to hang out with "bossman" every freaking 3rd Friday so he can see what I do in the field (I freaking work, dumbass).

Not THAT big of a deal ... I will do it. My beef? Did he ASK me about my schedule ... did he TALK with me? NOPE. He made his decision and then TOLD me.

Of course, I look at my calendar for the next few months and every 3rd Friday was the day I chose as a day for a pediatrician appointment, an admin day, Cubs tickets (ie I work half, take half off) .....

In the meantime the Army has allowed E to work from home. He has the effing audacity to call me, while I am in the office, the day after I told him how disgruntled I am at work, to tell me how much he LOVES working from home ... blah, blah, blah. WTF ever.

Shit. I hate my job.

(OK ... its Holy Week ... and once again, my potty mouth rears its ugly head when I talk about my stinkin job. oops.)

The "windy" City

We have a grand example of our government at work, here in Chicago.
The fat head mayor Daley (who thinks he is an important piece of the puzzle in the nation ... when in reality he is a mere speck) wants the Olympics here in Chicago in 2012. I think he is nuts; but that isn't my issue.
The City cops (whom I work with on almost a daily basis) have been trying to sign a contract with the City for 2 years now. These cops are the same people who protect us every day. Are there some bad seeds? Sure. But, overall, they work hard trying to keep a big City sane.
While Daley and his comrades have all gotten 6% raises in this economy, the CPD (and the CFD) have gotten nothing. They have also now been told that they won't, because of this economy.
OK ... but, Daley wants them to work even HARDER in 4 years when the Olympics could be here? Daley is also hiring in PRIVATE security for the Games as well? What an effing slap in the face!
So ... the IOC is here today and the Fraternal Order of Police and have decided to use today to hold a protest at City Hall.
Good for them. They have been given the shaft from quite some time - a nasty politician (not a former cop) was appointed their Chief (and inept one at best). They have no contract. They get retro pays every few years, which screws them every time with their taxes.
Where are our stinkin priorities? Who are more important: councilmen ... or the men who defend them?

Are we "back to normal" yet?

So, I haven't really "blogged" on a while ... life, as I know it, as been in complete chaos.

E returned on March 18. My parents got here on March 19. Little j's party was on March 21. The squabbling between my husband and my Mom ensued on March 22. My parents left on March 23. I went back to work on March 24 and I haven't blinked since.

The boys are nuts since E came home. Sleeping schedules are off. Manners are gone. Quiet nights and routines? Out the window.

And E? Shoot ... he still lives in his own world, with a bit of us thrown in. Its like living with a 3rd child, seriously, it is!

Everything that we put off for the 14 months that he was gone, suddenly has to be done. NOW. Handy men, HVAC men, furniture stores. I haven't been able to catch a breath, but our calendar is booked and the checkbook is getting thin.

I thought I would be calmer once he returned. I thought I might be able to "get stuff done" when he returned. Life is still the same for me ... with more added on the plate.

WTF?