Sickies ....

On the train an hour earlier than usual.

Day care called, Big J has a fever and we needed to come get him. He had a runny nose yesterday and complained about a headache this AM, so I am sure it is his sinuses.

Praise God E was able to work from home and go get him at noon.

I am headed home early to pick up little j (just in case he is fighting something off - I would rather have him at home).

Of course, we leave for Florida on Friday morning.

Always something. Never sick on a day when I am already headed home, or on a weekend when I can curl up with them. :(

We will put Taco Tuesday on hold for today an I will be warming up leftovers for this evenings supper .... hopefully the kiddos will be healthy tomorrow morning!

And so ... I cried

We had a day off yesterday. Big J, little j and I.

I rarely get the government holidays off, so it was nice to look forward to that, especially as Sunday night came to a close (Especially a Sunday that was spent in the bathroom, puking my guts out from drinking the previous night ... I shall digress).

We took our time getting dressed in the morning ... wandered around in our PJ's for a bit. I put dinner in the crock pot - pot roast (it turned out fabulously!) so I wouldn't have much more to do throughout the day.

We went to Wildberry for breakfast. I had a Spanish omelette, Big J and S'mores pancakes and little j had Fruity Pebbles pancakes (not the healthiest - but they actually ate!). It was an enjoyable meal and I didn't have to yell at them too much!

After breakfast, we drove over to see Daddy at his office, since, with Big J's school schedule, we really don't get to do that too often. The kids were excited; I think E was too.

We headed to Target and each of the boys carried a $5 bill that my Grandma had sent them for Christmas. We bought the game Operation. They were psyched.

We got home, ate some fruit (who were these kids??) and laughed our asses off while playing the game.

little j took a nap. I shoveled the snow and did my Boot camp DVD.

When little j woke up, the three of us went sledding before the snow turned to sleet/rain.

We, again, laughed our asses off! little j ended up in the weeds a few times and even he, the kid that cries at everything, laughed!

We went home, had some hot chocolate, the boys played Lego's and blocks and I finished off the pot roast.

Before dinner they set the table, picked up some toys and waited for Dad to come home. We ate dinner together. BOTH boys ate everything.

After dinner, Big J requested to wash the dishes, and he actually did a good job. little j wanted to help too, so he wiped the table and floor from dinner.

I think I was walking around in la-la land.

After the boys were tucked in, and I watched my DVR'ed Bachelor and Being Erica, I went to check on them before I called it a day.

I held each of them for a bit, remembering what they were like when they were small .... really small. And, with each boy, I cried.

We had a good day. For the first time, in a very long time, I wasn't frazzled with them, overwhelmed with them, tired of them. I had a good day with them and that made me happy.

And so ....

I cried.

National Walk to School Day

Big J walked the entire mile and a half to school .. and was so excited when his principal and teachers met him on the way!!

I think it's a pretty cool day to "celebrate" ... beats National Doughnut Day!!!!

The things they say ...

So, I took Big J to 5:00 Mass this week. It was the start of Respect Life month.

During the homily they had a speaker from the Respect Life office and she was talking about examples of pro-choice decisions society makes on a daily basis.

Big J asked what she was talking about and the conversation went something like this:

J: Why do you look like you are going to cry Mommy?"

Me: "Because people make dumb decisions and hurt poor babies and sick people."

J: "Isn't that why you don't like Obama ... cuz he hurts babies."

Me: "Yep."

J: "What is that called again?"

Me: "Abortion."

J: "What's an abortion?'

Oh dear ......

Me: "Well, it is when a lady decides she doesn't want to be pregnant any more, so she decides to kill the baby."

J: "How do they do that?"

Oh God ...

Me: "They stick something inside the Mommy to kill the baby."

J: "Does it hurt the Mom?"

Me: "Yes, it does."

J: "Does it hurt the baby?"

Me: "Yes, very much."

... seconds go by ...

Big J looks at me, puts his head on my arm and says: "I am sure glad you were happy to be pregnant."

Me: "Me too bud."

26 hours squeezed into 24 hour days

The whirlwind tour of school started last week

Wednesday was Big J's walk-through. We met his teacher, saw where he would put his backpack, looked around his room.

He enjoyed being there, he even asked if we could stay for a bit so he could play with some toys. We had paperwork to fill out anyway ... so we stayed. It was kind of cool when I overheard him saying to another little boy, "Hi, my name is "Big J', what's your name?" I was pleased that some of our teachings about manners and etiquette had paid off!

That evening we made Big J's favorite dinner: shrimp, and enjoyed some family time. We prepared his backpack, got his clothes laid out and by 8:00 he was in bed and snoring! ;)

I set my alarm on Thursday morning, even though I had taken the day off of work, to make sure I was up and ready to go for Big J. He beat me to the punch. Right after my alarm had gone off, there he was, dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go! I wondered if this would continue after the first day?!

I made him some pancakes, let him watch a Scooby-Doo and then little j, E, Big J and I all headed across the street to wait for the bus. Big J did great. little j, not so much.... he so badly wanted to go with his brother on the bus. I had to walk away and sit on the front step and watch Big J leave from afar since his brother was acting so badly. Once he stepped on to the bus ... that is when my tears started. I really didn't think I would cry ... I didn't feel it ... but, apparently, I needed to!

I spent the next few hours getting laundry done, getting the oil on my car changed (way, way, way overdue) and working out with little j counting everything down for me. Around 11:00 I started to clean up and prepare for the bus to drop Big J off at 11:51.

As we were walking out to wait for the bus, we noticed that there was a message on the machine. Apparently the note I wrote was misplaced and the school decided to send him to day care rather than home. Crap!!!!! Just what I needed on the very first day. So I left E at home, just in case they sent him home, and I high-tailed my ass over to day care, where a blotchy faced kid just got dropped off :( He was so excited to see me!!!!

The four of us went to Rainforest Cafe to celebrate the first day. He told us about recess and his school day and then we just had fun. We came home and he and I spent time painting a bird feeder he had gotten for his birthday and then we worked on Lego's .... I actually loved being a stay-at-home mommy; it felt incredible.

Friday was a different story altogether. I had to get to work early (so I could be back for the bus to drop off), so E took Big J to the bus. Big J cried hysterically, the same way he has been at day care for the last month or so. Great. Just what we need. E said he just kind of placed him on the bus and left ... what else could he do?

So, I waited for Big J after school and when the bus dropped him off ... little j did his happy dance and we all went inside to eat lunch. While we were waiting for the bus, day care called and wanted to make sure Big J was in the right place.

I called back. I got more info than I needed or wanted.

Apparently Big J and his friend, Alex (one of the boys that came to his birthday party that I could have done without) were arguing/playing/fighting on the bus and Big J somehow managed to give Alex a bloody nose. Great ... just what I need now! The last thing we need to deal with is getting our bus rights revoked; then I am in a real world of crap trying to figure out the logistics of that mess!!!!

I gave Big J an ear full. It turns out, they were playing, and nothing was meant badly. But my issue is the fact that for over a year now, I have been trying to tell Big J that we do not put our hands on our friends while we are playing. His buddy AJ is big into the wrestling thing and we have gone through hundreds of requests from day care to separate the two of them because they cannot tone it down. (Another side note - AJ's mom? Worthless. Could care less. Thanks for the help lady.) Here we go again.

So ... all weekend we talked about how to play, how not to play. We hoped and prayed Monday would go better.

Waiting for the bus? Another tearful and hysteria filled wait. It really gets my day started on a great foot, let me tell you!!!!! Once again, I helped Big J on the bus, dropped little j off at day care and then headed off to work. I promised the boys that if I got done in time, I would pick them up early and we could head to the pool (its the last week it is open).

Well, I got there on time, but Big J told me to come back and pick him up later since he was headed outside to play with his friends?!?!?!? On that note, when we got home, I told him that I wouldn't listen to the tears before school anymore... since he is obviously fine and hanging out with his mom isn't really that big of a deal.

Turns out, he didn't cry this morning.

Go figure. Let's see what happens tomorrow when I drop him off!!!!

Oh yea, remember how he got himself dressed on his own that first day? Hasn't happened since! And the bus ride after school on Monday? Joshua told Alex he had to sit next to someone else for a few days. :) At least we are 1 for 2!!!!

So ... we made it through the first week of school. It was crazy and hectic ... and I want my old routine back. I am not one of those moms who sings the praises of the start of the school year since, quite frankly, this has added a whole new can of crap to my day. To my stay at home moms, kids going to school means more time for them. For me, it just means more chaos.

You know my plate? The one that has been full for a while now? Well, that plate is starting to spill onto the carpet.

But, just like everything else, I will survive somehow!!!!

Restart?

There is a shift happening; some sort of cosmic alignment of the stars. There has to be. My world feels like the Earth tilted a little bit extra on its axis. I am out of sorts ... completely.

Big J turned 5 on Sunday. He starts Kindergarten on Thursday. My baby is a boy. When the hell did that happen?

We went to get his pictures taken last Friday afternoon. When I was sitting in front of the computer screen looking at the proofs, I kept thinking to myself, "Something is wrong. What looks so wrong with him?" I even wondered if he was "cute" anymore (and immediately felt like a bad Mom) ... and that is when it hit me. He isn't cute anymore. He lost all hints of being a baby. There are no more wrinkles of skin on his hands. There is no more chubbiness in his cheeks. His face has narrowed. He is a young man. He looks handsome.

He has also become a little punk too! He has this attitude about him. He is King of the pout. King of the Last Word. King of the "HMPFs!" He loves to talk back, loves to shake his head like a diva (are boys supposed to do that?????). It is so stinking annoying. I miss my sweet boy. Every conversation with him involves me saying, "J that isn't funny, knock it off." I miss my sweet innocent boy ... where did he go???

His big boy 5th birthday party was on Saturday. He invited two of his friends from day care ... want to talk about wimpy? The two boys, one was actually a first grader, just stood on the patio while Big J, little j and a few friends of the family played games. They kept saying that they were hot and wanted to sit inside with the air conditioning. I finally relented after about 30 minutes because I just couldn't take the whining any more! My house was destroyed and they were only there for two hours! I guess we have hit the time in life where parties are separated, one for family, and one for friends (and from now on, that one from friends is OUTSIDE of my home).

Big J got Lego set after Lego set for presents ... no more cars, trucks, trains or dinosaurs. Now it is Lego Pirate forts or rescue ships. The kid can actually sit for hours trying to piece these puzzles (meant for children ages 7-10) together.

Where oh where has my baby gone?????

And now, tomorrow, I am going to "Meet the Teacher" at school. Meet the Teacher?????? Holy Crap .... KINDERGARTEN! KINDERGARTEN! KINDERGARTEN!!!!!!

I am just a bit freaked out .... I feel like everything is changing all at once and I am trying to figure out just how to handle it all. I have spent five years getting to know my son. Five years learning how to handle work and day care, trying to always show him that he is my priority, not work. And now, suddenly, in the blink of an eye, my son has changed. My life has changed. My world ... it's changed.

I feel like its back to square one .... no one told me this. No one prepared me for this in any book or child birth class. No one told me that you would mourn the little dude that once toddled down the hall yelling for you. No one told me that you would want to smack your lovely 5 year old upside the head and then cradle him in your arms all at the same time. No one told me that I would cry my eyes out, not because he is going into Kindergarten, but because he is different and I have to learn who he is all over again.

Big J is all gown up ... and I have NO clue how to be a Mom to him .... Guess I better start learning!

It is all freaking me out

Little j woke up last night at 1:00. I sat with him for about a half hour until I thought he was asleep. I quietly tiptoed out the door, not shutting it for fear I would wake him up. That bit me in the ass.
About an hour later he was in our bed, stretching and kicking all the while. I just laid there and watched the clock. As I watched the clock, thoughts raced through my brain. My anxiety started to kick in. I began to focus on my Mommy job .... on Big J starting kindergarten in two weeks.

Two weeks?!?!?!

I have a child old enough to go to school?!?!?!

Holy crap!

Then I began to think of all the things I didn't know about the first day.

What do I do?
Where do I go?
DO I drop him off?
Do I walk him in?
DO I have him bring all of his supplies on that first day or should I wait until the second day?
What do I do if he cries?
What do I do if I cry?
DO I go back in to pick him up?
Should I let the bus take him home?
Where the hell does the bus pick him up or drop him off?

These thoughts kept randomly popping through my head making my heart pound louder each time. I am repeating my first day anxiety all over again ... and I am not going to school.

Needless to say, I never fell back to sleep ... I hit the gym at 5:40 and I vow to myself to get some of my questions answered this week, hoping that will help my insomnia.
Here's to being scared of the first day of kindergarten! Jeesh ....

An extra 2 feet for luck?

I bought Big J some new gym shoes last week. He seems to go through gym shoes monthly ... they must drag their toes on the cement when they have outside time at school.
Anyway ... I brought the shoes home and he wanted to play ASAP in them (he thought they were going to make him run super fast).
I put on the shoes, double knotted them (I could have quadruple knotted them) and sent him on his way.
Next thing I know, he is yelling for help and sitting on his bike in the middle of the sidewalk.
When I walked over to him, I noticed that his shoelace had wrapped itself around his bike pedal.
The next day I went to Target and bought new, appropriate length, shoelaces.
Now, I wouldn't think anything if this was the first time; but, I have had this issue in the past.
I buy these children's shoes, for little feet and we get these shoelaces that could tie up combat boots!!!
WTF?
Do they really think we need shoelaces that long? What do they propose we do with all that excess???
Am I alone out there????

Lullaby and Goodnight

What is a girl to do?

My 4 year old has decided that going to bed is no longer easy for him. He is no longer tired. He no longer needs more than 8 hours of sleep. Ugh.

E hasn't been helping at all for the past few months. While he was overseas and at Ft Bragg, Big J was a prince when it came to going to bed. We had this great routine. Teeth, potty, book, nightlight, sound machine, prayers and then "goodnight." If he couldn't sleep, he was allowed to go read a book near his nightlight, but no getting out of bed and wandering around to find Mommy or tell her "just one more thing."

Well, E has decided that laying with Big J is a good thing. the issue? E doesn't just lay there. He sleeps. There are some nights that I will go to check on him and Big J will be awake while Daddy is sleeping. WTF?

Big J is a great negotiator. he loves to see if Daddy can "stay with him," or read "one more book."
I have talked with E about this situation ... I know Big J won't be 4 too much longer and some day he won't want us to stay. But if we ever want sanity around here, or time to get chores done or, gasp, "Mommy/Daddy time," our children to need to go to bed at decent hours.

So, last night, little j went down at 7:30. Fine. Big J was in bed at 8:00. He came down at 8:30 while we were watching our DVR'ed episode of 24. We told him to go up. He peed at 9:00. We heard him walking around at 9:30. When we were going to bed at 10:00 he was still wide awake. Ugh.

So ... starting today. No caffeine after 4:00. None. i don't care who is drinking pop he wants to try. I don't care how much chocolate is on display for dessert. No caffeine for you! Also, on weekends, especially Sunday when we know we have to get up for work/school the next day, no nap.

Wish me luck on this one. I need some ALONE time. I need some "I get to watch whatever I want on my TV" time. My children need to sleep better and become the good kids I know, not the cranky ones that have been around lately!

2009 recap ... 2010 preview

Seriously, where does the time fly to? Is there a place in the great big blue sky of ours that sucks up your vacations and weekends and spits our weekdays back out at us? Last time I blinked it was Thanksgiving. Now, it is January 5 and I have no clue how I ended up here and where the month of December has gone!

Christmas was a beautiful holiday - it always is, no matter where we are or who we are with.

The few days prior to Christmas I spent time getting things done. I worked that Monday - E had to go to attend a funeral of his Uncle - so I had the boys in school. I kept them in school that Tuesday as well, and I took a day for myself. I spent most of the morning at physical therapy (will explain that in a later post), ran to Target, DSW (got a cute pair of black boots), and met a girlfriend for lunch, that included a nice glass of wine. I was planning on getting all of my wrapping finished that afternoon, but the snow needed to be shoveled and E was still gone.

Damn snow.

The boys and I spent our first day of vacation at home. We chilled on the couch,baked and decorated Christmas cookies, wrapped Christmas presents and then spent the evening (and into the night) at my Uncle's house (lots of wine ... and some Prohibition era Whiskey was ingested by yours truly!). I am always so glad to have he and his wife so close to me ... it gives me a flavor of being with my Dad, without being with my Dad.

Christmas Eve was a short day - we went to 3:00 Children's Mass. It was nice - not powerful Midnight Mass nice .... but when they had Santa come down the aisle and silently lay presents in front of the manger I shed a few tears!

That night, E, the boys and I enjoyed a quiet evening at home. We watched some Christmas movies, I made some roasted turkey and potato soup, a few martinis for myself ... it was enjoyable. I did miss my family ... but I always do, so I didn't let it stop my nice time. I stayed up late, drank some more adult beverages and wrapped all of Santa's toys.

Our tree looked like it exploded at that point.

Christmas morning was awesome. Actually, that was the word of the day, "awesome." Everything that Big J opened was "awesome" and "just what I asked Santa for!" ... it was too cool. Little j just wanted to play with stuff ... thankfully, since Big J had just a few more gifts to open than he did!

After all was said and done our living room looked like a Toys R Us and puked all over the floor! No one was let down this Christmas.

Oh yea - I got my Wii fit! I haven't had a chance to use it yet ... but it is on my radar!

E's parents and sister came up for dinner that afternoon. We exchanged more presents and enjoyed the evening.

That Saturday I took Big J to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert. Hands down - best concert I have ever attended. He loved it (slept through about an hour of it - but loved it just the same). Before the concert we went out to lunch at Harry Carrey's ... he got a cheeseburger bigger than his head ... it was sweet to be out with my big dude, just he and I.

We got to talk to Grandma and Grandpa and Aunties from Florida that night via webcam for Christmas. Big J showed off all of his new toys and little j kept looking behind the laptop to see how everyone got there! It was priceless!

The next day was "let's get organized day." All new toys were added to toy bins or new bins were created. Some old toys were added to the donation pile as well. I couldn't take the chaos any longer ... I needed to see my floor once again!

The next few days were spent hanging out, going to kids' play places, breakfasts, lunches, dinners .... while it is stressful to be a stay-at-home-Mommy ... I loved it. I loved devoting my time and energy to my little guys.

I did have the opportunity to escape one evening to meet up with a "friend" from high school. I use the term "friend" loosely to describe N. I don't really think I ever even spoke to her in high school. As a matter of fact, I would be hard pressed to figure out if we even shared a class! Well, through this Facebook thing, we have been chatting back and forth and decided that it was time to chat over adult libations.

She was visiting her folks and we met one evening for a couple beers. It was a BLAST. I wish she lived closer to me so we could do this as a regular thing ... but I have a feeling we will be meeting up quite a bit in the future, even in spite of our distance.

It often makes me wonder. Why wasn't I friends with her in high school? Did we have this much in common and not realize it? Or, did we grow and mature and become who we are now over time? It certainly makes for good conversation.

Anyway .... New Years crept up on us. We took the boys over to friends' house. They played in their basement with their kids while the "big people" sat upstairs and chatted and drank. We celebrated a "midnight" around 10:00 for the kids and then headed home. Big J stayed up with E and I until the "ball dropped" ... I crashed after ... he and Daddy stayed up until 1:00?!?!?!??!

How does a 4 year old do that??

The rest of our vacation was nice. I spent a lot of quality time with Big J and little j and going back to work sucked. But, I did it and I am looking forward to my next time off with the boys.

So ... as I reflect on the past year ... there were highlights and low lights:

• E finally made it home last March.
• Little j is walking, talking and terrorizing his Mommy ;)
• Big J has become a little boy, full of attitude and passion.
• I lost 30 pounds (woohoo!); only 30 more to go!
• I read books throughout the year - like I wanted to.
• I named my business, started my website and got a plan in place.
• I created deeper bonds with some, broke some with others and continue to learn about myself through them all.

Things I want to accomplish this year (call them resolutions if you will):

• Lose 30 more pounds.
• Get my pictures either in scrapbooks or in plain old photo albums ... just as long as they are displayed somehow.
• Clean up my potty mouth. I talk like a trucker. Not good.
• Deepen friendships; make more time for them.
• Deepen the relationship with my husband. Sometimes I feel more like his roommate than his wife - I want more than that.
• Enjoy the time with my children more ... work is not that important. They are.
• Pray a rosary at least once a week.
• Strengthen the relationship with my parents ... seems that they are a bit guarded lately and I don't like it.
• Visit my grandmothers more often ... who knows how much longer they will be around.
• Curb the complaints ... life aint that bad.
• Get my company up and running ... get a few steady clients.

There you have it .... let's see if I can stick to it!

That is NOT the potty ...

I was going to bed on Friday night, just finished brushing my teeth, when I heard the moan of Big J coming from his room. He had gone to bed quite late and pretty much passed out when his head hit the pillow. I thought maybe he had to pee so I ran down the hall.
In the silhouette of the nightlight, I saw him standing in the middle of the room, naked from the waist down, holding his little "package" and wailing. I flipped on the light, thinking he wet the bed.
Nope, no such luck. Instead, in his stooper, he must have had to pee, thought he ran to the bathroom, and proceeded to pee all over the front of his dresser.
There was pee everywhere .... spalshed on the wall, on his Crayola glow board, pictures of Mommy and Big J, and a long trail on the carpet. Lovely.
I asked him what he did ... no response. He was still sound asleep.
I cleaned him up, cleaned the pee off of the picture frames, dresser drawers, books and toys and put Big J back into bed, where he didn't even flinch.
Seriously ... girls don't do this shit. What is up with that?!?!??!?!

Counting sheep ...

Spent the morning talking/lecturing Big J on his sleep issues lately. A four year old needs more sleep than he is getting.
Once Summer hit, I pushed his bed time from 8 to 9 ... it gave us time to play outside, eat a late meal, and quite frankly, it wasn't dark at 8:00 for him to even be ready to sleep.
Lately, a 9:00 bedtime ends up being 9:45, with ME being more exhausted than he! I have tried starting our routine (which has not changed in two years) at 8:45, 8:30, shoot, even 8:15 ... nothing has seemed to help. He whines that he isn't tired, has to go tell Daddy "one more thing," and shuffles around the bathroom before getting his teeth brushed. It is always one more glass of water, one more hug or one more time to go pee.
He also cannot seem to let us leave his room without starting to cry and asking us to "stay with him." It pulls at your heart strings, but for his sake, and ours, he has to get to bed and start giving us Mommy and Daddy time again.
He also has been whining about taking his naps, both at school and at home. I understand that some kids give up their naos around his age, but, when your child is a nasty, cranky ball of tears by 4:30 ... he still needs a nap.
so, this kid, who no longer naps and who is probably finally falling asleep around 10:00 is finding is way into our bed on an almost nightly basis. I have tried saying no, having him stay for only a few minutes ... but he always end up remaining in the bed until morning. This wouldn't be that big of a deal, but when I am waking up to go work out at 5:30 or get up for work at 5:45 ... he decides it is time for him to be awak too. This means my 4 year old is getting, on average, 7 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period.
Not good for him or me.

Anyone have any good advice? Suggestions? Ways for me to keep from having a mental breakdown because now my husband feels that it is time to have a 3rd .... SHIT! I cannot get my first and second to sleep thought the night and you want me to add a THIRD?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?! Sweetie ... you best start dreaming!!!!!

Weekend recap

Another weekend flew by and to be quite honest, I hardly remember it; we try to squeeze so much into a 2-day period that it just goes by quicker than a person can blink!

Friday night was carry out night. It was cool and rainy and quite frankly, depressing out. We ordered some Go Roma and Big J, E and I sat down to watch Sand Lot (Big J has been bored by "kiddie" movies, so PG movies here we come .... God help me). He loved it.

Saturday morning was "Mommy and boys" morning. We got ready and went to Starbucks over by the train station. Big J tried the sample pumpkin latte and flipped out because it was so good ... I am doomed. We watched the trains and ate our muffins and then walked over to the Farmer's Market. Big J picked out some veggies for the soup I would be making and one of each type of apple that he saw. :) We headed over to the Party Store to start looking for costume ideas: Big J is going to be a cowboy. Little j? Well, he detests hats and hoods so we are trying to come up with an idea that can do without those. Then it was off to Home Depot to pick up some mums to replace the sad looking impatiens on the front porch.

Saturday afternoon I went to a friend's house for a Tastefully Simple party. I ordered just a few things and it was nice to be on my own for a couple hours (until I came home and saw the house in MASSIVE upheaval ... is it that hard to clean up after 2 children for two freaking hours? I do it, why can Dad not do it?!?!?!??). We went to Durty Nellie's (one of my faves) for dinner and the start of the ND game (since my Alma mater cannot seem to win a stinkin football game to save their lives, I will hope that ND can pull out a few wins this season). A bowl of chili and beer started the evening off pretty nicely. Another trip to Home Depot on the way home (only to see Big J run around in the garden center and trip on the gravel and bust up his elbow ... poor little dude!) and then home to the couch to see the end of ND beating Purdue!

Sunday we went to Mass and then to Einsteins to grab some pumpkin bagels and Autumn roast coffee and then we went to my Uncle's house to watch the Bears game and eat some food. The boys behaved pretty well, Big J always enjoys hanging out with his great uncle ... it is his surrogate Grandpa S when we cannot be in Florida!!!!!!

Where did the weekend go????????

So, it is back to the usual crap I deal with Monday through Friday. Listening to bosses whine too much, clients bitch too much and wishing I was inherently wealthy. I am hoping that my week can go by pretty quickly (although, with 2 days - in a row - in this office, it could make for a slow go. At least I am finally getting my hair cut and colored on Thursday. I am embarrassed to go out looking like this any longer!!!!

My goal of the week? Pick out a web hosting company and start building the website. That isn't too lofty of an idea is it?

(Oh yea .... About the Sand Lot movie. So, we reminded Big J about the language used by some of the kids that he watched. He said that he understood. So, on Saturday he was on the phone telling my Dad about the movie and this is what I hear: "so, Grandpa, then the little boy takes the ball and runs away from the dog and yells 'oh SHIT!'" Both my Dad and I stopped, tried to quell our laughter and tell Big J that he shouldn't repeat those words. For the next hour he kept saying, 'Please don't tell Dad that I said a bad word ... I didn't mean too!'")

Some updated pics of the boys

Birthdays, Trips and more

Where oh where have I been these past two weeks!!!

Life has been spinning ... sometimes spinning out of control, and I would love to know where my plans always end up ... cuz they are NOT coming even close to completion!

So, let's see .... what have we done, seen, heard and thought of in these past two weeks???

I took some time off (yahoo Mountain Dew!) to celebrate Big J's birthday ... the BIG 4 (talk about where has the time gone??????) It was the Friday before his birthday ... I took him in for his 4 year pictures (I suddenly realized why I never have pictures on here any more ... I am never on my home computer ... where I keep them all ... I will have to create a new post just to do this one thing!). He is such a cool dude now ... I want to just hug him and save him him for future days ... knowing that he won't always be just this cool!!!!

After his pics, we picked up his younger brother and the 3 of us went to CPK for lunch. We had a blast coloring and goofing around. It was bittersweet ... to see how much fun they are ... but to know that it will never be like this again ... 4 and 17 months.

That Saturday was his actual birthday. We took him out for pancakes (they came free for his bday ... we actually had so many free kids' meals I couldn't use them all up!). After pancakes we went to the Framer's Market where he picked out some blueberries, apples and cookies ... it was too fun! That afternoon, Big J went with E to the Bears' game, while little j and I started getting the house ready for the birthday party, and for my parents' visit. So much to do ... and no where NEAR enough time to get it done.

Sunday was the day of the party .... Big J was so hyped. We picked up hi pirate cake (once again ... pics to be posted) and balloons .. and people started showing up at noon. It was a great party.

My parents were getting along with E's parents (it is so nice to see this ... after all of the crap we have all trudged thru for so long. Friends have become like family now. The only issue I had was with Big J's friend's mom. Dude ... watch your effing kid! I swear ... for about a month now, Big J has been coming home from school with talks from his teachers about he and "aggressive one" wrestling, etc. I have been trying to teach him about no hands, etc ... now I know WHO the culprit is.

I stood there and watched Aggressive One slug Big J for no reason. His Mom? GIGGLED. She effing giggled. Freaking blond bitch. About an hour later, Aggressive One took a car and shoved into Big J's face ... once again, she smiled and then, upon seeing my irritation, she said, "Aggressive One ... stop." ... now, if it were my child ... um ... let us not even BEGIN to go there!!!!!!

Anyway, once Aggressive One and his family left (and oh yea ... one more beef .... they have 3 kids, ages 6, 4 and 1 .... Aggressive One is in class with Big J .... what did they give Big J for his presents? A Dora board game and a little baby Tonka truck ... can we say, thanks for the re-gifts???? Big J looked at the game and said, "Mom, Dora is for girls."), the party was great and everyone really had fun.

My parents stayed thru that Tuesday and we all really enjoyed oursleves. They got along really well with E (and vice versa) and I enjoyed their company and the fact that I was not at work!!!!!

On Tuesday Big J left with my parents for his vacation in Florida - he was SO excited!!!

Life has been quiet aroudn teh house without my little dude ... but he is loving every second of his trip. and little j? He is having the time of his little life too. I think he loves having the center of attention for once! He even said a few words ... "melmo" (Elmo) and "oooooonnnn" (moon) ... now if we could just get "MOMMY!!!!!!!"

On Thursday I head down to Tampa to see Big J and I stay thru Tuesday ... can we say PSYCHED???

Why am I psyched?

• I see my sister who can, hopefully, help me nail down my logo for my business so when I get back and I can start to really get moving


• I get to see my "bug" ... I really do miss him


• I get to get pampered by Mom and Dad for a while .......... aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh


• The weather here sucks ass ... serioulsly, Summer is GONE.


• FOUR more days off of work ... I still hate this place

Pics to come soon .... really!!!!!

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Who are you and what did you do with my child?

So, last night, we are sitting at dinner after Big J's swim lessons (leftover Chinese .... no time to cook with 5:30 lessons!. Big J is done eating, Little j gets put in bed and I (AKA; the maid) have to start cleaning up.

E asks Big J if he would like to watch a show, Big J replies, "Nope, no show, I think I am going to help Mommy."

Huh? What? Did I just hear someone say they want to help Mommy???

Waiting for the punch line, I inquire, "you mean you want me to get you a snack ro something and you are going to help?"

"No, Mommy, I want to help you clean up the kitchen."

And with that, my beautiful 3-soon-to-be-4-year-old, learns how to wash dishes, load the dishwasher, wipe up the counter, take out the recycling, and clean the high chair.

After every task, I asked him, "Are you ready to stop or do you want to learn more?"

Each time he replied, "No Mommy, I am having fun helping you."

When the last task was completed he asked, "Is it OK if I am done now?"

He hugged me and we sat down to watch Shark Week together. While we were sitting there, I thanked him an asked what made him want to help me this evening.

His reply? "No one ever helps you Mommy and I didn't want you to be so tired."

:) I love my little boy.

Is it bad to laugh?

Big J has been having trouble controlling his temper these days. You tell him to go to bed or clean up his toys and it is actually quite entertaining sometimes to see his reaction.

So, last night E raced him to bed. E won. Big J got pissed and hit the wall, "I always lose."

We tried talking to him as we tucked him in about losing and patience, etc.

We started saying his prayers and at the end, as I always do, I asked if he had anything to tell Jesus.

He went on to say that he didn't know what to say.

I said, "How about asing Him to help you with patience and knowing how to lose?"

Big J said OK, but I knew he had to say his prayers.

I asked him again, "Is there anything you can say to Jesus tonight?"

Big J thought about it and finally said, "Jesus, please help me run faster."

I about peed my pants.

I need a PERMENANT VACATION!

Another glorious 4 1/2 day weekend has come and gone way too quickly.

Thursday was another early start for me. I was up and out of the house by 5:15. But ... DONE with my appointments at 10:00!

So, I spent most of Thursday mowing the lawn, weeding, etc. I also got the house prepared (somewhat ... with all of our demolition and construction mess, it wasn't so easy!) for my parents arrival on Friday.

I met a girlfriend for coffee after Spin and grocery on Friday morning, and I realized just how much I loved creating my own schedule. This was how it used to be before I was thrust into this 24-7 work role. I talked about my future endeavors with her and it felt good to be talking about something for myself.

I went home, cleaned the rest of the house, got the boys ready and headed out o the airport to pick up my Mom and Dad. Big J was so excited he could hardly sit still. They arrived, we headed to Corner Bakery for a snack and then home to hang out. The boys were ecstatic.

Unfortunately, E had to work at a nearby Summer festival that evening, so it was just my parents and I with the boys (maybe that was a fortunate turn???!). We decided to fore-go dinner out, we ordered a pizza, opened a bottle of wine and enjoyed out evening. I miss them being around!

We had the wedding on Saturday ... my MIL came to watch the boys for us. We had a good time - realized that some of my extended family really and truly are TPT ... but, then again, I think we have known this all the time! E and my parents actually got along quite well this trip ... that was LOVELY! I crashed in my parents' room since I drank a few throughout the day.

On Sunday we took the boys to the Festival that E was working at ... I let Big J ride a few rides and hang out with E and then we headed to the house. When E got home we all cleaned up and headed out for a nice Italian dinner.

The boys behaved BEAUTIFULLY ... I think I stole someone else's children for the evening! It was such a nice night out for all of us ... it was a shame to know that my parents were leaving so quickly in the morning. :(

Big J had a horrible time dropping off Grandma and Grandpa at the airport. I do believe his words were, "I want my Grandma and Grandpa back!" He sobbed with his head in his hands ... heavy, adult-like sobs. It truly broke my heart.

I had decided that since these good-byes were getting harder each time, to take the day off. When we got home I put little j to bed, filled up the pool and Big J and I had a pool-side day. I grabbed a beer, some Doritoes and watermelon and we ate junk food and swam and burned our shoulders to a crisp. It was simply AWESOME.

At the end of the day I thought about it all and realized that is what I want. I want to be there with my kids ... more than just a vacation day every few months. That is why I want to create the new business. That is why, even if I get fired, I will not miss my hellish job. My kids. They drive me nuts and I want to strangle them some times.... but mostly. I love being around them and just being Mommy.

I so hope something starts to culminate soon. I need to get hot. As I sit here in this hell-hole of an office, taking phone calls that no one else can take and watch my children on the day-care-cam, I realize that I have grown to truly and 100% hate this place. I can honestly say that I have no friends here anymore. The ones that I did have? Well, after seeing that they have stolen business from me and talked shit? I have no friends. I work for myself and that is IT. Its funny how something so great can become so bad in such a short period of time.

I know that the right thing will happen at the right time. I just hope it is soon. I am ready for a permanent vacation from this place ... and I want it to be on MY terms ... not theirs.

Finally!

Little j will be 15 months old on the 14th of this month. He is a goofy little kid - he gets it. really, he does. He is smarter than he puts on. The only thing I have been waiting for is a word or two from him. A "mama" or "no" or more or SOMETHING.

We took a walk after dinner yesterday (even though it was COLD .... I truly don't think Summer will ever get to this God-forsaken area ... but that is another post for another day).

The boys were in the wagon. They both stayed home from school yesterday, little j had a fever on Tuesday and they wanted him out for 24 hours. Why is that? The kid never had another fever after that, it was only 101 (our doctor doesn't even consider it a fever till it hits 103) ... if I kept him home for every fever or booger falling out of his nose ... well, we would never go!

The boys were goofing around and enjoying themselves. We stopped off in our old neighborhood to say hello to a friend. Big J ran up ahead and little j wanted to follow. He looked up at me so I could carry him over. I said, "no, call J and he will stop."

So, loud and clear out came J's name from little j's mouth. It was the last 2 syllables; he said it twice. I about peed my pants.

So ... no "mama" or "cookie" .... but we have Big J and the most important thing in little j's life ..... I couldn't be prouder.

Time flies by

So I looked at Big J today and realized: he is a boy. I <know he is a boy .... what I mean is, he is no longer a baby.

We got his haircut on Saturday and when he puts on his little shorts and t-shirt for the new day, he is this little dude wondering around our house. It is bittersweet.

My little Bug as become this person that thinks on his own (ooh - he certainly has a stubborn streak ... I am not quite sure where he got that from *wink, wink*) and comes up with some great one-liners.

Yesterday he told me, "Mommy, I guess I kind of like girls a little bit. But I always like you a lot. I just still don't like pink."

Goofball.

Now if we could just get Little j - my screamer - to talk!