Lent has begun ...

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. As a Catholic, I went to church and started my Lent off by receiving ashes on my forehead.
I do this every Ash Wednesday. And, every Ash Wednesday I listen to the bumble heads who haven't yet learned how to stop making asses of themselves
"Wow, I am glad I am not religious so I don't have to put that shit on my head."
"Oh, you are one of those Asher people."
"You have dirt on your head, hee hee."
"You guys sure look dumb with that smudge on your head."

Those are just a few of the comments I have heard throughout the years.

Let's start off by stating, we live in an era where the media covers everything that goes on in this Country and this world. We hear about groundhogs, polar clubs jumping into frozen lakes, the start of Ramadan, etc. By now, unless you are oblivious, most everyone knows what Ash Wednesday is and what it symbolizes for Catholics and Christians.

It isn't shit or a smudge on my forehead, it is a cross of ashes symbolizing my mortality and belief that through God I can turn away from sin.

Why is it that people feel the need to laugh at or scoff anything religious? Are they afraid? Confused? Pissed off? I am more than happy to answer any questions someone would ask of me.

But, seriously. If I walked around and saw a Muslim and said, "Ha Ha, you are one of those towel head guys." Do you think I would get in trouble?

This isn't a sports team that I am rooting for. It is my faith. Laugh at someone who wears buckeyes around their neck or paint themselves in team colors, but laugh at someone who is practicing their faith? Seriously, grow the eff up.

So .... my Lent begins and I am reminded that even mainstream Christianity isn't mainstream. Blessed are those that are persecuted, I guess, right?!

I started my Lent off well ... had our traditional meal of Plotski (not even a real word ... my Mom used to make it for us ... basically crepes spread with jelly and rolled up). I make it every Ash Wednesday, and the kids seemed to enjoy it.

I have given up pop, snacking between meals and swearing ... I think the hardest of the bunch will actually be swearing ... I hate that I have a potty mouth.

Hopefully I can fix that in the next 40 days.

I will also say a few extra prayers for those that just "don't get it" in this world. There are a lot of them ... and they need all the help they can get.

I am breaking up with you ....

As I stood in the middle of my closet, staring at the clothes, and saying to myself, "I have nothing to wear," I realized that it is time to end this winter.

I feel this way every February. I look in my closet and suddenly realize that everything I own sucks. The color, the style, the fit. It all sucks. I suddenly find myself wearing the same 3 outfits on a steady rotation.

I notice that all of my boots have scuffs and scratches and they look like hell. My shirts have all developed these little holes on the waist line and make me look like I belong in a trash can (where the hell do these things come from??). But, I am not about to go and buy anything ... because even the new stuff (only to be found on tightly stuffed clearance racks) is sad looking at this point too.

Everything I wear seems to be black, brown or some version of grey. Suddenly my pants feel like I have gained 30 pounds (I haven't gained a pound though). What the hell?

Everywhere I go I see new stuff out there. Pretty T-shirts. Cute skirts. Sandals (yes, sandals!). Why the hell would I buy any of this stuff if we are going to walk around in the cold, slush and snow for another two months? Why do you people do this to me?

I am tired of soup and casseroles. I want salads. I want to grill. I want to walk outside and put my ugly coat away!!!!

I want to change the clocks so that maybe my son will sleep past the hour of 6:00 am! I want to have daylight extend past the dinner hour so I can feel free to get stuff done and enjoy my children without the aid of the TV!

Go away Winter I don't want you around any more. We need to take a break. I am tired of your grey skies, your dirty roadways, your ugly clothes. I don't want to see you anymore. Send someone else in your place ... namely ... SPRING.

Let's listen for the *ding*

I miss my Mom.

I miss my Dad.

I miss my sisters.

I think it is time for a trip home - I need some attention. Some time to sit on the couch with a glass of wine and chill ... while someone else watches my children!

I need to walk around barefoot for a while ... shit, even their cold fronts sound downright balmy to me at this moment!

I need a Mommy shopping trip and a Daddy martini and hug.

Could I throw my tantrum right about now? Should I shed a few tears and see if I can get my way? I feel like a 3 year old right about now, but don't we all have one of those in us sometimes?

Time to book a trip ....

Never let them go diaper-less

I took the boys to swim lessons yesterday evening (E is on an Army trip until Wednesday ... lots of responsibility for me with the boys .again, like old times... but, OH what a break that is!).
I offered to make leftovers (chili dogs from Superbowl Sunday) or we could stop at McDonald's (a rarity in our house). McDonald's won.
So .... I get the kids set up at the kitchen table with their Happy Meals, I reheat some leftover Chicken Marsala for myself and I kindly inform them that right after dinner we will have bath time.
They ate, I ate, everyone was happy. Big J was done first and went to watch some TV. I started getting a few chores done and let little j finish. Suddenly little j shows up in front of me with the wipes box, "boof."
Mommy, "Did you mess your diaper?"
little j, "boof. No."
Mommy, "hee hee, did you 'boof'?"
little j, "no."
The smell was overwhelming.
So .... I tell Big J that it was bath time. He runs upstairs to take his clothes off and put them into the hamper.
I take little j to his room, take off his clothes and clean up his diaper. I told little j to go to the bathroom it was time for a bath. I didn't put on his diaper ... no need, right?
I start to run the water and turn to go get Big J. Little j was standing - naked - on the step stool at the sink. He turns and looks at me and heads into the bathtub.
Out of the corner of my eye I notice something that just doesn't seem right.
I look down and see something on the step stool, bathroom rug, bathroom tile and on the side of the tub.
Dude .... the kid took a dump while standing on the stool and then proceeded to drop it all over the floor as he booked towards the tub!
GROSS!!!!
So ... I scramble ... my naked 4 1/2 year old runs to the bathroom and says, "How can I help (dude - who the fuck IS this kid????)?" I instruct him to go to the basement door and grab a Target bag.
I then get wipes and scoop up the ickiness.
Big J holds the bag while I clean up and little j just sits in the tub, poopy and happy.
In the end, butts were cleaned, rugs were washed and boys were put to bed.
But seriously, to my dear sweet husband, these incidents just reinforce that we do NOT need a dog in our house for quite some time!!!!!

Watching my boys

I just turned on my nanny-cam and sat here and watched Big J do exercises with his class. Little j is doing an art project.

While I think it is awesome that they are getting this social network and stimulation, it makes me crave staying home with them even more.

I have been pouring my heart into work lately. It was New Year's goal of mine ... not complain as much and just try, harder.

Well, I have been. I have been working my ass off and have even reached my goal. Unfortunately I know this pace is going to die down, especially with the market starting to dive again.

The part that irks me the most, and always has, my jag-bag of a boss. Think he has said one encouraging remark since the start of the year? Think he has given me even a half-assed pat on the back? Nope. Nothing. Nada. Sip. Zilch. Zero.

Asshole.

Seriously.

So ... I will keep working hard. But, every time things like this happen I get an even longer list of reasons to hate my job, and my company. And I get 1000 more reasons to want to tell them to stuff it.

I love my life. I love my kids. I wish I could love my job ... ain't gonna happen.

The scents of our lives ...

So, my last post got me thinking about this post.

We have five senses, right? So, what else can bring memories back into the front part if our brain? How about smells and scents?

What can take me back to good times? Bad times? Younger Days? Better days?

Aramis cologne. This smell makes me think of my Daddy. Over the years we have tried to buy him new and updated colognes. But he always goes back to his old stand-by, Aramis. And you know what? That makes me happy. It is just "my Dad." Before I left for college I sprinkled a teddy bear of mine with his cologne ... on bad days I just smelled it and always felt better.

Onions and celery, sauteing in butter. Weird? Probably. But every time I make a soup or stuffing and start with that combination and it starts to fill the room with its aroma, I think of my Mom. I especially think of her and when she would make our Thanksgiving dinner. The house would always smell like this for what seemed like days! It makes me feel so cozy and comforted.

Baby powder. Even though baby books instructed me to not use baby powder on my kids, I did. And whenever I smell it, I think of them as little infants, all clean after baths and snugly. Peaceful. Precious and tiny.

Chlorine. Well, really, its the smell of your skin about an hour after you have been in a chlorinated pool. Brian, the high school boyfriend, was a life guard. He always smelled like chlorine. The smell makes me think of easy times, fun times, times with no kids, bills or jobs!

Charcoal grill. Lit of course. AAhhhh ... the smell of a summer evening, sun starting to hit the horizon, the evening just starting. I think of times where my Dad would start to throw burgers on the grill for dinner. I think of days where my boys are running around the backyard as we start to grill a late dinner. I love the smell of that grill the feelings it stirs up!

Michael Kors perfume. I love, love, love this stuff. I like a lot of perfumes. But, I specifically bought this perfume for my wedding day. Whenever I wear it I remember walking down the aisle, cutting cake, toasts, first dances and first kisses.

Eternity for women. My girlfriend in high school wore this every day. Her car smelled like this. Her room smelled like this. To this day, whenever I smell Eternity I think of the good times we used to have back in the day.

Polo cologne for men. I banned E from wearing this cologne after we got together. My horrible, nasty ex used to wear Polo. He bathed in Polo. Drank Polo. Shit - he probably peed Polo. That is one smell that can bring up the dry heaves immediately.

Pickles. For some reason, every time I smell pickles, I remember scratch and sniff stickers. I remember sitting on our front stoop with my best friend flipping through our sticker books. I remember the nasty smelling ones - skunk, garbage, licorice and I remember the good ones - pickles, popcorn, pizza!

Root beer floats. My Grandpa made these for us every time we went to visit him. They always had Neapolitan ice cream and when they were out of vanilla ice cream, he would use strawberry. After he made our floats he would always take us out into the back porch and let us sit on the glider and drink them.

Coconut, specifically tanning oil with coconut. Remember those days? Laying around with your girlfriends, boomboxes blasting. Magazines spread out and our skin caked with tanning oil so we could catch some rays. Geesh - I miss that. I really do!

And, do you know what I noticed? When E left for deployment I went looking for something to hold into that smelled like him. You know what? He doesn't have "a scent." He rarely wears cologne and he switches soaps and shaving creams all the time. There wasn't one thing that I could pinpoint that made me think of him! I think I will have to work on that!

So ... what smells take you back? Coffee? Popcorn? Old Spice cologne?

Songs of My Life

I was reading the blog of a friend recently and she was posting about a song that was stuck in her head (thanks a lot ... that song followed me around for days!).

After reading this blog (and finally shaking the song out of my brain), I started to think about my life and the music that accompanies it.

I remember a paper I wrote back in high school. It was for an Advanced Creative Writing class that I absolutely adored ... a class that even made me consider Writing as a career ... I have no idea why I didn't pursue that thought. Every once in a while I enjoy looking at some of those papers (yes, I saved each and every one ... most were written about my heartbreak, but some were pretty inspired!).

Anyway, the paper that I remember, was about how certain senses can take you back to memories you didn't even think you remembered. Like the smell of a certain cologne can remind you of your your 8th grade crush or the scent of Jean Nate brings you back to your Grandma's house.

My paper was concentrated on the sense of sound. How certain songs can almost be like pictures floating in front of your eyes when you hear their distinct melodies. Some memories can be sad, some can make you giggle ... some can get you just as fired up now as they did back then!

Here are some of the songs that take me back ....



Celebration by Kool and the Gang. Now, I am sure this song has been played at most weddings or proms you have attended, I know it has for me. But, the one memory that comes up every time I hear this song is a Father/Daughter dance I attended with my Dad during my Freshman year of high school. It was Spring, 1989. I remember noticing how cool my Dad actually was. He had rhythm. He had this distinct dance move where he shakes his hips and bobs his head side to side, all smooth and stylish. I never really had noticed my dad like that until that point in my life. It makes me smile just thinking about it.



Come on Eileen by Dexi's Midnight Runners. This song always take me back to my little yellow bedroom at our last house in Indiana. I remember my sisters and I dancing to that song over and over, running in circles faster and faster as the melody sped up. Good times.



Another One Bites the Dust by Queen. My Mom. Forest Green Chevy Nova. Turned up ... loud. Too cool.



Ice Ice baby by Vanilla Ice. My sisters and I could rap (and, frightfully, still can) each and every word. Ha!



Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton. This song was the Prom theme at my boyfriend's Senior Prom. It was also "our song." Every single time I hear it I can remember him.



***This is where my post will escape to my high school sweetheart memories .... I often wonder if I am psycho for remembering all of this stuff, or if everyone remembers this stuff. These songs remind me of "that" guy, the one who broke my heart into a million pieces. ***



More Than Words Can Say by Alias. I can almost remember the notes Brian (that was his name) used to send me. They were long ass love letters, all gushy and sweet. He once wrote out the words to this song for me. (and all the girls can go ... "aaaawwwwww")



I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by U2. On a night out with friends, this song came on the radio, Brian leaned over and whispered, "I already found what I am looking for."



Days Gone By by Slaughter. Not a well known song. I had just bought this CD when Brian dumped me out of the clear blue sky. This track? I would put it on repeat and sob my eyes out until I had nothing left and then I would do it all over again.



***OK ... no more Brian songs ..... but I did have other boyfriends ... really, I did!!!!***



November Rain by Guns and Roses. So, the guy I met right after the big break up, thought this was "our" song ... on the first night I met him ... and I was totally annihilated. Um ... after one date, I decided I would rather stay heartbroken!



Dream on by Aerosmith. My girlfriend had a crush on a boy (he was pretty hot I must say) in high school who loved Aerosmith. One night, she and I sat in my room and hit play and pause all night long until we learned the words to this song .... ha ha ha. Too bad we didn't have Google.



Killing Me Softly by The Fugees. My middle sister came to visit me in college. She listened to this song incessantly. The visit was a blast. On the way home we listened to this song: To Really Love a Woman by Bryan Adams.



3AM by Matchbox 20. I moved out into my own totally cute apartment. Free from all boys. Free to do anything I chose to do. I listened to this song cranked way up.



Angel by Sarah McLaughlin. I met E when this song was out. I always thought about him when it came on the radio ... even before I realized I liked him.



Best Friend by TimMcGraw. Our wedding song. Also, my ring tone for E. He was/is my best friend ... most of the time ;)



You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban. I dance with my Dad to this song at my wedding. I seriously cannot listen to more than 15 seconds (and that is pushing it) without tearing up and soon sobbing like a baby. If you aren't married, and you plan on getting married, and you really love you Dad, double check the length of the song you will dance with him to ... this one killed me!



Soak up the Sun by Sheryl Crow. The song playing when Big J was born. He was my sun and I soaked it up.



List of Demands by Saul Williams. Unfortunately they didn't have the radio on when little j was born. But March Madness was in full swing when I brought him home from the hospital. There was Nike commercial that they played every other second and this was its song. Little j slept in the pack and play downstairs next to the TV those first two weeks and will probably have some experience with this song someday and not really know why ... he will just think, "where the hell have I heard this before????" :)



I have so many songs I could list. Lists that could go on and on ... especially for an audiophile like me. Maybe some day I will revisit this post and add some more "songs of my life."



What are your songs?