Battle of the Sexes ... no surprise here!

OK, so I read this article this morning, about who is harder to raise, boys vs girls. After tallying it up ... it appears I am doomed. boys are innately insane!!!!! ;)
I love my boys ... they keep me active (I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why I am not a size 2 since I spend my time with them all hyped up and running every where!) ... and they keep me on my toes.
My boys will also drive me to become a stressed out alcoholic!!!!!!!!

Battle of the Sexes
By Paula Spencer
I often say that I spend more time and energy on my one boy than on my three girls. Other mothers of boys are quick to say the same. Forget that old poem about snips and snails and puppy dog tails, says Sharon O'Donnell, a mom of three boys and the author of House of Testosterone. "Somehow it's been changed to boys being made of 'fights, farts, and video games,' and sometimes I'm not sure how much more I can take!"
Not so fast, say moms of girls, who point out that they have to contend with fussier fashion sense, more prickly social navigations, and a far greater capacity to hold a grudge. And as a daughter grows, a parent's concerns range from body image to math bias.
Stereotyping, or large kernels of truth? "I think parents use 'which is harder?' as an expression of whatever our frustration is at the moment," says family therapist Michael Gurian, author of Nurture the Nature. "Boys and girls are each harder in different ways."
Every child is an individual, of course. His or her innate personality helps shape how life unfolds. Environment (including us, the nurturers) plays a role, too: "There are differences in how we handle boys and girls right from birth," says David Stein, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Virginia State University in Petersburg. "We tend to talk more softly to girls and throw boys in the air."
But it's also true that each gender's brain, and growth, unfolds at a different rate, influencing behavior. Leonard Sax, M.D., author of Boys Adrift, believes parents raise girls and boys differently because girls and boys are so different from birth -- their brains aren't wired the same way.
So, can we finally answer the great parenting debate over which sex is more challenging to raise? Much depends on what you're looking at, and when:
DisciplineWho's harder? BoysWhy don't boys seem to listen? Turns out their hearing is not as good as girls' right from birth, and this difference only gets greater as kids get older. Girls' hearing is more sensitive in the frequency range critical to speech discrimination, and the verbal centers in their brains develop more quickly. That means a girl is likely to respond better to discipline strategies such as praise or warnings like "Don't do that" or "Use your words." "Boys tend to be more tactile -- they may need to be picked up and plunked in a time-out chair," Gurian says. They're also less verbal and more impulsive, he adds, which is especially evident in the toddler and preschool years.
These developmental differences contribute to the mislabeling of normal behavior as problematic, a growing number of observers say. Five boys for every one girl are diagnosed with a "disorder" (including conduct disorder, bipolar disorder, hyperactivity, attention deficit disorder, sensory integration disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder), says Stein, also the author of Unraveling the ADD/ADHD Fiasco. Some kids -- most often boys -- may simply fall on the more robust end of normal. They need more opportunities to expend energy and aggression, as well as firmer limits.
Physical safetyWho's harder? Boys"Much after-dinner wrestling here," reports Michelle Mayr, the Davis, California, mom of four boys, ages 5 to 12. "I'm constantly fighting to keep my house a home rather than an indoor sports center. Their stuffed animals' primary function is to be added to the pile of pillows everyone is launching into from the coffee table." In general, boys are more rambunctious and aggressive, experts say. Taking risks lights up the pleasure centers of their brains. Many parents find they have to keep a closer eye on what a son is "getting into," or use more bandages.
But letting kids explore -- at the cost of a few scrapes and cuts -- builds character, self-confidence, resilience, and self-reliance, says Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee. Boys, being natural risk takers, may need encouragement to slow down a little, but maybe girls need to be encouraged to take more risks. Look for opportunities for your daughter to jump off a wall, swim in the deep end, or try the bigger slide.
CommunicationWho's harder? First boys, then girlsFrom birth, a girl baby tends to be more interested in looking at colors and textures, like those on the human face, while a boy baby is drawn more to movement, like a whirling mobile, says Dr. Sax. (These differences play out in the way kids draw: Girls tend to use a rainbow of hues to draw nouns, while boys lean toward blue, black, and silver for their more verblike pictures of vehicles crashing and wars.) In a nutshell, girls are rigged to be people-oriented, boys to be action-oriented. Because girls study faces so intently, they're better at reading nonverbal signals, such as expression and tone of voice. Boys not only learn to talk later than girls and use more limited vocabularies, they also have more trouble connecting feelings with words.
"While most girls share their feelings and details of events, my three sons honestly don't see that as important. I spend my days asking, 'What happened then?' or 'What did he say after you said that?'" O'Donnell says.
Important note: Because boys hold eye contact for shorter periods than girls, parents may worry about autism, since this can be a red flag. "It's a relief for moms to know that this is normal and comes from the way the brains are set up," Gurian says.
As girls get to be 8 or so, things can get harder: The flip side of being so adept at communicating is that girls exert a lot of energy on it. There can be a great deal of drama around who's mad at whom, who said what and why, and more. Start when your daughter's a toddler to establish an open communication, so she learns she can come to you for advice.
Self-esteemWho's harder? GirlsDeveloping a healthy self-image is critical to all kids. But as the more compliant and people-oriented gender, girls tend to grow up less confident and more insecure than boys, researchers say. Famed gender researcher and psychologist Carol Gilligan, Ph.D., calls this "the tyranny of nice and kind" -- unwittingly raising girls to be people pleasers.
"This cultural pressure to put others' needs first, ignore one's own gut feelings, and avoid asking for what one wants has traditionally harmed girls," says Jenn Berman, a California family therapist who wrote The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids. "Despite the fact that she enjoys the positive attention and accolades that people pleasing brings, the more a girl pushes her own needs and desires underground to please others, the more likely her own self-esteem will suffer."
"I see a natural nurturing instinct in my daughter and her friends," says Tracy Lyn Moland, a parenting consultant in Calgary, Alberta, who has a girl, 11, and a boy, 8. "I find myself saying, 'I can take care of that -- you get yourself ready,' when she's trying to mother her brother."
Make no mistake, helpfulness and nurturing are virtues for everybody. But this tendency in girls makes it smart to help her explore and strengthen her inner nature and encourage her to try new things.
Body image is a big part of self-esteem, and though there's certainly body-image dysfunction in boys and men, it remains mostly a female issue. The natural rounding out of the body that happens in puberty clashes with the unnatural slimness girls see in the culture around them.
Be aware of the messages you convey about your own body, diet, and exercise. "It's painfully obvious that girls' negative body image can come directly from seeing their moms look critically in the mirror and complain," says Berman. "Teach your daughter to listen to her body's signals of hunger and satiety. Girls who listen to their bodies tend to listen to their instincts in other areas." Sports are a great way for girls to build confidence and a healthy appreciation for their bodies.
SchoolWho's harder? Mostly boysBoys and modern education are not an idyllic match. An indoor-based day and an early emphasis on academics and visual-auditory (as opposed to hands-on) learning ask a lot of a group that arrives at school less mature. In their early years, most boys lag behind girls in developing attentiveness, self-control, and language and fine motor skills.
The relatively recent acceleration of the pre-K and kindergarten curricula has occurred without awareness that the brain develops at different sequences in girls and boys, Dr. Sax says. Music, clay work, finger painting, and physical exercise -- early-ed activities that once helped lively kids acclimate to school -- are vanishing. Few teachers are trained in handling the problems that result.
One area where girls do less well in school concerns spatial learning, such as geometry. Girls may use different parts of their brains to process space perceptions. The key is for parents to present both boys and girls with plenty of no-pressure opportunities to try out the areas that are challenging.
The bottom line? On balance, the general consensus seems to be that boys are more of a handful early on, and girls more challenging beginning in the preteen years. Which means that, as the mom of daughters who are 12, 9, and 7, I have the next ten years cut out for me!
Parenting contributing editor Paula Spencer is the coauthor, with Jill Stamm, M.D., of Bright From the Start: The Simple, Science-Backed Way to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind, From Birth to Three.

While I am on the subject ...

A girlfriend of mine just sent me this article:

http://www.illinoisfamily.org/news/contentview.asp?c=34804

If they want to tell me that health care is a right (which, um, isn't in the Bill of Rights, I might add ... and, we have the right to life, which, according to Obamacare, babies won't have), well, then, why am I not allowed to carry a gun, when the right to bear arms is in the Bill of Rights??????



Effed up ... seriously ... these people are all effed up.

Sorting out my thoughts

I spent the weekend immersed in NCAA basketball. It was one of the most incredible tourneys that I can even remember. Buzzer beaters, upsets .... it was what I love through and through.

I also spent most of the weekend sick ... and with my boys. We had fun but I was exhausted and worn out through most of it. I did get to go out for a birthday dinner with E on Saturday night, so that was enjoyable (even though i couldn't breathe!).

What sucks the most though, is that my weekend ended on a sour note. This health acre bill being passed and Stupak being a complete and total sellout has me completely depressed.

People who actually believe Obama will stay true to his word and allow the Executive Order regarding abortion to stay, well, for lack of better words, they are ignorant.

Obama has stood by nothing that he has ever promised.


Plain a d simple, in the not to distant future, my tax dollars will be paying for babies to be murdered.

There are no other words. There are no ways to soften the blow.

I am disappointed in my government.

I am disappointed in all those who see this as positive.

Most of all, I am disappointed that in the land of the free ... my voice is no longer heard, my choices are no longer valid, and I am truly, no longer free.

I still can hardly organize my thoughts and feelings on this whole thing. Once I do, maybe I can say how I feel more intelligently.

What time is it?

March Madness!!!

I love, love, love this time of year.

I agonize over my brackets.

I make sure I schedule work around the games (although I screwed myself this year with two doctor appointments today and tomorrow, both at 3:00).

I plan meals around games.

I become basketball obsessed.... and I don't feel guilty.

And ... oh yea ... this hype about Obama picking his brackets?! WTF? I could care less!!!!! Leave sports to us ... keep your politics out of it

Selfish Acts

So, I was talking with my sister yesterday and she told me about a "friend" of hers ... I am appalled.

Apparently, this couple wanted to get pregnant and couldn't. They spent over $30,000 on fertility treatments and are now deeply in debt.

They finally got pregnant and announced to all. They were due in April.

Well, they had a series of tests done and found out that they had a 75% chance of giving birth to a baby with special needs.

Instead of asking for God's grace to help with this miracle that God blessed them with, they drove down to Miami and had an abortion at 6 months.

They are now trying to get pregnant again.

Some people will never learn. I pray for the soul of that poor gift from up above .... they are an angel in Heaven.

Oh crap ....

OOPS ....

So, E had to go on another Army trip this week. He left on Tuesday. He called me that night and told me that he was pulled over for speeding and got a ticket (his 2nd since December).

Luckily it wasn't too bad, and he is going to do whatever he has to in order for it to not go on his record.

Yesterday I was driving down 290 and there was a cop literally every two miles. People were pulled over all over the place. It went on for at least 20 miles.

This morning I had to get the kids out of the house at 6:30 so I could be at a police station no later than 7:15.

I drop them off and head to the expressway.

I merge on, attempt to head to the left lane (and get around a slow moving delivery truck) and HELLO! Red and blue lights are immediately in my rear view mirror.

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

So, I got my license and insurance card out and I was prepared for the worst.

Sheriff, "Where are you going?"

Me, "I am headed to a police station for roll call."

Sheriff, "Are you an officer?"

Me, "No, I handle their retirement plan."

Sheriff, "Slow down and be careful, you have a nice vehicle and I would hate to see you wreck it."

Are you freaking serious?

Thank you Jesus, thank you!!!!!!!!!

Little blessings ... they can make your day (and slow your heart down from the massive attack you start to have when you get pulled over).

Words

I had my annual review yesterday.

Let's refresh our minds with what happened at my mid-year review: I sucked ass. I was told that if I didn't shape up I would be fired. I was told that my peers have all complained about me (by the way, at my annual sales meeting I talked with my peers, they all laughed out loud when I told them this). I was given no raise, no compliments ... nothing.

So, when I walked into my office, on a whim, yesterday, and was pulled aside by my boss, I tensed up, immediately.

My stomach hurt, my jaw was clenched; I was prepared.

Well, I got compliments. I was told that I was actually doing a good job.

I got a 1.91% raise ... hey, it ain't much, but it is a raise that I have not gotten in over 3 years!!!

I actually walked out of my office yesterday with a smile on my face. It is amazing what it feels like when someone actually recognizes your hard work; when someone gives you words of encouragement

I still hate my job .... but, it doesn't hurt so bad right now!

REALLY ready for happy hour ....

It has been a wild and exhausting last few weeks.

I made it through my Annual Sales meeting in Las Vegas last week. Even though it was only Monday through Thursday, I felt as though I was out there for weeks! It was good to get home and see the boys ... and get away from work people; I had had enough.

I tried to get tickets to go see my parents in late March .. .and then I forgot that I am in the land of the working, not the land of the spring-breakers. There wasn't a ticket top be found :( So ... we will be going mid-April. Not what I wanted, but we are going.

What makes these past few weeks so difficult is little j. After he started crawling out of his crib my nights suck ass. I might as well have an infant at home. I feel like calling one of the four friends/family that had babies last week and tell them that they can drop the kiddos off over here for a night - I am up anyway.

I play this game every stinkin single night. He crawls out of bed, stands at the gate and moans and then starts calling for Mommy. It works one of two ways:

1. I go in, pick him up, put him back in bed and then 15 minutes later we repeat. This goes on for about an hour to two hours.

2. I stand at the gate in the beginning tell him that it is bed time and I won't be coming back, he then proceeds to cry, moan, yell and scream at the gate for about an hour to two hours, when he them finally is exhausted and gives up.

Last night I ignored him. He cried. He screamed. He yelled for Mommy, Dada, Big J ... anyone who might come. After one hour I heard Big J crying in his room and I had had enough. I went to see Big J who was crying because he had to pee but didn't want to walk past little j and get him excited (good thinking from a 4 1/2 year old at 3:00 am!). I proceeded to help him to the bathroom, explain that he should never not pee, and get him tucked back in.

Then I had to settle little j down and get him in bed. He pointed to the door and told me to go. I got back into bed and 15 minutes later ... "Mommy!" I don't remember if he stopped or if I was too tired to care, but next thing I know my alarm was going off this morning for work.

Seriously all, I am exhausted. I am frustrated. I want to tell him, politely, "shut the hell up!" But, I am Mommy ... and at this point, I am ready for happy hour.