Have you ever ...

wanted to wring your husband's neck ???

Yeah ... thought so.

Hello .... remember me? Pay attention to ME!

I have LOTS to blog about ... but only so much time. Lots to catch up with ... but, for now ...

I love my husband, really, I DO love him.

But, I am not in awe of everything he does, and I don't think he is the most wonderful man that has ever stepped onto this earth. He is a great guy, really! I just don't view him the way some girls view their husbands. Why is this bothering me right now? It seems like everywhere I go, people are writing about or talking about how WONDERFUL and PERFECT their husbands are.

Backrubs, little gifts, helping them in every way .... honestly, I do not get these things.

(Yes, some of this may be put on ... I mean, seriously, after being married for 10 years with 3 kids, can a couple TRULY NEVER FIGHT!?!??!?!?!?)

Over the years my husband as dealt with a lot of issues. Rather than dealing with these issues head on, he would rather spend his time blaming me for his problems. This game ebbs and flows. My counselor has told me that it will probably stay like this forever ... it is who he is.

Most days, I can handle it. He has his sweet moments ... and those are awesome. But, sometimes he has his nasty moments and those are the days I question EVERYTHING about us, our lives and my involvent in the whole thing.

When I read about these grteat husbands, there are times, honestly, I get jealous. I wish I had a husband that rubbed my feet when I was pregnant and exhausted. I wish I had a husband who stopped on the way home from work and picked me up my favorite ice cream, just because. I wish I had a husband that ranted and raved about how great I am on Facebook for all to see.

I don't.

I have a husband who says thank you for dinners I cook, and a husband who takes care of the house and our boys. But, for the most part, his "awe" of me is unspoken. I have a husband who lives his life around one person, himself.

I have learned to compensate for this in small ways ... I have learned to just not yearn for things too often. But, its times like the holidays when everyone's lives get all cutesy and cheesy that I do really long for attention; full-on, devoted attention.

Maybe someday, by some God-sent miracle, I will have that. Until then, I will try and please me, myself and I when I am not getting it from my significant other.

A letter to my other half

To my dear sweet husband,



I love you. Really I do. But, you are driving me insane! So as to not harbour any feelings for too long, I have made a list of some things that I would like for you to pay close attention to.

• You snore. Actually, you don't just snore. You suck the life blood out of everything in the bedroom until the walls come caving in. I can wake you up, only to have you, 10 seconds later (no exaggeration, seriously, you fall asleep at the snap of your fingers!) snore even LOUDER.


• You are a groper. Dude, for ten years I have told you that walking up to me and effing tweeking my nipples or man-handling my boobs is not effing foreplay, it is not intimacy, it is not sweet. It is irritating and it makes my skin crawl.


• WE made these children together. I should not be the only one changing diapers, waking up in the middle of the night to their cries and screams (probably because you, dear husband, cannot hear them crying because you are shattering the windows with all of your effing snoring.).


• The reason I give you the gift of clothing for every birthday day, Father's Day or Christmas, is not so that I can do less laundry. It is for you to actually look decent when we leave our home. You Bud Light shirt from your college frat days that has holes and stains under the armpits, well, it just isn't appropriate attire for a nice family dinner out (shoot - let's just get this out there on the table, don't wear the mother -effing shirt any more!!!!!0.


• For years you have made comments about my weight. For years I have battled my weight. For months I have been waking up at the crack of dawn to go to a Spin class so that I can get back to my skinny days. Little by little that is happening. I know you hurt your back overseas. I know you are unable to workout. But you have gotten a bit chunky my dear. I love you, but quit thinking you still look like a rock star.... those who live in glass houses babe. Sometimes words come back to bite you in the ass and now you finally know how I felt all those years!


• I love you. Sometimes I do not like you. But, hearing I love you sometimes feels good. It can make your wife happier ... and maybe a bit more ... hhhmmmm ... amorous? SAY IT!

Thank you for listening .... my bitching (for now) will stop .... maybe I will send you a list of reasons I like you some day soon.

Love,

Your wife

I want off!!!!!

At work way to early today.

Forgot my breakfast on the counter, next to the coffee machine.

Called home to check on the boys, E was in a state of panic because the boys were not cooperating. Um ... they are 3 and 1 .... what the eff do you want them to do? Welcome to MY world buddy!

It is cold outside ... again.

It is raining outside ... again.

I feel like I am in a permanent state of repeat; on a merry go round that keeps passing the same stuff each and every time around ... except this merry go round NEVER stops!!!!

WTF?

How is it that E was gone for 14 months and, looking back, I actually had MORE time to MYSELF than I do right now?

I swear. He freaking now works from home - so when I come home, there he is. On nights that we have nothing planned, we are doing some effing project or cleaning something, or putting something together. When I DO have time to myself, it is actually spent cleaning the effing messes that everyone around here makes: dishes, laundry ...

If I don't get a few hours to myself in this house ALL BY MYSELF I am going to crack. Seriously. I am talking full out mental breakdown.

I.am.going.insane!