Just stuff

Wow ... has it really been that long since I wrote anything???? Life hasn't been that boring, I haven't been "non-opinionated," basically, I just haven't had the time!

So, random thoughts (in no particular order)

My boss is a dickhead.

I am sick of these grey, rainy days. Seriously, I can maybe count on my one hand the amount of times the sun has been out in the past month!

How much snot can truly come out of a 19-month old's head? He isn't that big, so shouldn't the snot run dry at some point?

Why did I put my son in a good white T-shirt 2 hours before we took Great-Grandma to an Italian restaurant?

Why is it that when you are woken up at 2:00 am you could actually get out of bed and do stuff because you feel refreshed; but, when your alarm goes off at 5:30 to go workout or get to work you feel like you haven't slept in weeks?

Does little j really need to call out from his crib every time he cannot find his pacifier (I know ... get rid of it all together, but that is a battle I am not ready for yet!)? I put an extra one right by his head every night ... and every time I go in there to help him, it is still sitting where I left it!

I thought wives did the nagging and husbands did the complaining about it. Why, in my house, is it the opposite? Seriously dear husband, leave me alone before I explode!

Halloween is on Saturday. The boys' school party is tomorrow. time to put the finishing touches on their costumes. And time to get my mouth tied shut. Here is a mathematics problem for you:
Me + Halloween Candy - Willpower = BIG FAT THIGHS, BUTT, TUMMY + guilt!

Big J ate his vegetables 2 days in a row without being asked. Yahoo Mountain Dew!!!! Can this become a streak?

Thanks to my sister, I have a few pages created on my website already. I have been at a stall with working on it, but I feel good that it actually exists!

I love my Monday and Wednesday Spin classes. I haven't made it to a Friday class in over a month. Do I really think that my weight will continue to disappear if I don't make it to the gym? Let's fix that math problem again:

Me + Halloween Candy - Willpower - gym = big fat thighs, butt, tummy + guilt

I need a girl's night out. Any takers? ;)

We have all been sick in our house. Big J had a massive fever on Saturday and looked like death. Little j had the fever on Friday but never looked that bad. Both boys are better. Me? I feel like shit. But, I have to work and take care of the kids and house so ... no rest for me.

I went to the ND game this past Saturday with my Uncles ... had a great time, but froze my ass off. Wish my Dad could have been there as well ...

Did I mention that my boss is a dickhead? Let's reformulate that problem again:

Me + Candy - Willpower - gym + obnoxious boss = one big, fat, guilt-filled BITCH!!!

The fog rolls in ...

I am sure we have all heard descriptions in our novels about fog rolling in. We have all pictured the scene in our heads hundreds, if not thousands (depending on how much you read!), of times.

You know, there is a field, cemetery, house, street, etc and as the person looks out into the distance they can see the fog, thick as pea soup, creeping ever closer to where they are. In your head you can just see this mass of blackness rolling towards this person and you can imagine the air getting thick and damp.

Well, the fog is rolling in and it is thick, damp and depressing.

Every year, I try and get myself psyched for the end of Summer, Fall and start of (cough, cough) Winter.

Every year I think about the good things that come with this time of year, pumpkin patches, football, batches of chili, Halloween, Thanksgiving, hot chocolate after a cool evening spent running around in the yard.

Those things are all so picturesque and nice, but they don't stop the dread and blahness that encompasses me.

Every year, it seems our Summers abruptly end and we get Fall like a slap on the back. Lately, though, we have skipped right over the Fall season and headed straight for Winter.

We have hit 18 days significantly below normal temperatures. It is gray and rainy most of the time. It has been too cold and damp to let the boys play outside. There is no outlook for things to even reach normal in the near future.

So, again, I try and think about the positives. Those positives quickly escape my head as dread and sadness creeps in. You see, I have been diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression or winter blues, is a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter or, less frequently, in the summer,[1] spring or fall, repeatedly, year after year. In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), SAD is not a unique mood disorder, but is "a specifier of major depression".[2]

The US National Library of Medicine notes that "some people experience a serious mood change when the seasons change. They may sleep too much, have little energy, and crave sweets and starchy foods. They may also feel depressed. Though symptoms can be severe, they usually clear up."[3] The condition in the summer is often referred to as Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, and can also include heightened anxiety.[4]

There are many different treatments for classic (winter-based) seasonal affective disorder, including light therapy with bright lights, anti-depression medication, cognitive-behavioral therapy, ionized-air administration,[5] and carefully timed supplementation of the hormone melatonin.[6]

Symptoms of SAD may consist of: difficulty waking up in the morning, tendency to oversleep as well as to overeat, and especially a craving for carbohydrates, which leads to weight gain. Other symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on completing tasks, and withdrawal from friends, family, and social activities. All of this leads to the depression, pessimism, and lack of pleasure which characterize a person suffering from this disorder.


Just like that fog rolling in in the novels we read, I have felt this ickiness creeping into my head over the past few days.

I am tired, cranky and sad most of the time. I have no desire to get anything done. I have a sudden urge to eat and eat and eat, all while telling myself how I should stop and it won't make me feel any better.

I am irritated with my husband (why is it that HE gets to sleep in while I have to take care of the boys after getting only 4 hours sleep due to Little j screaming from midnight till 1:30?). I am irritated with work (more so than usual, can that even be?). My zest for waking up in the morning to go to Spin has completely disappeared and my snooze button has become my best friend.

I am sad. I am bummed. I am lonely.

I drive on, as I always do .... but seriously, this stuff ... this SAD ... it exists. It isn't bullshit. It isn't an excuse to complain or sleep. It feels awful. It sucks. It feels like I am completely out of control of my own emotions.

Hopefully, things will get brighter here and there, and Winter will come and go .... and soon I will be back to flip flops, baseball and mowing the lawn.

Think before you speak

I was sitting with a client at my desk this afternoon. I leaned over to get a form out of a drawer and this is what she says, "oh my, I could fit 4 of my legs in one of yours."

W.T.F?????

Are you kidding me?

First off, you have diarrhea of the mouth, you dumb broad. Second, eff you. Third, do you really think I don't know this?

As I have stated in my previous pots, I have been "blessed" with legs that have been passed though generations of people on my Dad's side of the family. They are short and big ... great if you are a football playing dude ... pathetic if you are a girl trying to look lady-like in skirts.

I have spent my entire life listening to comments about my calves, thighs, legs, etc. There have been a few times where these comments were flattering, but, mostly, they have sucked.

Just yesterday, as I was getting ready to go Downtown for my all day meeting (YUCK!), I was perplexed as to what to wear, as I was feeling especially plumped out. I have been to Spin sporadically in the past few weeks due to flu's, colds, sleepless nights with children, and freakin all day meetings. Thankfully I put on a skirt that I thought wouldn't fit and it zipped right up ... must have been more mental than anything, but, still ......

Do some people really not get that they should keep their mouths closed? Do people really think that what they say doesn't matter? If I told everyone exactly what I thought ... geesh, let's not even GO there!

I am getting back on the Spin wagon tomorrow (NOT because of this woman ... I was planning on doing so anyway ... it was simply "good" timing). I don't have to come into the office AGAIN, as previously planned (YEAH!), so I have NO excuse.

E has been talking about trying for a 3rd at the end of the year .... I told him that the only way that I will do so is if I lose HALF of what I wanted to, and that would be 15 pounds.

So ... here we go again!

Oh yea ... remember my goal for last week? No? It was to choose a web host site ... I did, and I am currently constructing my website. New goal this week? Finish 2 pages of the site!!!!

Counting sheep ...

Spent the morning talking/lecturing Big J on his sleep issues lately. A four year old needs more sleep than he is getting.
Once Summer hit, I pushed his bed time from 8 to 9 ... it gave us time to play outside, eat a late meal, and quite frankly, it wasn't dark at 8:00 for him to even be ready to sleep.
Lately, a 9:00 bedtime ends up being 9:45, with ME being more exhausted than he! I have tried starting our routine (which has not changed in two years) at 8:45, 8:30, shoot, even 8:15 ... nothing has seemed to help. He whines that he isn't tired, has to go tell Daddy "one more thing," and shuffles around the bathroom before getting his teeth brushed. It is always one more glass of water, one more hug or one more time to go pee.
He also cannot seem to let us leave his room without starting to cry and asking us to "stay with him." It pulls at your heart strings, but for his sake, and ours, he has to get to bed and start giving us Mommy and Daddy time again.
He also has been whining about taking his naps, both at school and at home. I understand that some kids give up their naos around his age, but, when your child is a nasty, cranky ball of tears by 4:30 ... he still needs a nap.
so, this kid, who no longer naps and who is probably finally falling asleep around 10:00 is finding is way into our bed on an almost nightly basis. I have tried saying no, having him stay for only a few minutes ... but he always end up remaining in the bed until morning. This wouldn't be that big of a deal, but when I am waking up to go work out at 5:30 or get up for work at 5:45 ... he decides it is time for him to be awak too. This means my 4 year old is getting, on average, 7 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period.
Not good for him or me.

Anyone have any good advice? Suggestions? Ways for me to keep from having a mental breakdown because now my husband feels that it is time to have a 3rd .... SHIT! I cannot get my first and second to sleep thought the night and you want me to add a THIRD?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?! Sweetie ... you best start dreaming!!!!!

A new snack!

I normally avoid the taste testing tables at Costco ... either I don't like what they are sampling, or I don't want to try it for fear of really liking it and knowing I shouldn't buy it.
The last time I was shopping, in the sanck section, they were sampling these:

I tried a few and liked them. I checked the nutrtional info and they weren't too bad. All natural. No trans fat. No preservatives. Only 135 calories in each bag. I thought about the kids and knowing how much they like having snacks I thought these might be a nice switch from crackers or chips.
I bought a box and they have seemed to enjoy them. Well, today I brought a bag. These were the Rosemary/Olive Oil version. YUMMY!!!!!!! Such a nice change from baked chips. I think I will be buying these on a consistant basis!

Where can I find the time????

How do some people do it? I know I bitch ... A LOT ... about my job. I will continue to bitch about my job until it changes or I am not there any more. But, I also know I still have some perks. I am not tethered to a desk every day from 8-5. I can set my schedule (most of the time) for what works for me ... around swim lessons, day care parties, etc.

What I do not get, is how do women who do work 8-5 every day get anything done?

Big J has grown about 2 feet in the last month or so. His feet? I think he is wearing men's sizes. I have to get him a complete new wardrobe for fall/winter. I also have changed sizes since last winter (thankfully SMALLER ... but not yet small enough to fit back into my pre-little j clothes) and need to get new jeans and some tops for the cold weather. I have a list of stores to hit and places to try ... but when the heck am I supposed to get this done?

Taking Big J shopping is just BEGGING for a barrage of, "Mommy, can I have's" and "You never get me anything's." Trying to find a pair of jeans that fit my inherited thunder thighs and baby pooch while keeping an 18 month old inside a fitting room and a 4 year old from asking why I have a scar on my belly is IMPOSSIBLE and draining.

So, on my way home every day, when I can, I stop at an individual store and get something done. How I miss the days of knowing I had the ability to work from home one day a week and I could tackle my errands in just a few short hours while the kids were at school. How I miss the days that I could avoid even coming near a store on a busy Saturday afternoon, while the boys are napping, when I would much rather be watching college football anyway!

And even without the boys ... have you tried on clothes lately (and if you have, and you are one of those woman who can look at a size, slip it on and voila pay dirt ... leave me alone!)??? I have pants at home. They are too big. I went to the store to get the SAME pants in one size down. Too small. Tried on the size I have at home .... too effing small!!!! WHAT?!?!?!?!??

I tried on jeans. I KNOW what kind I need ... I cannot, nor have I ever (even in my skinniest of days) been able to wear skinny jeans. Once again, the inherited thunder thighs have stopped that fantasy. So, I look for straight leg, mid rise (did I mention I have the "I have had 2 C-sections pooch"????) jeans. Um ... if you say they are S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T leg ... WHY do they get narrow at the thigh and then big at the calf ... um, by definition, is that straight??????

straight,adjective -er, -est, adverb, noun
–adjective 1. without a bend, angle, or curve; not curved; direct: a straight path.

So .... LUCKILY I found a pair of Liz & Co at JC Penney that I think does the trick.

THEN I went bra shopping ... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA .....

I tried doing this on Saturday afternoon in between naps and at the before the start of the ND game. Yeah ... she measured me, and, yet again, I am between sizes. Actually - I have BIG freakin boobs! Hello, can we say 34 DDD ... TRIPLE effing D?!?!?!??! Whatever happened to my sweet little 34 C chest? Oh yea, two kids.

So, Victoria Secret only had a 36 DD, I bought that and hope it will suffice until I can find a place that carries bras for big mamas. I ran home to catch the 2nd quarter of the game, change a load of laundry and get the kids ready for Saturday evening Mass.

ARGH! I am hoping to catch a burst of energy one evening after the boys go to sleep so I can actually clean the house ... doing things like that sporatically doesn't work because it never ends!!!!