33% done

Well, I have made it into the second trimester. Gained 6 pounds so far (three in each boob, I swear). Spent the past two months walking around feeling like I was going to vomit at any given moment (but never happening) and needing to eat every two hours to avoid the vomit sensation (but it didn't help the 'I don't wanna gain that much wait' goal! Also been battling a blood pressure reading that sky rockets every time I go to the doctor's office, so I am doing my best to combat that as well.
Now, I am starting to feel the lovely pull in my jeans and the headaches have started ... who are those people that love pregnancy, cuz I would like to see how they felt!
Trying to figure out now when to tell boss-man ... I just don't see his reaction being an exceptionally excited one. It always all about what affects him and the bottom line. Trouble is: I really don't care!
So, let's hope the queasiness goes away, the announcement goes uneventful and I get some energy back to figure out where my life is going from here!
6 more months!

Short ... but not so sweet

My boss has sunk to a new level .... really. He has.

The Blizzard that hit a few weeks ago? The one where the City and State pretty much told anyone who wasn't essential to their work (ie, doctors, police, firmen) that they shouldn't be on the roads. Period. My boss? Made people come in ... and stay until 5:00.

A co-worker had an episode last week at work. 911 was called. He had been working from home (um ... but I cannot????). When he found out, before anything got done and before the stretcher left the office, he was updating HR systems to reflect her docked sick time.

I have been working on a HUGE account for over a year. Trying to get this $ in to no avail. It finally came in on Wednesday, but the client forgot to bring something. In my boss' horribly untactful way of dealing with people, he pissed the client off and let him walk out of the office with a massive check in his pocket. And THEN had the audacity to say to me, "heh heh, oh well."

Heh Heh .... eff you dude. Really. You. are. a. DOUCHEBAG.

Watching my boys

I just turned on my nanny-cam and sat here and watched Big J do exercises with his class. Little j is doing an art project.

While I think it is awesome that they are getting this social network and stimulation, it makes me crave staying home with them even more.

I have been pouring my heart into work lately. It was New Year's goal of mine ... not complain as much and just try, harder.

Well, I have been. I have been working my ass off and have even reached my goal. Unfortunately I know this pace is going to die down, especially with the market starting to dive again.

The part that irks me the most, and always has, my jag-bag of a boss. Think he has said one encouraging remark since the start of the year? Think he has given me even a half-assed pat on the back? Nope. Nothing. Nada. Sip. Zilch. Zero.

Asshole.

Seriously.

So ... I will keep working hard. But, every time things like this happen I get an even longer list of reasons to hate my job, and my company. And I get 1000 more reasons to want to tell them to stuff it.

I love my life. I love my kids. I wish I could love my job ... ain't gonna happen.

Just stuff

Wow ... has it really been that long since I wrote anything???? Life hasn't been that boring, I haven't been "non-opinionated," basically, I just haven't had the time!

So, random thoughts (in no particular order)

My boss is a dickhead.

I am sick of these grey, rainy days. Seriously, I can maybe count on my one hand the amount of times the sun has been out in the past month!

How much snot can truly come out of a 19-month old's head? He isn't that big, so shouldn't the snot run dry at some point?

Why did I put my son in a good white T-shirt 2 hours before we took Great-Grandma to an Italian restaurant?

Why is it that when you are woken up at 2:00 am you could actually get out of bed and do stuff because you feel refreshed; but, when your alarm goes off at 5:30 to go workout or get to work you feel like you haven't slept in weeks?

Does little j really need to call out from his crib every time he cannot find his pacifier (I know ... get rid of it all together, but that is a battle I am not ready for yet!)? I put an extra one right by his head every night ... and every time I go in there to help him, it is still sitting where I left it!

I thought wives did the nagging and husbands did the complaining about it. Why, in my house, is it the opposite? Seriously dear husband, leave me alone before I explode!

Halloween is on Saturday. The boys' school party is tomorrow. time to put the finishing touches on their costumes. And time to get my mouth tied shut. Here is a mathematics problem for you:
Me + Halloween Candy - Willpower = BIG FAT THIGHS, BUTT, TUMMY + guilt!

Big J ate his vegetables 2 days in a row without being asked. Yahoo Mountain Dew!!!! Can this become a streak?

Thanks to my sister, I have a few pages created on my website already. I have been at a stall with working on it, but I feel good that it actually exists!

I love my Monday and Wednesday Spin classes. I haven't made it to a Friday class in over a month. Do I really think that my weight will continue to disappear if I don't make it to the gym? Let's fix that math problem again:

Me + Halloween Candy - Willpower - gym = big fat thighs, butt, tummy + guilt

I need a girl's night out. Any takers? ;)

We have all been sick in our house. Big J had a massive fever on Saturday and looked like death. Little j had the fever on Friday but never looked that bad. Both boys are better. Me? I feel like shit. But, I have to work and take care of the kids and house so ... no rest for me.

I went to the ND game this past Saturday with my Uncles ... had a great time, but froze my ass off. Wish my Dad could have been there as well ...

Did I mention that my boss is a dickhead? Let's reformulate that problem again:

Me + Candy - Willpower - gym + obnoxious boss = one big, fat, guilt-filled BITCH!!!

Disdain

I hate my boss.

Seriously. I don't mean I dislike him. I mean, I truly hope he trips on a crack in the sidewalk and falls in front of a bunch of onlookers and rips a hole in his little freaking khaki pants.

I know, bad Catholic, right? Sorry. I am sure I will go to bed tonight, say my prayers and ask God to forgive me, but for know. I hate the man.

The man is truly inept. He has no clue what I do all day (yet pretends to know all). He has no idea how to treat a customer (yet tries to teach me). He has no idea how to manage people (yet he gets paid 6 figures to act like it).

C'mon people. Who lets these people climb corporate ladders anyway? Its like the athelete who makes it through college but never learns to read. What the hell happens?

I have asked him for two weeks now, that I need to speak with him regarding some troubles I am having with my territory. His response? (same as always, I don't know why it upsets me, it is on freaking repeat) "I am so busy, we will talk when you are in the office next." Well, dipshit, I have been in the office three effing times since we spoke and, um, yeah, that's right, we still haven't discussed anything.

I was in the hellhole, oh, excuse me ... I was in theeoffice yesterday since 8:00. He was there most of the day too. He KNOWS I leave at 4:25 in order to get the elevator (our building is so old that a man stands downstairs and pulls rope to bring the elevator up to you ... really, I swear!) and make it to my train in time to get the kids before day care starts to charge $$ for minutes that I am late. So ... this brainiac shows up at my desk at 4 freaking 20 to discuss his time out in the field with me from last week.

Of course, these discussions are never positive, not for me, anyway. My numbers are all below average (well, maybe if my coworkers weren't hanging out in my territory all week, those averages might turn around a bit), I suck, blah, blah, blah.

He asks if I have questions and I think to myself, "OK, asshole. I ask you for all kinds of shit all the freaking time. You sit here and ask me if I have questions. Um, will you answer these questions, or will you tell me that you will have time to answer them in the year 2011?" So, I respond with a terse, no and head off to my train ... which I miss. Fuck.

I know when I chat with my husband about it I will get the world's greatest PC answer (same that I always get). "He is your boss. We need the salary for a while longer. Is there anything that you can change ..... (insert what you want here: elevator music, the 'wah wah wah wah wah wah wah' sounds from Charlie Brown, Seinfeld's 'yadda yadda yadda', etc .... I certainly do).

The fact is. I am busting my fat tail. Seriously. I used to goof around. Putz my day away and wonder why I wasn't cutting it. That all changed. I used to work out in the field a max of three days a week (with the old boss, as long as you were at your goal, it didn't matter WHAT you did, as long as it was done), I now work five. I bring home LESS than 50% of my salary because I have to pay day care for five days a week. I am busting my hump, while coworkers sit around and watch $$ roll in because of their territory or their hook-up with the boss (yes, there is that going on too). I won't do it.

I won't steal or cheat to get my numbers up. I won't stab people in the back to make myself look good. I am better than that. So, if I get fired. Tough shit. Would it be a blow to the ego? Hell yeah. Would hit hurt financially? Right now, yes. But - I would survive.

Do I hate my boss? Yes. I do. OK ..... maybe not hate ...... but please, don't ever ask me to say anything nice about him, because I have nothing ... my mind draws a big flat blank.

Mother Effer .... here we go again!

OK ... so the latest from "Big Brother" ....

Now I get to hang out with "bossman" every freaking 3rd Friday so he can see what I do in the field (I freaking work, dumbass).

Not THAT big of a deal ... I will do it. My beef? Did he ASK me about my schedule ... did he TALK with me? NOPE. He made his decision and then TOLD me.

Of course, I look at my calendar for the next few months and every 3rd Friday was the day I chose as a day for a pediatrician appointment, an admin day, Cubs tickets (ie I work half, take half off) .....

In the meantime the Army has allowed E to work from home. He has the effing audacity to call me, while I am in the office, the day after I told him how disgruntled I am at work, to tell me how much he LOVES working from home ... blah, blah, blah. WTF ever.

Shit. I hate my job.

(OK ... its Holy Week ... and once again, my potty mouth rears its ugly head when I talk about my stinkin job. oops.)

Season of Discontent

OK - we all know how much I hate my job. I seriously hate my job.

Lately though - it is getting worse. The boss - sucks ... honestly, he is a jag-bag. Totally a thoughtless ass-hole (pardon my French).

I wake up with absolutely NO motivation to get the job done .... which isn't good. I have to work. I need the paycheck. And, really, I am not a bad worker.

Wish the economy wasn't where it is ... finding a way out seems to be like trying to find the eye of a needle in the darkness!

Oh well .... I will continue to take the shit, play the game and pray for a way out.

Orwellian?

So ... the latest work scheme ... Now create a calendar within our lotus Notes (of course we don't use Outlook b/c we aren't normal like anyone else) ... a calendar so that anyone (ahem: the boss, the boss's boss, the boss's boss's boss...) can check on where we are, when, for how long, why .... A calendar ON TOP OF a weekly report we have to send in every Friday showing where we were, who we saw and what we did ... A calendar ON TOP OF the weekly report ON TOP OF the production report we have to send in every week to show what $ we brought in ...

The topper? We are already out of the field once a week while we sit in the office and take phone calls. We have been told by the boss that if our numbers aren't at 100% of goal (mine haven't been in over a year) that we shouldn't be taking a day to do any administration work, meaning, do it on your own time.

WTF? Yeah ... um ... no. MY time is precisely that ... MY TIME. I do not make 6 figures, no where even close. I have no desire or need to do anything outside of my work hours.

I hate my job.

What comes next ... show us what you do in between time? Um, how many times do you pee on company time?

How about cameras on our rear view mirrors to show how much work we get done while we are in the car?

Maybe GPS tracking devices on our computers (I wouldn't hesitate to think that this has already been done)?

Did I mention I hate my job?

Loyal no More (was I ever?)

I have to go to my National Meeting in two weeks. This year it is in Jacksonville. I will be heading to Tampa the weekend before, visiting with my family and then leaving the boys with my Mom and Dad while I am away.
The closer I get to the meeting, the more irritated I get with the situation ... actually, the more angry I get about it.
We found out about E leaving last year on January 8. I was supposed to go to our National Meeting in New Orleans from Jan 14 - 18. E was LEAVING on January 20. Long story short, I had to get out of this meeting. It took an act of GOD for my boss to finally say I didn't have to attend. (When I had originally asked him, his response was, "Well, the Pres of Sales really needs you there, it is very important." Whatever asshole).
So, onto this year. I find out that if you want to go casual all week at the meeting, you bring a check to donate to the charity of their choice. They picked the USO, specifically families of deployed Navy soldiers.
Can we say hypocrites????? Since last January I haven't gotten a phone call, email, note, telegram ... NOTHING ... from ANYONE in management about my situation. I have had a baby, holidays have come and gone, and no one has thought about "the family left behind."
My boss, the dick head, hasn't asked about E in months. HE has NO clue that he is back in the States ... because I refuse to bring it up. Until they ask, I will let them assume what ever they want.
Think I have loyalty to this company? This management team? These co-workers? Yeah ... um ... the big fat answer would be HELL NO. I am so mad, I could spit. I hate my job. I hate my boss. I hate Nationwide. I think they all are a bunch of assholes. They prove, every day, that the PERSON doesn't matter, it is what you can do for them that matters.

I am so done. I do not care any more. Fire me - I will collect unemployment and save money by not sending my boys to day care FIVE days a week (when I am technically "working from home" according to my pay grade). But, I will not quit (unless, obviously I find something else .. I would rather torture the shit out of em all).

By the way ... I have been doing REALLY well on my New Years Resolution of cleaning up my potty mouth .... except for when the topics of Obama or my boss come up!

Prove it.

OK Obama - prove it. As my boss yelled, as he gaily skipped down the all "I brought in Obama cookies, eat them. He is finally president, thank GOD." .... (dude, first of all gay-boy, I don't think you would know God if he smacked you across the face, second, I don't give a shit. Why is it OK for you to throw your anti-Bush shit at me, yet, if I were to say one effing word about ANYTHING I believe in, I would be trashed?????????)
So, yes, he is President. I will respect him for the Office that he holds. But, why, do I have to respect a man that doesn't show that he will uphold ANY of the beliefs that I hold dear to my heart. Why am I a bad person for actually thinking that Bush did a good job?
Can we stop the Bush-hating now? Was he perfect? No - not in any way. But, he kept me safe after 9/11 (which was NOT his fault ... thank you Bill Clinton for being too busy with your golf game to give the orders to capture Bin Laden). He lowered my taxes, so I was able to buy a home and gain a few steps in my $$ world. He helped in passing the ban on partial birth abortion, single handily - his most important accomplishment while in office. He helped make changes in pension reform - allowing us to defer more out of our checks, hopefully allowing most of us to STOP working some day. He helped create the Amber alert, and many other child protection acts.
Because MTV, Facebook and CNN proclaim Obama as Messiah should I have felt the Earth stop spinning when he was sworn in? Should I have expected the DOW to NOT have dropped 330 points today, because, "change is here?" Am I the only one that sees people worshiping this man as if he were Jesus Christ himself? Isn't that a major sin? Thou shalt not worship false gods?!??!?!?!?

Where do I start?
Where do I finish?

Prove it to me Mr. President. Prove to me that you are really "for the people" and not what I think you are going to be. Prove me wrong.

I don't think he can. I don't think he will.

God help us.

More work BS

So .... ever since I decided that I needed to get out of my current position, I find that I have NO desire to even THINK of my job. The sad and scary thing? Not a BITE from my resume ... not even a nibble.

Here is the latest from the "most brilliant manager in the world" :

Background:
About a month ago, "the boss" came to me with this brilliant schedule he drew up on his nice pretty spreadsheet (and I mean PRETTY - colors and everything were included). He had decided that September we would have "financial fair" days. We would set up at most of our locations and drum up business through fliyers, bulletins, etc. Fine - except .....
He wanted me at my police stations from 6am till 10 am ... and 2pm till 6pm (to cover all shifts). I cannot do this. Day care doesn't even OPEN until 6:30 and it closes at 6. "The boss" said that he knew it would be hard for me, and that someone could cover for me, but "it wouldn't look very good for my performance review." (Yes - please notice those QUOTES!).
So ... I scrambled to call family and friends, and finally worked out dates for people to help me out and babysit, so that "the boss" would give me a glorious review. Every day in Spetember was booked solid with police visits ... and when I wasn't scheduled to be at a police station, he wanted me sitting at a firehouse from 10-4 (in the hope that local fire houses would come see me).
OK ....

Fast forward to last Thursday:
I sent "the boss" an email asking him about these fair days, because no one I was talking with seemed to know anything about them. He ignored me email. Late Thursday we were told that we had a mandatory conference call with "the boss."
So ... this is how "the boss" starts:
"I have not had time to let the City know about all of our dates for these fair days. SO I would like to reschedule everything for October."

WWWWWWW TTTTTTTT FFFFFFFFFF?!?!??!?!?!??!?!??!?!

So, since I am the ONLY one on our group that ever seems to have issues, and am the ONLY one that ever speaks up. I tell him that I cannot do that. That I have babysitters coming in from out of town to help and there is NO way I can reschedule.

So, "the boss" says, well, we will just get someone to cover for you.

My turn to throw HIM under the boss. I say:
"No. I don't think so. You told me that if I had someone cover for me, it would look bad on my review. And, I do not one anyone else in my territory, getting my business."

Some people finally speak up and say that we should just keep our originaly schedule, sans the firehouses .....

Whatever is all I have to say.

I .... really .... HATE .... my .... job ... and ... "the boss" .....

Must vent NOW

OK ... so I am either going to vent on here - or I am going to get fired - TODAY.

So .... I am in that office, as I mentioned before ... I hate it each and every time I am here. I feel like we all get treated like 10 year olds. Take your break at such and such a time, lunch at such and such .... except for the QUEEN of the office.

Myself and another girl are filling in for 2 people that are on vacation today. We both just got bitched out for not taking our breaks and lunches at the precise time we are alotted. She is supposed to go to lunch at 12:00 - me? 2:00 (yeah I know - WTF kind of lunch am I supposed to eat at 2:00???)

OK - so ... she leaves at 12:00 for lunch ... QUEEN decided she is going to take her break at 12:00 as well .... and that she will not accept any clients b/c she is BUSY ... than why the eff she she even here? I thought that was our job ..... so ... I sit here - taking all the mother effing phone calls, seeing all the walk-in clients AND getting freaking crap piled up on my desk by the boss who seems to think it is just fine to ignore her superiority and dump on teh rest of us....

I am so over this shit ... can you tell?

Wordless Wednesday