I want to be ....????

What do I want to be when I grow up?

Shoot. I wish I would have been one of those kids, whom, when asked this question, would TOTALLY know what they wanted to do. You know the types: "Susie, what so you want to be when you grow up?" "I want to be a doctor."

Yea. That wasn't me. What did I answer? A rock star. A freaking rock star. THAT was a brilliant idea.

Actually, what I always knew, was that I just wanted to be my Mom. I wanted to support my husband, raise my children and take care of our house. I knew that from way back. But, suddenly that became un-cool. You HAD to pick something.

So, I went to a college prep high school. I was smart. Not genius smart ... but A's and B's (at Benet Academy that aint no slouch). I was ranked 57 out of 312 when I graduated. Yet, still, I didn't know what I wanted to do.

My Dad had always promised us that we could go where ever we wanted to go for school. He would pay for 4 years and 4 years only. I had friends going to Notre Dame, Duke, schools that cost arms, legs and bodies. After thinking about it (and being the world's BIGGEST chicken shit), I figured it was stupid to pay $50,00 a year for something that I had no clue what to do. State school would be fine for me.

UCF was great. I am proud of my school, and getting prouder. But even after I started, I STILL didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. Stupid me, even though I was VERY good at math and writing, I was sick of them, so I picked a major based on NOT having to do those things.

Criminal Justice degree here I come. Could I have been any more retarded? I wanted to "help" people. Duh. Whatever.

I graduated. And STILL didn't know what I wanted to do. My first job was at Best Buy because I couldn't find anything I wanted to do. Real impressive to tell the folks that want you at a 5 year reunion (thank God I lived in Florida at the time).

I finally got a job in my field working at a children's treatment center. Basically, I was an underpaid, overworked babysitter. These kids, mostly juvi kids, were nuts. I spent most of my days putting kids in holds, tackling them when they were trying to run and stopping hall riots. The day I broke my finger was when I had had enough.

I saw an ad in the paper to be a customer service rep at T Rowe Price. No experience needed - they would train you - you just needed a degree.

I got the job and it felt good to put on "work clothes" and go to work. But I still didn't feel it. For some, this was their dream job, getting their foot into the door in the financial industry. I just knew it was a good paycheck and I wasn't getting spit upon.

I moved from T Rowe to where I am now (it will be 10 years in June). I have enjoyed certain aspects of my career. But, as most of you have read from my previous posts, I hate most of it.

I am constantly trying to figure out what "job" would make me happy. I want to do something for myself. I know what I enjoy. I know what I am good at. But can they make money?

The biggest question for me is this: will I have time with my children. I didn't have babies only to drop them off to be in someone Else's hands 50% of the time.

What do I want to be when I grow up? I still think I know my answer. The pay isn't great. It is a dirty job and you NEVER get vacation. But the rewards are Heavenly. I want to be "mom."