Number One or Number Two?

Last week little j decided that he no longer wanted to wear diapers any more, he wanted to "go potty on the potty."

He made this decision at school and they said he just made the decision and started going.

When I potty trained Big J, I was doing it on my own, as E was deployed. We started backwards, going #2, and because of that, I taught him how to pee sitting down and tucking his little thingie down. With the exception of an occasional slip, or the kid really needing to pee, my bathroom stayed clean and dry.

Fast forward a few years. Big J is now a big boy and stands up to pee. Cool. I get that. I am forever cleaning up dribbles here and there, but nothing out of this world. Crap, I still have to clean up after my husband and he is 36 years old!!!!!

little j decided that he will have to pee standing up; just like his brother. The little dude's thingie barely fits over the side of the toilet, and he refuses to hold on, so basically, while he thinks he is peeing in the potty, he is actually peeing on my walls, floors, cabinets, rugs, etc, etc, etc .....

When my little dude decides he has to finally take care of Number 2, his little thingie just "stands" there ready to shoot ... and it does ... well.

So, for the last two weeks, I have been in potty hell ...while I was overjoyed at returning a box of 144 diapers to Costco yesterday, I am overwhelmed at all of my cleanup and constant need for standing in pools of pee.

We moved on to "underwears" (as little j likes to say) this week, using Pull-ups and diapers at night until we run out. He stays dry at school, no accidents ... but then again, they have these tiny little pottys at school - they are just the right height. As soon as he got home last night, he peed and his pants and underwear and socks (and my carpet and floor) were soaked.

I have tried to show him how to sit and tuck. Big J has shown him. Daddy has shown him.

Nope, my little j wants to become Big J, Jr .... there will be no sitting and tucking if he has his way!

Restart?

There is a shift happening; some sort of cosmic alignment of the stars. There has to be. My world feels like the Earth tilted a little bit extra on its axis. I am out of sorts ... completely.

Big J turned 5 on Sunday. He starts Kindergarten on Thursday. My baby is a boy. When the hell did that happen?

We went to get his pictures taken last Friday afternoon. When I was sitting in front of the computer screen looking at the proofs, I kept thinking to myself, "Something is wrong. What looks so wrong with him?" I even wondered if he was "cute" anymore (and immediately felt like a bad Mom) ... and that is when it hit me. He isn't cute anymore. He lost all hints of being a baby. There are no more wrinkles of skin on his hands. There is no more chubbiness in his cheeks. His face has narrowed. He is a young man. He looks handsome.

He has also become a little punk too! He has this attitude about him. He is King of the pout. King of the Last Word. King of the "HMPFs!" He loves to talk back, loves to shake his head like a diva (are boys supposed to do that?????). It is so stinking annoying. I miss my sweet boy. Every conversation with him involves me saying, "J that isn't funny, knock it off." I miss my sweet innocent boy ... where did he go???

His big boy 5th birthday party was on Saturday. He invited two of his friends from day care ... want to talk about wimpy? The two boys, one was actually a first grader, just stood on the patio while Big J, little j and a few friends of the family played games. They kept saying that they were hot and wanted to sit inside with the air conditioning. I finally relented after about 30 minutes because I just couldn't take the whining any more! My house was destroyed and they were only there for two hours! I guess we have hit the time in life where parties are separated, one for family, and one for friends (and from now on, that one from friends is OUTSIDE of my home).

Big J got Lego set after Lego set for presents ... no more cars, trucks, trains or dinosaurs. Now it is Lego Pirate forts or rescue ships. The kid can actually sit for hours trying to piece these puzzles (meant for children ages 7-10) together.

Where oh where has my baby gone?????

And now, tomorrow, I am going to "Meet the Teacher" at school. Meet the Teacher?????? Holy Crap .... KINDERGARTEN! KINDERGARTEN! KINDERGARTEN!!!!!!

I am just a bit freaked out .... I feel like everything is changing all at once and I am trying to figure out just how to handle it all. I have spent five years getting to know my son. Five years learning how to handle work and day care, trying to always show him that he is my priority, not work. And now, suddenly, in the blink of an eye, my son has changed. My life has changed. My world ... it's changed.

I feel like its back to square one .... no one told me this. No one prepared me for this in any book or child birth class. No one told me that you would mourn the little dude that once toddled down the hall yelling for you. No one told me that you would want to smack your lovely 5 year old upside the head and then cradle him in your arms all at the same time. No one told me that I would cry my eyes out, not because he is going into Kindergarten, but because he is different and I have to learn who he is all over again.

Big J is all gown up ... and I have NO clue how to be a Mom to him .... Guess I better start learning!