Do you hear that? I do - it is called SILENCE!

My family came to visit last Wednesday. I had four extra adults (my parents and my youngest sister and her husband) and one baby (my nephew) added to my already full house.


I was excited to entertain. I had BBQ pork (my root beer and BBQ sauce recipe) in the crock pot for the night they got there and drinks were flowing- as always.


Thursday I took them all on the train to the City. We hung out at Millennium Park, ate lunch, and enjoyed a beautiful Summer day. That night we were all too exhausted to do anything, so I fired up the grill for dinner and we chilled.


Friday was when I could feel the walls starting to close in a little bit. While I love my sister dearly, she has always been a perfectionist, and controlling (if a youngest sibling can possibly be that way). Well, ever since Baby N was born you could multiply all of these by 6 ... or 7 ... shit, try 10! Now, I know all about being a new mom, I know all about hormones; but you have to remember what kind of mom I was/am.


I didn't freak about sterilizing stuff. I didn't panic when we had no schedule. I didn't throw a hissy if someone held him the "wrong way."


My approach was, and has always been, if it worked for my Mom it is fine for me ... and I am going to follow what my "mommy gut" tells me.


J is not this way. And she let everyone know. Thankfully she was visiting old friends that night, and staying in a hotel the rest of the trip anyway!


That night, my middle sister arrived and we were going to go out to a nice dinner. Unfortunately E never got out of work until 10:15, so we ordered pizza and drank and drank and drank. (Its a sure sign of trouble when you know your liquor store man on a first name basis, he hugs and kisses you when you walk in the door, and he hands you a free bottle of wine "just because").


Saturday was our long awaited belated 60th birthday BBQ for my parents ... and a surprise. It went without a hitch, and my Mom and Dad were thrilled. I am pretty proud that I entertained, fed and hosted 35 people in my house. Granted, I had help, but I am still going to give myself a pat on the back :)


Sunday we went to Mass and enjoyed a lazy afternoon. We had reservations that evening at a modern steakhouse that E and I have been dying to share with my parents. After driving 30 minutes to get to said steakhouse, we arrive only to find its doors locked and a makeshift sign on the window - Closed due to Power Outage. WHAT?!?!?!?!??!


Scramble to find a new place. Head to Millrose in Barrington and service was pathetic. The food? Lackluster. For being a place that we have been to more than I can count, I can promise you I will never go back. Also, end the evening with a fight between sister #3 and me (why is it that when I stand up for myself I am being argumentative or controlling, but when she does, she is "hormonal"????)


We smoothed the fight over and on Monday morning, my parents, two sisters, my brother-in-law, nephew AND my two boys hopped into a limo and headed for Florida.


Yep, you heard right, my boys are on vacation. For ten days. I miss them ... but ... YAHOO .... it has been nice to just chill!


I have so much stuff I want to get done with them being gone, but all I have really done is catch up with my DVR, go to dinner with Eric, and sleep past 6:00 AM!


I head to Florida next Wednesday for five days and then we return for the rest of the Summer.


Until then ... I am going to continue to chill and enjoy the silence.

Lions and lambs ... oh my!

Where to begin??? March came in like a lion ... and has yet to lose its roar! Little j turned the big "3" on the 14th. He was so excited. We took him to Red Robin for a birthday celebration and ice cream sundae. We came home and opened presents. Big J bought him a Dinosaur Train set - he loved it. He gave his big brother a huge hug. We bought him an adjustable basketball hoop - he went nuts. The boys played (in the living room since it was still butt-ass cold, but it was fun none-the-less) for hours that evening. March Madness started and our annual rite of what-seems-like 96 hours of straight basketball began. I love every stinkin second. I even got Big J involved and we made a family bracket. He and I were on opposing sides during the Villanova-George Mason game and watching him get so involved and excited was priceless. (And, for the record, I didn't care about Obama's picks this year either!) Little j's party was a few days later and we had a great time celebrating. The weather actually cooperated with us, so the kids played outside while the grown-ups watched basketball and ate and ate and ate. I made mini-chicken burritos, dinosaur chicken nuggets (it was a Dino themed party), and mini pizza pockets (a total hit, made from Phyllo shells). We also had some Skinnygirl Margaritas (that stuff is AWESOME - I totally recommend it!). The following week was Spring Break for Big J. I took Monday, Tuesday and Friday off .... E's Mom watched them on Wednesday and Thursday so I got to give him a real break from school and day care. Monday we took advantage of the only day that was nice and spent it shopping at the outdoor mall, eating lunch at California Pizza Kitchen and playing some baseball in the front yard. Tuesday it poured all day and we just hung out inside and did absolutely nothing. The boys loved every second of it! Friday I took them out to Noodles and Company for lunch and then we went to see Diary of the Wimpy Kid part 2. They both laughed their asses off. It was so nice to just "be at home" with them without worrying about phone calls, work email, bosses, etc, etc, etc. I love doing that (even though I want to beat their asses at the end of the day!) In between all of that we actually celebrated my birthday. After Little j's big day, I am always an after-thought. E and the boys took me to dinner at Claim Jumper - we sat at the bar and watched more basketball. I got some UCF scrubs from the boys and E is taking me to buy a large clock for our family room wall that I have been wanting for quite some time. E and I went out for a birthday dinner date on Saturday to Pete Millers ... more basketball (NCAA and NBA) and hockey ... with great food and lots of wine!!!!! It was sad to see the great week come to an end but thankfully my Mom and Dad are coming to town on Friday and I have that to look forward to! Really ready for March to leave like a lamb now .... any time. ;)

Restart?

There is a shift happening; some sort of cosmic alignment of the stars. There has to be. My world feels like the Earth tilted a little bit extra on its axis. I am out of sorts ... completely.

Big J turned 5 on Sunday. He starts Kindergarten on Thursday. My baby is a boy. When the hell did that happen?

We went to get his pictures taken last Friday afternoon. When I was sitting in front of the computer screen looking at the proofs, I kept thinking to myself, "Something is wrong. What looks so wrong with him?" I even wondered if he was "cute" anymore (and immediately felt like a bad Mom) ... and that is when it hit me. He isn't cute anymore. He lost all hints of being a baby. There are no more wrinkles of skin on his hands. There is no more chubbiness in his cheeks. His face has narrowed. He is a young man. He looks handsome.

He has also become a little punk too! He has this attitude about him. He is King of the pout. King of the Last Word. King of the "HMPFs!" He loves to talk back, loves to shake his head like a diva (are boys supposed to do that?????). It is so stinking annoying. I miss my sweet boy. Every conversation with him involves me saying, "J that isn't funny, knock it off." I miss my sweet innocent boy ... where did he go???

His big boy 5th birthday party was on Saturday. He invited two of his friends from day care ... want to talk about wimpy? The two boys, one was actually a first grader, just stood on the patio while Big J, little j and a few friends of the family played games. They kept saying that they were hot and wanted to sit inside with the air conditioning. I finally relented after about 30 minutes because I just couldn't take the whining any more! My house was destroyed and they were only there for two hours! I guess we have hit the time in life where parties are separated, one for family, and one for friends (and from now on, that one from friends is OUTSIDE of my home).

Big J got Lego set after Lego set for presents ... no more cars, trucks, trains or dinosaurs. Now it is Lego Pirate forts or rescue ships. The kid can actually sit for hours trying to piece these puzzles (meant for children ages 7-10) together.

Where oh where has my baby gone?????

And now, tomorrow, I am going to "Meet the Teacher" at school. Meet the Teacher?????? Holy Crap .... KINDERGARTEN! KINDERGARTEN! KINDERGARTEN!!!!!!

I am just a bit freaked out .... I feel like everything is changing all at once and I am trying to figure out just how to handle it all. I have spent five years getting to know my son. Five years learning how to handle work and day care, trying to always show him that he is my priority, not work. And now, suddenly, in the blink of an eye, my son has changed. My life has changed. My world ... it's changed.

I feel like its back to square one .... no one told me this. No one prepared me for this in any book or child birth class. No one told me that you would mourn the little dude that once toddled down the hall yelling for you. No one told me that you would want to smack your lovely 5 year old upside the head and then cradle him in your arms all at the same time. No one told me that I would cry my eyes out, not because he is going into Kindergarten, but because he is different and I have to learn who he is all over again.

Big J is all gown up ... and I have NO clue how to be a Mom to him .... Guess I better start learning!

Birthdays, Trips and more

Where oh where have I been these past two weeks!!!

Life has been spinning ... sometimes spinning out of control, and I would love to know where my plans always end up ... cuz they are NOT coming even close to completion!

So, let's see .... what have we done, seen, heard and thought of in these past two weeks???

I took some time off (yahoo Mountain Dew!) to celebrate Big J's birthday ... the BIG 4 (talk about where has the time gone??????) It was the Friday before his birthday ... I took him in for his 4 year pictures (I suddenly realized why I never have pictures on here any more ... I am never on my home computer ... where I keep them all ... I will have to create a new post just to do this one thing!). He is such a cool dude now ... I want to just hug him and save him him for future days ... knowing that he won't always be just this cool!!!!

After his pics, we picked up his younger brother and the 3 of us went to CPK for lunch. We had a blast coloring and goofing around. It was bittersweet ... to see how much fun they are ... but to know that it will never be like this again ... 4 and 17 months.

That Saturday was his actual birthday. We took him out for pancakes (they came free for his bday ... we actually had so many free kids' meals I couldn't use them all up!). After pancakes we went to the Framer's Market where he picked out some blueberries, apples and cookies ... it was too fun! That afternoon, Big J went with E to the Bears' game, while little j and I started getting the house ready for the birthday party, and for my parents' visit. So much to do ... and no where NEAR enough time to get it done.

Sunday was the day of the party .... Big J was so hyped. We picked up hi pirate cake (once again ... pics to be posted) and balloons .. and people started showing up at noon. It was a great party.

My parents were getting along with E's parents (it is so nice to see this ... after all of the crap we have all trudged thru for so long. Friends have become like family now. The only issue I had was with Big J's friend's mom. Dude ... watch your effing kid! I swear ... for about a month now, Big J has been coming home from school with talks from his teachers about he and "aggressive one" wrestling, etc. I have been trying to teach him about no hands, etc ... now I know WHO the culprit is.

I stood there and watched Aggressive One slug Big J for no reason. His Mom? GIGGLED. She effing giggled. Freaking blond bitch. About an hour later, Aggressive One took a car and shoved into Big J's face ... once again, she smiled and then, upon seeing my irritation, she said, "Aggressive One ... stop." ... now, if it were my child ... um ... let us not even BEGIN to go there!!!!!!

Anyway, once Aggressive One and his family left (and oh yea ... one more beef .... they have 3 kids, ages 6, 4 and 1 .... Aggressive One is in class with Big J .... what did they give Big J for his presents? A Dora board game and a little baby Tonka truck ... can we say, thanks for the re-gifts???? Big J looked at the game and said, "Mom, Dora is for girls."), the party was great and everyone really had fun.

My parents stayed thru that Tuesday and we all really enjoyed oursleves. They got along really well with E (and vice versa) and I enjoyed their company and the fact that I was not at work!!!!!

On Tuesday Big J left with my parents for his vacation in Florida - he was SO excited!!!

Life has been quiet aroudn teh house without my little dude ... but he is loving every second of his trip. and little j? He is having the time of his little life too. I think he loves having the center of attention for once! He even said a few words ... "melmo" (Elmo) and "oooooonnnn" (moon) ... now if we could just get "MOMMY!!!!!!!"

On Thursday I head down to Tampa to see Big J and I stay thru Tuesday ... can we say PSYCHED???

Why am I psyched?

• I see my sister who can, hopefully, help me nail down my logo for my business so when I get back and I can start to really get moving


• I get to see my "bug" ... I really do miss him


• I get to get pampered by Mom and Dad for a while .......... aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh


• The weather here sucks ass ... serioulsly, Summer is GONE.


• FOUR more days off of work ... I still hate this place

Pics to come soon .... really!!!!!

35 candles . . .

One year older ... I don't feel it.

Sometimes I miss the big deal that birthdays were. You know, the parties, presents, UPS deliveries. Being the center of attention for a day or two.

I remember some of my favorite birthdays. My 13th - my first boy/girl party. My 16th - my surprise party. My 17th - a special night with my high school sweetheart. My 21st - wait. I don't remember that one ;)My 30th - another great surprise.

Instead of UPS trucks and parties, I got to sit in the office all day. But ... I got a slobbery kiss from Big J this morning ... and a smile from Little j.

We will celebrate tonight with Taco Tuesday.

Happy Birthday to me. ;)

Monday, Monday ...

The weekend is done already? Geesh ... another Monday is here. WooHoo! (Can you hear the elation in my voice?!?!!?)

The weekend was nice ... trying to curb my irritation with being Mommy sometimes. No Daddy + PMS + 5 month old + almost-3 year old = AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

We took Big J for his 3 year pics on Saturday ... what a handsome little dude he is becomming (I will scan pics in tonight and post) ... all signs of my baby are pretty much gone. :(

This week is going to be crazy .... working and waiting for my parents to HOPEFULLY make it into town on Thyrsday (Hurricane Fay could put a damper on that one). Big J's birthday is on Friday and his party - the Cubs party he has been talking about for weeks is Saturday. I have grocery shopping to get to ASAP for his tacos (his request) .... I am excited for him.

Lttle j's Baptism is on Sunday - it is going to be a SMALL, understated ceremony ... since Daddy cannot make it, and his Godmother cannot make it .... Afterwards my Mom and Dad take Big J back with them for 2 weeks. While I know I am looking forward to a bit of a break from my little blue-eyed bug, I am going to miss my buddy terribly.