Hello .... remember me? Pay attention to ME!

I have LOTS to blog about ... but only so much time. Lots to catch up with ... but, for now ...

I love my husband, really, I DO love him.

But, I am not in awe of everything he does, and I don't think he is the most wonderful man that has ever stepped onto this earth. He is a great guy, really! I just don't view him the way some girls view their husbands. Why is this bothering me right now? It seems like everywhere I go, people are writing about or talking about how WONDERFUL and PERFECT their husbands are.

Backrubs, little gifts, helping them in every way .... honestly, I do not get these things.

(Yes, some of this may be put on ... I mean, seriously, after being married for 10 years with 3 kids, can a couple TRULY NEVER FIGHT!?!??!?!?!?)

Over the years my husband as dealt with a lot of issues. Rather than dealing with these issues head on, he would rather spend his time blaming me for his problems. This game ebbs and flows. My counselor has told me that it will probably stay like this forever ... it is who he is.

Most days, I can handle it. He has his sweet moments ... and those are awesome. But, sometimes he has his nasty moments and those are the days I question EVERYTHING about us, our lives and my involvent in the whole thing.

When I read about these grteat husbands, there are times, honestly, I get jealous. I wish I had a husband that rubbed my feet when I was pregnant and exhausted. I wish I had a husband who stopped on the way home from work and picked me up my favorite ice cream, just because. I wish I had a husband that ranted and raved about how great I am on Facebook for all to see.

I don't.

I have a husband who says thank you for dinners I cook, and a husband who takes care of the house and our boys. But, for the most part, his "awe" of me is unspoken. I have a husband who lives his life around one person, himself.

I have learned to compensate for this in small ways ... I have learned to just not yearn for things too often. But, its times like the holidays when everyone's lives get all cutesy and cheesy that I do really long for attention; full-on, devoted attention.

Maybe someday, by some God-sent miracle, I will have that. Until then, I will try and please me, myself and I when I am not getting it from my significant other.