The fog rolls in ...

I am sure we have all heard descriptions in our novels about fog rolling in. We have all pictured the scene in our heads hundreds, if not thousands (depending on how much you read!), of times.

You know, there is a field, cemetery, house, street, etc and as the person looks out into the distance they can see the fog, thick as pea soup, creeping ever closer to where they are. In your head you can just see this mass of blackness rolling towards this person and you can imagine the air getting thick and damp.

Well, the fog is rolling in and it is thick, damp and depressing.

Every year, I try and get myself psyched for the end of Summer, Fall and start of (cough, cough) Winter.

Every year I think about the good things that come with this time of year, pumpkin patches, football, batches of chili, Halloween, Thanksgiving, hot chocolate after a cool evening spent running around in the yard.

Those things are all so picturesque and nice, but they don't stop the dread and blahness that encompasses me.

Every year, it seems our Summers abruptly end and we get Fall like a slap on the back. Lately, though, we have skipped right over the Fall season and headed straight for Winter.

We have hit 18 days significantly below normal temperatures. It is gray and rainy most of the time. It has been too cold and damp to let the boys play outside. There is no outlook for things to even reach normal in the near future.

So, again, I try and think about the positives. Those positives quickly escape my head as dread and sadness creeps in. You see, I have been diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression or winter blues, is a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter or, less frequently, in the summer,[1] spring or fall, repeatedly, year after year. In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), SAD is not a unique mood disorder, but is "a specifier of major depression".[2]

The US National Library of Medicine notes that "some people experience a serious mood change when the seasons change. They may sleep too much, have little energy, and crave sweets and starchy foods. They may also feel depressed. Though symptoms can be severe, they usually clear up."[3] The condition in the summer is often referred to as Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, and can also include heightened anxiety.[4]

There are many different treatments for classic (winter-based) seasonal affective disorder, including light therapy with bright lights, anti-depression medication, cognitive-behavioral therapy, ionized-air administration,[5] and carefully timed supplementation of the hormone melatonin.[6]

Symptoms of SAD may consist of: difficulty waking up in the morning, tendency to oversleep as well as to overeat, and especially a craving for carbohydrates, which leads to weight gain. Other symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on completing tasks, and withdrawal from friends, family, and social activities. All of this leads to the depression, pessimism, and lack of pleasure which characterize a person suffering from this disorder.


Just like that fog rolling in in the novels we read, I have felt this ickiness creeping into my head over the past few days.

I am tired, cranky and sad most of the time. I have no desire to get anything done. I have a sudden urge to eat and eat and eat, all while telling myself how I should stop and it won't make me feel any better.

I am irritated with my husband (why is it that HE gets to sleep in while I have to take care of the boys after getting only 4 hours sleep due to Little j screaming from midnight till 1:30?). I am irritated with work (more so than usual, can that even be?). My zest for waking up in the morning to go to Spin has completely disappeared and my snooze button has become my best friend.

I am sad. I am bummed. I am lonely.

I drive on, as I always do .... but seriously, this stuff ... this SAD ... it exists. It isn't bullshit. It isn't an excuse to complain or sleep. It feels awful. It sucks. It feels like I am completely out of control of my own emotions.

Hopefully, things will get brighter here and there, and Winter will come and go .... and soon I will be back to flip flops, baseball and mowing the lawn.