A follow up

50,000 things have been swirling through my head since my run in with Stephen. I have heard various reactions from people about what I should have done, felt, said, etc. I have had the "I should have's" ever since as well.
I have been asked, "was he really that bad?" Um, yes. He was. No, he never hit me, he never laid a hand on me. So, in that sense, he wasn't horrible. But, the fear and guilt that he impressed into my brain and heart hurt worse than a lot of bruises. And the healing from this hurt took years ... sometimes I would have rather been hit, at least those bruises go away.
I have been asked, "why didn't you stop and say something to him. It would give you closure?!" My answer? I have no idea. I was so dumbstruck by the fact that I was standing in front of him that my body went into panic mode. Part of me wishes I would have stopped and said something, figured out if he ruined someone else, or not. I would have liked to find out if Karma has kicked him in the ass. But, then, I think that I am glad that I didn't stop to say anything to him ... with all the thoughts that are running through my brain right now, can you even begin to imagine what I would be thinking about if I had had a conversation with him? Also, Stephen was such a whack job that I seriously think he can convince himself that his past did not happen. I really do think I could have stopped to talk with him and he would either not know who I was or act as if I was just some acquaintance he made in the past. I think that would have stung just as much as his abuse did.
I have also been asked, "did I ever call the girl." I tried. I called a couple times and I always got the answering machine or it would ring and ring. I didn't want to leave a message because 1. I didn't want Stephen to know I was calling and 2. I didn't want her to get in trouble. I wonder about her every once in a while and wish that I could find out what happened and how he was. I wonder what web of lies (or sins of omission) Stephen created to get her to listen and obey. I hope she turned out OK.
I guess, as much as I think that Stephen is a jag bag who deserves to get the crap kicked out of him, I also hope that he has changed. That maybe church has rubbed off on him or something. My guess though? Probably not.
I also know that I feel creepy now. I know that the next few times I go Downtown for work I am going to be on edge, constantly looking over my shoulder. I often look on Google to see if I can find him ... not to talk with him, but just out of shear hope that he gets what is coming to him. I also think that if I ever had the opportunity again, this time I would keep trying to talk with "the girl." I feel like I owe that to anyone who is walking into something blind. We all deserve to know who we are falling for ... and if they cannot be honest about their past, someone should step up and do so. I also wonder, sometimes, who the ex-wife was. I wonder how I could ever find her. I wonder if she has erased Stephen from her memory or if she is haunted by his grip as well....
As my Mom always says, "sometimes life doesn't give us our rewards or punishments, but we always get them when we die." It may not be quick enough for me, but I do know that when God has His opportunity to meet Stephen, it won't go without some time to reflect on the crap that he put people through ... in the name of God.