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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

What I am

"I'm not aware of too many things
I know what I know if you know what I mean
What I am is what I am
Are you are is what you are or what?
What I am is what I am"

Wow ... its been a while ... and here we are, mid-July, and life continues to drive forward at the speed of light.

I have been many things in the past few weeks ... and here is my recap:

I am happy:

Happy that I have two healthy children who, despite making me want to pull my hair out one strand by one strand, give me joy from the inside out.
Happy that I am still employed.
Happy that the Hawks won the Stanley Cup! It was so cool to experience the hype and fun! And fun to watch Big J and little j enjoy it with me!
Happy that my baby sister is pregnant (no one knows yet .... so SSSSHHHHH!!!!!)!
Happy that my relationship with E is better than it has been in a while (while his hunger for sex ... sorry ... this is my blog .... drives me nuts!). Who would have thunk?

I am anxious:
Anxious about Big J starting kindergarten next month. Our whole world changes. You wouldn't think it does, but .... No more vacation whenever it works for me .... we are now on "school time." No more keeping the boys home when I have a short day, no more long weekends at Grandma's ...... Vacations, visits, trips will now be with the rest of the world: Spring Break, Summer, and Christmas! And ... my little dude ... he is going to school! My little buddy who was my partner in crime while E was away will be gone at school! My baby is all grown up ... and I totally don't feel old enough to have a kid in school.
Anxious that my results at work could stop any time due to this boob in Office that ruins the economy every day that he wakes up. I cannot go back to that again ... really, I cannot.
Anxious about E's Army fate. We are waiting on a medical board to determine how he will be retired. My "stay at home mom" future all rides on what this Board decides.

I am sad:
Sad because a man, who was like an Uncle to my sisters and I, died this past Saturday. He was a funny man, who was a great friend to my family and will be missed terribly.

I am excited:
Excited that I have lost about 25 pounds and I am nearing my goal. I want to lose about 1o more!
Excited that my middle sister is coming to visit in one month!
Excited that I get to go to Tampa in a few weeks for a quick visit and to drop Big J off for his vacation with Grandma and Grandpa.

I am disappointed:
Disappointed that I have yet to get my personal business any where near getting off the ground. My own fault, completely.
Dispappointed that the Cubs suck this year.
Disappointed that we still cannot seem to get our financial situation where we want/need it.

I am determined:
Determined to start writing in this blog again. Really.
Determined to get a bit more involved for myself ... find a team, group ... something.
Determined to let my family know how much they mean to me every day.

"I yam what I yam
And that's all what I yam.
I'm Popeye the sailor man"




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