And so ... I cried

We had a day off yesterday. Big J, little j and I.

I rarely get the government holidays off, so it was nice to look forward to that, especially as Sunday night came to a close (Especially a Sunday that was spent in the bathroom, puking my guts out from drinking the previous night ... I shall digress).

We took our time getting dressed in the morning ... wandered around in our PJ's for a bit. I put dinner in the crock pot - pot roast (it turned out fabulously!) so I wouldn't have much more to do throughout the day.

We went to Wildberry for breakfast. I had a Spanish omelette, Big J and S'mores pancakes and little j had Fruity Pebbles pancakes (not the healthiest - but they actually ate!). It was an enjoyable meal and I didn't have to yell at them too much!

After breakfast, we drove over to see Daddy at his office, since, with Big J's school schedule, we really don't get to do that too often. The kids were excited; I think E was too.

We headed to Target and each of the boys carried a $5 bill that my Grandma had sent them for Christmas. We bought the game Operation. They were psyched.

We got home, ate some fruit (who were these kids??) and laughed our asses off while playing the game.

little j took a nap. I shoveled the snow and did my Boot camp DVD.

When little j woke up, the three of us went sledding before the snow turned to sleet/rain.

We, again, laughed our asses off! little j ended up in the weeds a few times and even he, the kid that cries at everything, laughed!

We went home, had some hot chocolate, the boys played Lego's and blocks and I finished off the pot roast.

Before dinner they set the table, picked up some toys and waited for Dad to come home. We ate dinner together. BOTH boys ate everything.

After dinner, Big J requested to wash the dishes, and he actually did a good job. little j wanted to help too, so he wiped the table and floor from dinner.

I think I was walking around in la-la land.

After the boys were tucked in, and I watched my DVR'ed Bachelor and Being Erica, I went to check on them before I called it a day.

I held each of them for a bit, remembering what they were like when they were small .... really small. And, with each boy, I cried.

We had a good day. For the first time, in a very long time, I wasn't frazzled with them, overwhelmed with them, tired of them. I had a good day with them and that made me happy.

And so ....

I cried.

26 hours squeezed into 24 hour days

The whirlwind tour of school started last week

Wednesday was Big J's walk-through. We met his teacher, saw where he would put his backpack, looked around his room.

He enjoyed being there, he even asked if we could stay for a bit so he could play with some toys. We had paperwork to fill out anyway ... so we stayed. It was kind of cool when I overheard him saying to another little boy, "Hi, my name is "Big J', what's your name?" I was pleased that some of our teachings about manners and etiquette had paid off!

That evening we made Big J's favorite dinner: shrimp, and enjoyed some family time. We prepared his backpack, got his clothes laid out and by 8:00 he was in bed and snoring! ;)

I set my alarm on Thursday morning, even though I had taken the day off of work, to make sure I was up and ready to go for Big J. He beat me to the punch. Right after my alarm had gone off, there he was, dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go! I wondered if this would continue after the first day?!

I made him some pancakes, let him watch a Scooby-Doo and then little j, E, Big J and I all headed across the street to wait for the bus. Big J did great. little j, not so much.... he so badly wanted to go with his brother on the bus. I had to walk away and sit on the front step and watch Big J leave from afar since his brother was acting so badly. Once he stepped on to the bus ... that is when my tears started. I really didn't think I would cry ... I didn't feel it ... but, apparently, I needed to!

I spent the next few hours getting laundry done, getting the oil on my car changed (way, way, way overdue) and working out with little j counting everything down for me. Around 11:00 I started to clean up and prepare for the bus to drop Big J off at 11:51.

As we were walking out to wait for the bus, we noticed that there was a message on the machine. Apparently the note I wrote was misplaced and the school decided to send him to day care rather than home. Crap!!!!! Just what I needed on the very first day. So I left E at home, just in case they sent him home, and I high-tailed my ass over to day care, where a blotchy faced kid just got dropped off :( He was so excited to see me!!!!

The four of us went to Rainforest Cafe to celebrate the first day. He told us about recess and his school day and then we just had fun. We came home and he and I spent time painting a bird feeder he had gotten for his birthday and then we worked on Lego's .... I actually loved being a stay-at-home mommy; it felt incredible.

Friday was a different story altogether. I had to get to work early (so I could be back for the bus to drop off), so E took Big J to the bus. Big J cried hysterically, the same way he has been at day care for the last month or so. Great. Just what we need. E said he just kind of placed him on the bus and left ... what else could he do?

So, I waited for Big J after school and when the bus dropped him off ... little j did his happy dance and we all went inside to eat lunch. While we were waiting for the bus, day care called and wanted to make sure Big J was in the right place.

I called back. I got more info than I needed or wanted.

Apparently Big J and his friend, Alex (one of the boys that came to his birthday party that I could have done without) were arguing/playing/fighting on the bus and Big J somehow managed to give Alex a bloody nose. Great ... just what I need now! The last thing we need to deal with is getting our bus rights revoked; then I am in a real world of crap trying to figure out the logistics of that mess!!!!

I gave Big J an ear full. It turns out, they were playing, and nothing was meant badly. But my issue is the fact that for over a year now, I have been trying to tell Big J that we do not put our hands on our friends while we are playing. His buddy AJ is big into the wrestling thing and we have gone through hundreds of requests from day care to separate the two of them because they cannot tone it down. (Another side note - AJ's mom? Worthless. Could care less. Thanks for the help lady.) Here we go again.

So ... all weekend we talked about how to play, how not to play. We hoped and prayed Monday would go better.

Waiting for the bus? Another tearful and hysteria filled wait. It really gets my day started on a great foot, let me tell you!!!!! Once again, I helped Big J on the bus, dropped little j off at day care and then headed off to work. I promised the boys that if I got done in time, I would pick them up early and we could head to the pool (its the last week it is open).

Well, I got there on time, but Big J told me to come back and pick him up later since he was headed outside to play with his friends?!?!?!? On that note, when we got home, I told him that I wouldn't listen to the tears before school anymore... since he is obviously fine and hanging out with his mom isn't really that big of a deal.

Turns out, he didn't cry this morning.

Go figure. Let's see what happens tomorrow when I drop him off!!!!

Oh yea, remember how he got himself dressed on his own that first day? Hasn't happened since! And the bus ride after school on Monday? Joshua told Alex he had to sit next to someone else for a few days. :) At least we are 1 for 2!!!!

So ... we made it through the first week of school. It was crazy and hectic ... and I want my old routine back. I am not one of those moms who sings the praises of the start of the school year since, quite frankly, this has added a whole new can of crap to my day. To my stay at home moms, kids going to school means more time for them. For me, it just means more chaos.

You know my plate? The one that has been full for a while now? Well, that plate is starting to spill onto the carpet.

But, just like everything else, I will survive somehow!!!!

REALLY ready for happy hour ....

It has been a wild and exhausting last few weeks.

I made it through my Annual Sales meeting in Las Vegas last week. Even though it was only Monday through Thursday, I felt as though I was out there for weeks! It was good to get home and see the boys ... and get away from work people; I had had enough.

I tried to get tickets to go see my parents in late March .. .and then I forgot that I am in the land of the working, not the land of the spring-breakers. There wasn't a ticket top be found :( So ... we will be going mid-April. Not what I wanted, but we are going.

What makes these past few weeks so difficult is little j. After he started crawling out of his crib my nights suck ass. I might as well have an infant at home. I feel like calling one of the four friends/family that had babies last week and tell them that they can drop the kiddos off over here for a night - I am up anyway.

I play this game every stinkin single night. He crawls out of bed, stands at the gate and moans and then starts calling for Mommy. It works one of two ways:

1. I go in, pick him up, put him back in bed and then 15 minutes later we repeat. This goes on for about an hour to two hours.

2. I stand at the gate in the beginning tell him that it is bed time and I won't be coming back, he then proceeds to cry, moan, yell and scream at the gate for about an hour to two hours, when he them finally is exhausted and gives up.

Last night I ignored him. He cried. He screamed. He yelled for Mommy, Dada, Big J ... anyone who might come. After one hour I heard Big J crying in his room and I had had enough. I went to see Big J who was crying because he had to pee but didn't want to walk past little j and get him excited (good thinking from a 4 1/2 year old at 3:00 am!). I proceeded to help him to the bathroom, explain that he should never not pee, and get him tucked back in.

Then I had to settle little j down and get him in bed. He pointed to the door and told me to go. I got back into bed and 15 minutes later ... "Mommy!" I don't remember if he stopped or if I was too tired to care, but next thing I know my alarm was going off this morning for work.

Seriously all, I am exhausted. I am frustrated. I want to tell him, politely, "shut the hell up!" But, I am Mommy ... and at this point, I am ready for happy hour.

2009 recap ... 2010 preview

Seriously, where does the time fly to? Is there a place in the great big blue sky of ours that sucks up your vacations and weekends and spits our weekdays back out at us? Last time I blinked it was Thanksgiving. Now, it is January 5 and I have no clue how I ended up here and where the month of December has gone!

Christmas was a beautiful holiday - it always is, no matter where we are or who we are with.

The few days prior to Christmas I spent time getting things done. I worked that Monday - E had to go to attend a funeral of his Uncle - so I had the boys in school. I kept them in school that Tuesday as well, and I took a day for myself. I spent most of the morning at physical therapy (will explain that in a later post), ran to Target, DSW (got a cute pair of black boots), and met a girlfriend for lunch, that included a nice glass of wine. I was planning on getting all of my wrapping finished that afternoon, but the snow needed to be shoveled and E was still gone.

Damn snow.

The boys and I spent our first day of vacation at home. We chilled on the couch,baked and decorated Christmas cookies, wrapped Christmas presents and then spent the evening (and into the night) at my Uncle's house (lots of wine ... and some Prohibition era Whiskey was ingested by yours truly!). I am always so glad to have he and his wife so close to me ... it gives me a flavor of being with my Dad, without being with my Dad.

Christmas Eve was a short day - we went to 3:00 Children's Mass. It was nice - not powerful Midnight Mass nice .... but when they had Santa come down the aisle and silently lay presents in front of the manger I shed a few tears!

That night, E, the boys and I enjoyed a quiet evening at home. We watched some Christmas movies, I made some roasted turkey and potato soup, a few martinis for myself ... it was enjoyable. I did miss my family ... but I always do, so I didn't let it stop my nice time. I stayed up late, drank some more adult beverages and wrapped all of Santa's toys.

Our tree looked like it exploded at that point.

Christmas morning was awesome. Actually, that was the word of the day, "awesome." Everything that Big J opened was "awesome" and "just what I asked Santa for!" ... it was too cool. Little j just wanted to play with stuff ... thankfully, since Big J had just a few more gifts to open than he did!

After all was said and done our living room looked like a Toys R Us and puked all over the floor! No one was let down this Christmas.

Oh yea - I got my Wii fit! I haven't had a chance to use it yet ... but it is on my radar!

E's parents and sister came up for dinner that afternoon. We exchanged more presents and enjoyed the evening.

That Saturday I took Big J to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert. Hands down - best concert I have ever attended. He loved it (slept through about an hour of it - but loved it just the same). Before the concert we went out to lunch at Harry Carrey's ... he got a cheeseburger bigger than his head ... it was sweet to be out with my big dude, just he and I.

We got to talk to Grandma and Grandpa and Aunties from Florida that night via webcam for Christmas. Big J showed off all of his new toys and little j kept looking behind the laptop to see how everyone got there! It was priceless!

The next day was "let's get organized day." All new toys were added to toy bins or new bins were created. Some old toys were added to the donation pile as well. I couldn't take the chaos any longer ... I needed to see my floor once again!

The next few days were spent hanging out, going to kids' play places, breakfasts, lunches, dinners .... while it is stressful to be a stay-at-home-Mommy ... I loved it. I loved devoting my time and energy to my little guys.

I did have the opportunity to escape one evening to meet up with a "friend" from high school. I use the term "friend" loosely to describe N. I don't really think I ever even spoke to her in high school. As a matter of fact, I would be hard pressed to figure out if we even shared a class! Well, through this Facebook thing, we have been chatting back and forth and decided that it was time to chat over adult libations.

She was visiting her folks and we met one evening for a couple beers. It was a BLAST. I wish she lived closer to me so we could do this as a regular thing ... but I have a feeling we will be meeting up quite a bit in the future, even in spite of our distance.

It often makes me wonder. Why wasn't I friends with her in high school? Did we have this much in common and not realize it? Or, did we grow and mature and become who we are now over time? It certainly makes for good conversation.

Anyway .... New Years crept up on us. We took the boys over to friends' house. They played in their basement with their kids while the "big people" sat upstairs and chatted and drank. We celebrated a "midnight" around 10:00 for the kids and then headed home. Big J stayed up with E and I until the "ball dropped" ... I crashed after ... he and Daddy stayed up until 1:00?!?!?!??!

How does a 4 year old do that??

The rest of our vacation was nice. I spent a lot of quality time with Big J and little j and going back to work sucked. But, I did it and I am looking forward to my next time off with the boys.

So ... as I reflect on the past year ... there were highlights and low lights:

• E finally made it home last March.
• Little j is walking, talking and terrorizing his Mommy ;)
• Big J has become a little boy, full of attitude and passion.
• I lost 30 pounds (woohoo!); only 30 more to go!
• I read books throughout the year - like I wanted to.
• I named my business, started my website and got a plan in place.
• I created deeper bonds with some, broke some with others and continue to learn about myself through them all.

Things I want to accomplish this year (call them resolutions if you will):

• Lose 30 more pounds.
• Get my pictures either in scrapbooks or in plain old photo albums ... just as long as they are displayed somehow.
• Clean up my potty mouth. I talk like a trucker. Not good.
• Deepen friendships; make more time for them.
• Deepen the relationship with my husband. Sometimes I feel more like his roommate than his wife - I want more than that.
• Enjoy the time with my children more ... work is not that important. They are.
• Pray a rosary at least once a week.
• Strengthen the relationship with my parents ... seems that they are a bit guarded lately and I don't like it.
• Visit my grandmothers more often ... who knows how much longer they will be around.
• Curb the complaints ... life aint that bad.
• Get my company up and running ... get a few steady clients.

There you have it .... let's see if I can stick to it!

Weekend recap

Another weekend flew by and to be quite honest, I hardly remember it; we try to squeeze so much into a 2-day period that it just goes by quicker than a person can blink!

Friday night was carry out night. It was cool and rainy and quite frankly, depressing out. We ordered some Go Roma and Big J, E and I sat down to watch Sand Lot (Big J has been bored by "kiddie" movies, so PG movies here we come .... God help me). He loved it.

Saturday morning was "Mommy and boys" morning. We got ready and went to Starbucks over by the train station. Big J tried the sample pumpkin latte and flipped out because it was so good ... I am doomed. We watched the trains and ate our muffins and then walked over to the Farmer's Market. Big J picked out some veggies for the soup I would be making and one of each type of apple that he saw. :) We headed over to the Party Store to start looking for costume ideas: Big J is going to be a cowboy. Little j? Well, he detests hats and hoods so we are trying to come up with an idea that can do without those. Then it was off to Home Depot to pick up some mums to replace the sad looking impatiens on the front porch.

Saturday afternoon I went to a friend's house for a Tastefully Simple party. I ordered just a few things and it was nice to be on my own for a couple hours (until I came home and saw the house in MASSIVE upheaval ... is it that hard to clean up after 2 children for two freaking hours? I do it, why can Dad not do it?!?!?!??). We went to Durty Nellie's (one of my faves) for dinner and the start of the ND game (since my Alma mater cannot seem to win a stinkin football game to save their lives, I will hope that ND can pull out a few wins this season). A bowl of chili and beer started the evening off pretty nicely. Another trip to Home Depot on the way home (only to see Big J run around in the garden center and trip on the gravel and bust up his elbow ... poor little dude!) and then home to the couch to see the end of ND beating Purdue!

Sunday we went to Mass and then to Einsteins to grab some pumpkin bagels and Autumn roast coffee and then we went to my Uncle's house to watch the Bears game and eat some food. The boys behaved pretty well, Big J always enjoys hanging out with his great uncle ... it is his surrogate Grandpa S when we cannot be in Florida!!!!!!

Where did the weekend go????????

So, it is back to the usual crap I deal with Monday through Friday. Listening to bosses whine too much, clients bitch too much and wishing I was inherently wealthy. I am hoping that my week can go by pretty quickly (although, with 2 days - in a row - in this office, it could make for a slow go. At least I am finally getting my hair cut and colored on Thursday. I am embarrassed to go out looking like this any longer!!!!

My goal of the week? Pick out a web hosting company and start building the website. That isn't too lofty of an idea is it?

(Oh yea .... About the Sand Lot movie. So, we reminded Big J about the language used by some of the kids that he watched. He said that he understood. So, on Saturday he was on the phone telling my Dad about the movie and this is what I hear: "so, Grandpa, then the little boy takes the ball and runs away from the dog and yells 'oh SHIT!'" Both my Dad and I stopped, tried to quell our laughter and tell Big J that he shouldn't repeat those words. For the next hour he kept saying, 'Please don't tell Dad that I said a bad word ... I didn't mean too!'")

Some updated pics of the boys

Birthdays, Trips and more

Where oh where have I been these past two weeks!!!

Life has been spinning ... sometimes spinning out of control, and I would love to know where my plans always end up ... cuz they are NOT coming even close to completion!

So, let's see .... what have we done, seen, heard and thought of in these past two weeks???

I took some time off (yahoo Mountain Dew!) to celebrate Big J's birthday ... the BIG 4 (talk about where has the time gone??????) It was the Friday before his birthday ... I took him in for his 4 year pictures (I suddenly realized why I never have pictures on here any more ... I am never on my home computer ... where I keep them all ... I will have to create a new post just to do this one thing!). He is such a cool dude now ... I want to just hug him and save him him for future days ... knowing that he won't always be just this cool!!!!

After his pics, we picked up his younger brother and the 3 of us went to CPK for lunch. We had a blast coloring and goofing around. It was bittersweet ... to see how much fun they are ... but to know that it will never be like this again ... 4 and 17 months.

That Saturday was his actual birthday. We took him out for pancakes (they came free for his bday ... we actually had so many free kids' meals I couldn't use them all up!). After pancakes we went to the Framer's Market where he picked out some blueberries, apples and cookies ... it was too fun! That afternoon, Big J went with E to the Bears' game, while little j and I started getting the house ready for the birthday party, and for my parents' visit. So much to do ... and no where NEAR enough time to get it done.

Sunday was the day of the party .... Big J was so hyped. We picked up hi pirate cake (once again ... pics to be posted) and balloons .. and people started showing up at noon. It was a great party.

My parents were getting along with E's parents (it is so nice to see this ... after all of the crap we have all trudged thru for so long. Friends have become like family now. The only issue I had was with Big J's friend's mom. Dude ... watch your effing kid! I swear ... for about a month now, Big J has been coming home from school with talks from his teachers about he and "aggressive one" wrestling, etc. I have been trying to teach him about no hands, etc ... now I know WHO the culprit is.

I stood there and watched Aggressive One slug Big J for no reason. His Mom? GIGGLED. She effing giggled. Freaking blond bitch. About an hour later, Aggressive One took a car and shoved into Big J's face ... once again, she smiled and then, upon seeing my irritation, she said, "Aggressive One ... stop." ... now, if it were my child ... um ... let us not even BEGIN to go there!!!!!!

Anyway, once Aggressive One and his family left (and oh yea ... one more beef .... they have 3 kids, ages 6, 4 and 1 .... Aggressive One is in class with Big J .... what did they give Big J for his presents? A Dora board game and a little baby Tonka truck ... can we say, thanks for the re-gifts???? Big J looked at the game and said, "Mom, Dora is for girls."), the party was great and everyone really had fun.

My parents stayed thru that Tuesday and we all really enjoyed oursleves. They got along really well with E (and vice versa) and I enjoyed their company and the fact that I was not at work!!!!!

On Tuesday Big J left with my parents for his vacation in Florida - he was SO excited!!!

Life has been quiet aroudn teh house without my little dude ... but he is loving every second of his trip. and little j? He is having the time of his little life too. I think he loves having the center of attention for once! He even said a few words ... "melmo" (Elmo) and "oooooonnnn" (moon) ... now if we could just get "MOMMY!!!!!!!"

On Thursday I head down to Tampa to see Big J and I stay thru Tuesday ... can we say PSYCHED???

Why am I psyched?

• I see my sister who can, hopefully, help me nail down my logo for my business so when I get back and I can start to really get moving


• I get to see my "bug" ... I really do miss him


• I get to get pampered by Mom and Dad for a while .......... aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh


• The weather here sucks ass ... serioulsly, Summer is GONE.


• FOUR more days off of work ... I still hate this place

Pics to come soon .... really!!!!!

I need a PERMENANT VACATION!

Another glorious 4 1/2 day weekend has come and gone way too quickly.

Thursday was another early start for me. I was up and out of the house by 5:15. But ... DONE with my appointments at 10:00!

So, I spent most of Thursday mowing the lawn, weeding, etc. I also got the house prepared (somewhat ... with all of our demolition and construction mess, it wasn't so easy!) for my parents arrival on Friday.

I met a girlfriend for coffee after Spin and grocery on Friday morning, and I realized just how much I loved creating my own schedule. This was how it used to be before I was thrust into this 24-7 work role. I talked about my future endeavors with her and it felt good to be talking about something for myself.

I went home, cleaned the rest of the house, got the boys ready and headed out o the airport to pick up my Mom and Dad. Big J was so excited he could hardly sit still. They arrived, we headed to Corner Bakery for a snack and then home to hang out. The boys were ecstatic.

Unfortunately, E had to work at a nearby Summer festival that evening, so it was just my parents and I with the boys (maybe that was a fortunate turn???!). We decided to fore-go dinner out, we ordered a pizza, opened a bottle of wine and enjoyed out evening. I miss them being around!

We had the wedding on Saturday ... my MIL came to watch the boys for us. We had a good time - realized that some of my extended family really and truly are TPT ... but, then again, I think we have known this all the time! E and my parents actually got along quite well this trip ... that was LOVELY! I crashed in my parents' room since I drank a few throughout the day.

On Sunday we took the boys to the Festival that E was working at ... I let Big J ride a few rides and hang out with E and then we headed to the house. When E got home we all cleaned up and headed out for a nice Italian dinner.

The boys behaved BEAUTIFULLY ... I think I stole someone else's children for the evening! It was such a nice night out for all of us ... it was a shame to know that my parents were leaving so quickly in the morning. :(

Big J had a horrible time dropping off Grandma and Grandpa at the airport. I do believe his words were, "I want my Grandma and Grandpa back!" He sobbed with his head in his hands ... heavy, adult-like sobs. It truly broke my heart.

I had decided that since these good-byes were getting harder each time, to take the day off. When we got home I put little j to bed, filled up the pool and Big J and I had a pool-side day. I grabbed a beer, some Doritoes and watermelon and we ate junk food and swam and burned our shoulders to a crisp. It was simply AWESOME.

At the end of the day I thought about it all and realized that is what I want. I want to be there with my kids ... more than just a vacation day every few months. That is why I want to create the new business. That is why, even if I get fired, I will not miss my hellish job. My kids. They drive me nuts and I want to strangle them some times.... but mostly. I love being around them and just being Mommy.

I so hope something starts to culminate soon. I need to get hot. As I sit here in this hell-hole of an office, taking phone calls that no one else can take and watch my children on the day-care-cam, I realize that I have grown to truly and 100% hate this place. I can honestly say that I have no friends here anymore. The ones that I did have? Well, after seeing that they have stolen business from me and talked shit? I have no friends. I work for myself and that is IT. Its funny how something so great can become so bad in such a short period of time.

I know that the right thing will happen at the right time. I just hope it is soon. I am ready for a permanent vacation from this place ... and I want it to be on MY terms ... not theirs.

Finally!

Little j will be 15 months old on the 14th of this month. He is a goofy little kid - he gets it. really, he does. He is smarter than he puts on. The only thing I have been waiting for is a word or two from him. A "mama" or "no" or more or SOMETHING.

We took a walk after dinner yesterday (even though it was COLD .... I truly don't think Summer will ever get to this God-forsaken area ... but that is another post for another day).

The boys were in the wagon. They both stayed home from school yesterday, little j had a fever on Tuesday and they wanted him out for 24 hours. Why is that? The kid never had another fever after that, it was only 101 (our doctor doesn't even consider it a fever till it hits 103) ... if I kept him home for every fever or booger falling out of his nose ... well, we would never go!

The boys were goofing around and enjoying themselves. We stopped off in our old neighborhood to say hello to a friend. Big J ran up ahead and little j wanted to follow. He looked up at me so I could carry him over. I said, "no, call J and he will stop."

So, loud and clear out came J's name from little j's mouth. It was the last 2 syllables; he said it twice. I about peed my pants.

So ... no "mama" or "cookie" .... but we have Big J and the most important thing in little j's life ..... I couldn't be prouder.

Time flies by

So I looked at Big J today and realized: he is a boy. I <know he is a boy .... what I mean is, he is no longer a baby.

We got his haircut on Saturday and when he puts on his little shorts and t-shirt for the new day, he is this little dude wondering around our house. It is bittersweet.

My little Bug as become this person that thinks on his own (ooh - he certainly has a stubborn streak ... I am not quite sure where he got that from *wink, wink*) and comes up with some great one-liners.

Yesterday he told me, "Mommy, I guess I kind of like girls a little bit. But I always like you a lot. I just still don't like pink."

Goofball.

Now if we could just get Little j - my screamer - to talk!

Are we "back to normal" yet?

So, I haven't really "blogged" on a while ... life, as I know it, as been in complete chaos.

E returned on March 18. My parents got here on March 19. Little j's party was on March 21. The squabbling between my husband and my Mom ensued on March 22. My parents left on March 23. I went back to work on March 24 and I haven't blinked since.

The boys are nuts since E came home. Sleeping schedules are off. Manners are gone. Quiet nights and routines? Out the window.

And E? Shoot ... he still lives in his own world, with a bit of us thrown in. Its like living with a 3rd child, seriously, it is!

Everything that we put off for the 14 months that he was gone, suddenly has to be done. NOW. Handy men, HVAC men, furniture stores. I haven't been able to catch a breath, but our calendar is booked and the checkbook is getting thin.

I thought I would be calmer once he returned. I thought I might be able to "get stuff done" when he returned. Life is still the same for me ... with more added on the plate.

WTF?

Snow Day ...

So, this storm that we were supposed to get fizzled ... I am glad, but jeesh, can you get it right? I freakin prepare for 8 inches of crap and all we get is a few inches and it has already blown off the driveway? Some storm ... way to cry wolf!
But, in the end, I am glad we cancelled our plans for today. Last night after dinner, that Big J HAD to eat, the stomach flu reared its ugly head.
I was up ALL night, literally, all night, with him while he puked and puked, and talked in his sleep and had a fever of at least 104.
He was finally able to hold down some liquids this morning, just finished some chicken soup and I gave him some ibuprofin. Now? He has not shut up .... "play with me Mommy," "I am a pirate Mommy," "I feel so much better Mommy."
Yeah ... but Mommy hasn't slept since Thursday night!!!!!!!
Oh well, hopefully he IS feeling better ..... and little j doesn't catch anything.
So, we sit here, watching Pirate's of the Carribean III (am I a bad Mom for letting a 3 year old watch it?), and wishing BOTH boys would take naps at the SAME time ....
Ahhhh ... to be back in Florida again. Last week at this time I was sitting on the patio with a drink, getting a tan .............

Tenderness

So ... in the midst of the chaos, called "my life," there are a few moments here and there that I really do treasure.

I took my parents to the airport yesterday and on teh way home Joshua was supposed to stay awake (so I could actually get a nap for them and work done for me when we returned home). He did a good job ... and kept telling me so!!!!

he took a nap shortly after 2. He woke up around 4 and I knew we only had about 45 minutes of light left (damn time change) and it was still around 70 degrees. He was thrilled.

I put little j in his push car and Big J played soccer and hide and go seek. Right before we were going in we decided to take a walk around our street.

Big J went to grab my hand and then stopped and said, "stop Mommy stop!!!!" I stopped. He didn't take my hand, he positioned little j's hand and held onto it through the entire walk.

When we were done he bent down, hugged little j and said, "I love that you are my brother." ......

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm......................

Sick and Tired ....

So maybe I need a Friday FIFTEEN for today .... I am fed up and irritated ... PMS is raging, I am going on a total of 6 hours sleep in three days, I hate my job, I must VENT now!
OK - so ....

I am sick and tired of: my son not sleeping. He is 6 months old. By now he should be sleeping "like a baby," peacefully through the night. This stupid game he plays that he suddenly forgets how to roll himself over is NOT cute anymore. I literally had to walk away from him last night ... I was getting so angry. SO EFFING ANNOYING!

I am sick and tired of: my job. If I have to go hang out at one more effing police station at 6:00 freaking AM, I am going to go nuts. No one is doing ANYTHING with their accounts - other than bitching, it is a waste of time and I am tired. Whatever. Could I NOT find something good?

I am sick and tired: of people stuffing Obama down my throat. No. I do not want to vote for him. No. I do not trust him. Yes. I am younger, my husband has been deployed ... these do NOT make me sway my beliefs like most people. Just because most people my age have thrown their upbringings out the window long ago, I have continued mine. I go to Mass every Sunday. I am Pro-Life. I do not agree with the welfare system as we have it. I feel that people should WORK for what they get, not be handed it. I believe in morals. I believe that we need to fight terrorism. I think Obama is shady and, quite frankly, a wolf in sheep's clothing. Quit trying to make me feel bad for not wanting him in office. And, oh yea, I kind of like Palin ... a mother with 5 kids, a working woman, a church going woman .. and pretty to boot. And she is BAD for women??? Whatever people ... quit being hypocrites.

I am sick and tired of: hearing about going green. Eff that. Green? WTF???? Pardon my French (2 hours of sleep does not keep my mouth clean). If someone would like to give me a raise so that I could afford hybrid cars, recycled paper towels and new light bulbs, I could help you. Until then, leave me alone. I use disposable diapers, I throw them away in plastic grocery bags and I clean my floor with Pine Sol. Get over it. Al Gore is a dumb ass.

I am sick and tired of: my husband not understanding anything I say. I repeat myself at LEAST three times with EVERYTHING. LISTEN and I will NOT have to tell you again ... and MAYBE you would understand the FIRST effing time!!!!

I am sick and tired of: being bitchy .... I NEED to get some sleep so I can become a more calm and peaceful person .... oh jeez ... this is JUST not me.

Picking up Big J

Back at work from a few days off and I feel like I have been gone for a month (I could actually USE a good month off!).

The trip to Tampa was good - woke up at the crack of dawn (although little j started his "I cannot rollover come and get me" game around 4:30 - so I was up).

When we landed in Tampa Big J was at the end of the terminal and came running through people, doging legs and bags, to give me a hug. THAT was awesome. In the car, he kept saying, "I am SO glad to see you guys." :)

It was amazing what changes a brand new three year old can make in 2 short weeks. He kept telling me that he was a gentleman and that he does chores, etc. He showed me everything he had been doing at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Every time he even LOOKED little j's way, little j would get all excited and giggle like mad.

I took Big J in the pool and finally showed him how to jump in ... in 2 short days he was jumping in all by himself and swimming aruind with his floaties on his arms. THAT was cool (pics posted later!).

It, once again, was nice to be with my family, away from it all. Ate too much, drank too much ... watched sports too much. What is new?!?!?!? :)

The trip back home was uneventful - many people wonder how I do it - 2 boys , me and luggage .... but, with practice, it isn't too hard. Big J did great .... watched his movie and ate his turkey sandwich. On the way home he said, "I am SO GLAD you brought me home Mommy, but I miss Grandma and Grandpa."

Oh, out of the mouths of babes ......

Cheking in and things

Wow - I didn't realize that it had been so long since I last posted anything! My life just keeps going faster and faster, but I really cannot tell how mnay MPH I truly go until I see the days on the calendar that have gone by!
My sister was in town two weekends ago ... we had a blast. Spent a lot of time at the pool, ate some good meals, went to a Cubs game, the Poison concert ... it flew by (what's new?)! I will post some pics soon!
I am preparing for Big J's big 3rd birthday celebration in two weeks ... I CANNOT believe I have a 3 year old. I still look at hime and see my baby boy who would cry when I put him in the car seat or would giggle when i played peek-a-boo. Now we are dealing with tantrums and the "ICanDoIts" .... :)
Little j is so close to sleeping through the night, I can feel it! Now if I could just remind him that he KNOWS how to roll over I could avoid running in there when he gets pissed that e is stuck on his stomach!!!!
E is STILL gone. Who knows what the hell is happening with that. I am to the point that I will wait until I see airline info for a flight home until I get excited. I hear rumors of late fall, early winter, early Spring .... I just sit back and keep plugging away.
Work explodes at the end of this month. Boss man STILL has no sympathy or concern for ANYTHING about me. My territory is set up for my failure (I sometimes think this is actually is doing) and I am tired of the snide comments about performance reviews, etc. I am SO OVER it.
I am almost done perfecting my resume and my next step is finding jobs and sending the sucker out .... I am STILL debating about playing the lotto every day ... maybe then I could TRULY do what I want to do ... NOTHIN!!!!!!