Do you hear that? I do - it is called SILENCE!

My family came to visit last Wednesday. I had four extra adults (my parents and my youngest sister and her husband) and one baby (my nephew) added to my already full house.


I was excited to entertain. I had BBQ pork (my root beer and BBQ sauce recipe) in the crock pot for the night they got there and drinks were flowing- as always.


Thursday I took them all on the train to the City. We hung out at Millennium Park, ate lunch, and enjoyed a beautiful Summer day. That night we were all too exhausted to do anything, so I fired up the grill for dinner and we chilled.


Friday was when I could feel the walls starting to close in a little bit. While I love my sister dearly, she has always been a perfectionist, and controlling (if a youngest sibling can possibly be that way). Well, ever since Baby N was born you could multiply all of these by 6 ... or 7 ... shit, try 10! Now, I know all about being a new mom, I know all about hormones; but you have to remember what kind of mom I was/am.


I didn't freak about sterilizing stuff. I didn't panic when we had no schedule. I didn't throw a hissy if someone held him the "wrong way."


My approach was, and has always been, if it worked for my Mom it is fine for me ... and I am going to follow what my "mommy gut" tells me.


J is not this way. And she let everyone know. Thankfully she was visiting old friends that night, and staying in a hotel the rest of the trip anyway!


That night, my middle sister arrived and we were going to go out to a nice dinner. Unfortunately E never got out of work until 10:15, so we ordered pizza and drank and drank and drank. (Its a sure sign of trouble when you know your liquor store man on a first name basis, he hugs and kisses you when you walk in the door, and he hands you a free bottle of wine "just because").


Saturday was our long awaited belated 60th birthday BBQ for my parents ... and a surprise. It went without a hitch, and my Mom and Dad were thrilled. I am pretty proud that I entertained, fed and hosted 35 people in my house. Granted, I had help, but I am still going to give myself a pat on the back :)


Sunday we went to Mass and enjoyed a lazy afternoon. We had reservations that evening at a modern steakhouse that E and I have been dying to share with my parents. After driving 30 minutes to get to said steakhouse, we arrive only to find its doors locked and a makeshift sign on the window - Closed due to Power Outage. WHAT?!?!?!?!??!


Scramble to find a new place. Head to Millrose in Barrington and service was pathetic. The food? Lackluster. For being a place that we have been to more than I can count, I can promise you I will never go back. Also, end the evening with a fight between sister #3 and me (why is it that when I stand up for myself I am being argumentative or controlling, but when she does, she is "hormonal"????)


We smoothed the fight over and on Monday morning, my parents, two sisters, my brother-in-law, nephew AND my two boys hopped into a limo and headed for Florida.


Yep, you heard right, my boys are on vacation. For ten days. I miss them ... but ... YAHOO .... it has been nice to just chill!


I have so much stuff I want to get done with them being gone, but all I have really done is catch up with my DVR, go to dinner with Eric, and sleep past 6:00 AM!


I head to Florida next Wednesday for five days and then we return for the rest of the Summer.


Until then ... I am going to continue to chill and enjoy the silence.

Still breathing

Not dead ... not gone ... just haven't had the desire to sit down and write. I suck at typing (if you haven't been able to tell before, from all of my tehs .... ) so to get the stream of thought coming from my head onto the computer screen sometimes just takes too much effort.

I want to start back up again - it was always a great way of venting, without getting in trouble). I will soon.

For now, I am fine, still trying to lose my last few pounds (I fit into a skirt I wore right before my wedding - now that is more like it!), and enjoy the last half of Summer!

Lent turns into Easter ... with some bumps along the way.

If you have gotten anything out of my blog thus far, you should probably note that I am a fairly religious person. While I make mistakes (my potty mouth, my easily triggered anger, my opinions that can be downright rude), I really do try to do the right thing.


I actually am trying to use Lent for what it was really for- a cleansing. And Easter - a renewal. I am trying to curb that potty mouth and that temper.


I was truly tested this past week - actually right at the very start of the Holy Triduum, Holy Thursday.


In March, I asked E if we could have Easter at our house this year and he agreed. Lately we have been going to my Grandma's and I knew he would want to stick around this year. He asked his mom and sister, about a month ago, and they agreed as well. I said that dinner would be around 2:00, since neither one of them attend church and I didn't want to have to rush through our real reason we celebrate on that day.


Earlier last week, both MIL and SIL called to see what they should bring and everything was set. I did my grocery shopping, had my menu set and knew that on Holy Thursday I would begin my Easter prep.


As E and the boys and I were sitting at dinner on Thursday evening, the phone rang with the MIL's number on the caller ID. E answered. FIL proceeded to tell him that he would not be coming on Easter, as he found out that he had a broken rib and the doctor told him not to go anywhere (????????). He also then told E that we probably should just cancel Sunday because SIL and her fiance weren't coming either (once again: ?????????).


E got off the phone and he was puzzled. I was pissed. This was typical of his family ... and cancel Eater Sunday - whatever!!!!!


E calls MIL who appears to be stupefied about SIL and irritated at FIL for saying anything, she had still been planning on coming.


E then called SIL and the family fight began.


SIL said that she and fiance were starting a home improvement project that very evening (floors and walls) and thought that if they had gotten on a roll and Sunday rolled around, they would rather cancel with us so they could finish. She figured she would just call on Saturday eve or Sunday morning and let us know.


E unleashed on her (I was able to hear his end of the conversation). He told her how completely class-less this was. How could she even imagine it was OK to call someone who had been planning a special meal, the night before/morning of, and cancel. He told her that I was already starting to prepare food and that this wasn't just some cookout or casual dinner - this was Easter Sunday and it was important to our family. She started in about how I never truly invited her, which meant that it wasn't that important, blah, blah, blah and he cut her off. He let her know that he was disappointed in the fact that she used to go to church and value things like that until her fiance came into the picture. He told her that he didn't want to explain to his kids, who were basically gong to be spending the next 4 days in church, that their Aunt was cancelling on Easter because she was doing home improvement with her fiance who "doesn't believe in that religious stuff." She said a few more things, he then told her that he didn't care (which upset her even more) and he hung up.
I was fuming. FUMING. She tried to throw me under the bus! She "didn't get an invitation??????" Since when did we do anything formal in this family?!?!
E told me to continue with my plans and we would be better off without them. He called his Mom and told her that we would have our Easter meal as a family and if it worked out, we would bring them some desserts that afternoon. So, I went on with my business.
I took Big J with me to Holy Thursday adoration. It was cathartic. When we got back I finished some more cooking and watched the end of the Blackhawks game.
On Good Friday, I continued my cooking and took both boys to the Passion service at church. It was moving and exactly what I needed to remind me why we were preparing meals and Easter baskets in the first place!
When we returned from church there was a message from SIL asking E to call her because "they both had said things they didn't mean." I thought to myself, yes, you said things you may not have meant, but E meant every word he said.
The boys and I met E for our Good Friday pizza and then went home to color Easter eggs. He tried calling SIL back, but had to leave a message.
Saturday morning, I took the boys to Easter Food Blessing at church, a Polish tradition that I can remember participating in since I could walk. The boys loved it. E was working on painting our garage that day, so I continued my Easter prep, took Big J to baseball practice, watched the Bulls blow Game 4, and started to look at my schedule for Sunday. I realized there was no way possible to make it down to see his parents .... by the time our ham was done in the oven, sliced and on the table, it would be 2:00 at best. We would never make it to their house before 4:00 .... and we had school/work the following day, and, a Blackhawks game that evening at 6:30. He agreed and called MIL. She said they were still going to try to make it. I wasn't going to hold my breath.
That evening, I met my girlfriends for dinner and then I went, all by myself, to the Easter Vigil. I loved every second of it. It was so peaceful, so refreshing. Watching six people choose to become Catholic and seeing the joy on their faces brought me to tears.It was an incredible way for me to start my Easter celebration. Thank God I planned on going .... I could not have asked for anything better.
When I returned home, E told me that SIL finally called back. She said she was sorry and she didn't realize that Easter was so important to us (?????). She said she would try to make it but would call in the morning to let us know. E said that he never apologized. :)
After that, I grabbed a glass of wine, got out the boys Easter baskets and enjoyed knowing Lent was over and Easter season had begun.
Sunday morning was spent watching the boys dive into candy and puzzles, attending church and coming home to get dinner prepared.
MIL called around noon to say that they definitely were not coming. SIL never called.
My girlfriend came and joined E, the boys and I for a wonderful Easter dinner: orange glazed ham, grilled Polish sausage, Polish wedding noodles, lemon green beans, citrus glazed carrots, Spring pea salad, Spring green jello salad, Tri-color pound cake, Lamb cake and Lemonade Fluff (oh yea, and some of our blessed Chardonnay!!!!!). Around 3:00 I was stuffed, exhausted and ready to chill.
My girlfriend left, E and I took the boys out back and played tag. By 6:00, both boys had passed out and E and I sat on the couch and watched the Hawks win their third game in a row to bring on a Game 7.
All in all, it was a very blessed Easter weekend. I still feel like I can continue my mission to become a better person in God's eyes .... I still feel the joy from that Easter Vigil. Which is why, this whole MIL/SIL/E thing really hasn't bothered me. What needs to happen will happen .... I know that our family will do what God wants ... and that is all that matters to me.

Happy Easter!

Stop!!!!!

Starting to wonder if the world has started spinning faster than usual. I have consistently been feeling like my day has been shortened by an hour, at minimum.
Really .... what is going on? I used to be able to call a friend, respond to email, update a blog ... but lately, I am out of control. I am forgetful. I am forever adding things to my to-do list but never subtracting any!
I will be in the, driving the car, kneeling at church and suddenly remembering something I completely forgot to do.
I feel like I neglect my friends, my family, my job .... me.
Anyone else feel this way????

Peace.

My parents came to visit this past weekend. I am always so nervous before they visit because I never know how E will behave. Past visits have been ruined with comments made, insults thrown, or just rude behavior on E's part. Many nights have been spent fighting in loud whispers, so my Mom and Dad wouldn't hear, with me usually ending up in tears. My Mom and E are like oil and water (yet, they are so much alike). They just love to pick on each other, but neither one feels like they do anything wrong to the other. E thinks she is opinionated (she is ... but she is my Mother). She thinks E is self-centered and rude (he is ... but his is my Husband). My Mom is a staunch Catholic. E loves to tell people why that is wrong. My Mom loves the Bucs and Rays. E thinks the only team on Earth is the Bears and loves to shove that down people's throats. My Mom likes to be my mom. E thinks they treat me like a child. In the end, as excited as I get to see my parents, I am also anxious as hell. This weekend was such a wonderful blessing, I can hardly explain how I felt. E hung out with us. My Mom never made a comment or remark. We discussed sports, life, politics and I never heard a complaint from E as a laid my head to rest each night. We watched basketball together, went out to dinner together .... we had fun. As I was driving them back to the airport on Monday morning my Mom told me that she really enjoyed the visit and that she and my Dad both noticed that E was more relaxed on this visit and he was a joy (a joy?!?!?!?!?) to be around. E said he felt the same way. Glory glory hallelujah! We are all going down to Florida in May to attend my nephew's Baptism ...and for the first time in years, I am not nervous to have E join us on this trip. Prayers work ... they just take time ... and I will continue to pray that things only get better from here!

Nevermind ....

So, remember my cryptic post about a week ago? Never mind - false alarm. A little over a week ago I started noticing a lot of cramping - it was still about 10 until my period (I operate like clockwork, I might as well be on the Pill), so I knew it wasn't that. I also noticed that I was extremely exhausted, my boobs ached all the time, I woke up nauseous and I was bloating like never before. What would you think it was?? Yep, I even looked up and saw that my due date would have been December 9. Rather than being a rational (and smart) woman, and going to get an early test, I just kept things to myself and waited for my period to show or not show. So what did I do while I waited? Worried, planned, counted down, practiced how I would tell people, mourned the loss of alcohol for the next 9 months, planned my maternity leave (got excited that I would have all of Christmas at home ... but then got depressed when I thought I would spend the Winter months stuck inside with an infant), and worried about how things would work since I had new Tricare insurance but still wanted to keep my old doctor. Well, sitting in my office last Wednesday (still five days early for my expected period) evening I felt a really large cramp and noticed a bit of blood. Still in my "I am pregnant" mode, I thought, some bleeding is normal. Woke up the next morning and realized, I am not pregnant. I am assuming it was my period since it lasted for about five days. Part of me was relieved - I just got little j into underpants, we changed the baby room into a toy room, I am ten pounds away from my goal weight and I am starting to enjoy the fact that the boys are becoming more and more self-sufficient. The other part of me was sad - no little person to hold and love, little j won't become a big brother, no 12 week maternity leave (hey! no rolling of the eyes ... there should be some benefit to the mommy!) .... I wonder if I am ready for a third or if I am ready to say that I call it quits. E wants two more (he is cracked in the head) and I promise that will not happen. I believe that God has a plan for everyone. I don't believe in birth control, so it is up to me and Him to head down the path chosen for me. We shall see what happens from here ... but for now, it is me and E and the two boys ...

Lions and lambs ... oh my!

Where to begin??? March came in like a lion ... and has yet to lose its roar! Little j turned the big "3" on the 14th. He was so excited. We took him to Red Robin for a birthday celebration and ice cream sundae. We came home and opened presents. Big J bought him a Dinosaur Train set - he loved it. He gave his big brother a huge hug. We bought him an adjustable basketball hoop - he went nuts. The boys played (in the living room since it was still butt-ass cold, but it was fun none-the-less) for hours that evening. March Madness started and our annual rite of what-seems-like 96 hours of straight basketball began. I love every stinkin second. I even got Big J involved and we made a family bracket. He and I were on opposing sides during the Villanova-George Mason game and watching him get so involved and excited was priceless. (And, for the record, I didn't care about Obama's picks this year either!) Little j's party was a few days later and we had a great time celebrating. The weather actually cooperated with us, so the kids played outside while the grown-ups watched basketball and ate and ate and ate. I made mini-chicken burritos, dinosaur chicken nuggets (it was a Dino themed party), and mini pizza pockets (a total hit, made from Phyllo shells). We also had some Skinnygirl Margaritas (that stuff is AWESOME - I totally recommend it!). The following week was Spring Break for Big J. I took Monday, Tuesday and Friday off .... E's Mom watched them on Wednesday and Thursday so I got to give him a real break from school and day care. Monday we took advantage of the only day that was nice and spent it shopping at the outdoor mall, eating lunch at California Pizza Kitchen and playing some baseball in the front yard. Tuesday it poured all day and we just hung out inside and did absolutely nothing. The boys loved every second of it! Friday I took them out to Noodles and Company for lunch and then we went to see Diary of the Wimpy Kid part 2. They both laughed their asses off. It was so nice to just "be at home" with them without worrying about phone calls, work email, bosses, etc, etc, etc. I love doing that (even though I want to beat their asses at the end of the day!) In between all of that we actually celebrated my birthday. After Little j's big day, I am always an after-thought. E and the boys took me to dinner at Claim Jumper - we sat at the bar and watched more basketball. I got some UCF scrubs from the boys and E is taking me to buy a large clock for our family room wall that I have been wanting for quite some time. E and I went out for a birthday dinner date on Saturday to Pete Millers ... more basketball (NCAA and NBA) and hockey ... with great food and lots of wine!!!!! It was sad to see the great week come to an end but thankfully my Mom and Dad are coming to town on Friday and I have that to look forward to! Really ready for March to leave like a lamb now .... any time. ;)

Really???

Been M.I.A. lately ... lots going on and will update later. But, for now . . . Ever know about something that you should be happy knowing but are actually scared out of your ever-loving mind about? Yep, welcome to my life.

Number One or Number Two?

Last week little j decided that he no longer wanted to wear diapers any more, he wanted to "go potty on the potty."

He made this decision at school and they said he just made the decision and started going.

When I potty trained Big J, I was doing it on my own, as E was deployed. We started backwards, going #2, and because of that, I taught him how to pee sitting down and tucking his little thingie down. With the exception of an occasional slip, or the kid really needing to pee, my bathroom stayed clean and dry.

Fast forward a few years. Big J is now a big boy and stands up to pee. Cool. I get that. I am forever cleaning up dribbles here and there, but nothing out of this world. Crap, I still have to clean up after my husband and he is 36 years old!!!!!

little j decided that he will have to pee standing up; just like his brother. The little dude's thingie barely fits over the side of the toilet, and he refuses to hold on, so basically, while he thinks he is peeing in the potty, he is actually peeing on my walls, floors, cabinets, rugs, etc, etc, etc .....

When my little dude decides he has to finally take care of Number 2, his little thingie just "stands" there ready to shoot ... and it does ... well.

So, for the last two weeks, I have been in potty hell ...while I was overjoyed at returning a box of 144 diapers to Costco yesterday, I am overwhelmed at all of my cleanup and constant need for standing in pools of pee.

We moved on to "underwears" (as little j likes to say) this week, using Pull-ups and diapers at night until we run out. He stays dry at school, no accidents ... but then again, they have these tiny little pottys at school - they are just the right height. As soon as he got home last night, he peed and his pants and underwear and socks (and my carpet and floor) were soaked.

I have tried to show him how to sit and tuck. Big J has shown him. Daddy has shown him.

Nope, my little j wants to become Big J, Jr .... there will be no sitting and tucking if he has his way!

Tuesday, Tuesday

Why I hate Tuesdays:

I am in the office. All.Day.Long.

I take phone call after phone call, and client after client, while the two dingbats that I work with pick their noses and shine their shoes.

Getting ready to get out of the house is a whirlwind. E somehow feels that because he has to drop the boys off at day care, that he must have everything laid out in assembly line fashion for him so that the morning runs smoothly (because he does not want to be late for work).

So, while E sleeps in bed (um, one would think, that if you didn't want to be late, one would get the eff out of bed earlier and help!) I shower, change, grab my work stuff, get the boys up, change the boys, get the boys their breakfast and vitamins, make E's lunch, set out E's breakfast (as I do this, I consistently call up to E to wake up or get out of bed) and try to remember something for my own lunch.

I lay out the boys' shoes, coats, backpacks and then finally head out the door to catch the train.

By the time I am on the train, I am irritated and tired.

By the time I get to the office, I am depressed.

By the time I am done for the day, I need to drink.

I hate Tuesdays.


By the way, who remembers to get me breakfast or lunch some days ... oh yea, that's my job too!