Nevermind ....

So, remember my cryptic post about a week ago? Never mind - false alarm. A little over a week ago I started noticing a lot of cramping - it was still about 10 until my period (I operate like clockwork, I might as well be on the Pill), so I knew it wasn't that. I also noticed that I was extremely exhausted, my boobs ached all the time, I woke up nauseous and I was bloating like never before. What would you think it was?? Yep, I even looked up and saw that my due date would have been December 9. Rather than being a rational (and smart) woman, and going to get an early test, I just kept things to myself and waited for my period to show or not show. So what did I do while I waited? Worried, planned, counted down, practiced how I would tell people, mourned the loss of alcohol for the next 9 months, planned my maternity leave (got excited that I would have all of Christmas at home ... but then got depressed when I thought I would spend the Winter months stuck inside with an infant), and worried about how things would work since I had new Tricare insurance but still wanted to keep my old doctor. Well, sitting in my office last Wednesday (still five days early for my expected period) evening I felt a really large cramp and noticed a bit of blood. Still in my "I am pregnant" mode, I thought, some bleeding is normal. Woke up the next morning and realized, I am not pregnant. I am assuming it was my period since it lasted for about five days. Part of me was relieved - I just got little j into underpants, we changed the baby room into a toy room, I am ten pounds away from my goal weight and I am starting to enjoy the fact that the boys are becoming more and more self-sufficient. The other part of me was sad - no little person to hold and love, little j won't become a big brother, no 12 week maternity leave (hey! no rolling of the eyes ... there should be some benefit to the mommy!) .... I wonder if I am ready for a third or if I am ready to say that I call it quits. E wants two more (he is cracked in the head) and I promise that will not happen. I believe that God has a plan for everyone. I don't believe in birth control, so it is up to me and Him to head down the path chosen for me. We shall see what happens from here ... but for now, it is me and E and the two boys ...

Phew

Hello period .... Thank you God.

I was SO not ready to have a 3rd .. not in the LEAST bit.

Bring on the cramps this month .....

Phew.

Whose skin did I wake up in?

OK - so, Number 1, yesterday sucked.

The overblown media hype about our new President was WAY over the top. But that, in itself, is not what made me so irritated today. The disrespect that we, Americans, showed for President Bush was disgusting.

in·sult
archaic : to behave with pride or arrogance : vaunt
: to treat with insolence, indignity, or contempt : affront ; also : to affect offensively or damagingly

What people did to President Bush was nothing short of insulting.

http://briefingroom.thehill.com/2009/01/20/bush-mocked-as-he-arrives-on-inauguration-dais/
http://washingtontimes.com/news/2009/jan/21/curl-obama-repudiates-bush-era-in-address/

I hope people stop and think about these actions when they hear statements about Bush "shaming" America. Bush didn't shame America, we, the people of America, shamed America. I am embarrassed of my country right now.

Now, for Number 2 ... I totally got lambasted today at work. I walked into a firehouse I have been walking into for the past 9 years. While I understand everyones fear and anger about the economy, please, do NOT try and tell me that everything I know about my job is wrong. I don't tell you, Mr Firefighter, how to fight a fire. Therefore, don't tell me you know more than I do about MY job! It is NOT my fault your mutual fund went down 40%, as did mine!

Educate yourself people. Learn ... but don't blame me when you listen to your own "advice" and in 5 years you wonder what the hell has happened.

And now, Number 3 .... I had a "OMG" moment. I realized yesterday that I am 1 week late. Yes, late ... as in, "where the eff is my freaking period" late.

This could not be happening. I haven't seen Eric since Christmas, it wasn't that "don't touch me" time while he was there ..... but, anything can happen. So ... after getting chewed out at my final firehouse, I drive like a maniac to CVS to buy a test (and why IS it, that even though I am married with 2 children, I STILL feel embarrassed to buy a test?).

Scary ... I thought, how the hell can this be happening. My body is NOT ready. My emotions are NOT ready. My poor family is NOT ready. So ... I peed on the stick. I cried. I paced. I waited 2 minutes .... and .....

Negative.

Thank you Jesus.

Now ... I wait for my lovely period ... with PMS that is starting to seep out of my pores. Yippee do dah day.