Where did all my estrogen go?

Valentine's Day is coming.



I can tell you I am under-whelmed.



Should I be like most women and tell my husband that he better do something for me, or else? Or, should I just tell him what I am really thinking this year .... I don't care.



Or, am I just trying to be all "modern and nonchalant" and once V-Day comes, and I have no flowers, cards or treats to speak of, will I be sad and upset and secretly wish my husband was not who he really is and instead be all romantic and crap and get me something "just because?"

Am I even female any more? Or does this prove that I am truly goofy and a bigger "girl" than most?



Sometimes I drive myself nuts.



Just sayin.

Sickies ....

On the train an hour earlier than usual.

Day care called, Big J has a fever and we needed to come get him. He had a runny nose yesterday and complained about a headache this AM, so I am sure it is his sinuses.

Praise God E was able to work from home and go get him at noon.

I am headed home early to pick up little j (just in case he is fighting something off - I would rather have him at home).

Of course, we leave for Florida on Friday morning.

Always something. Never sick on a day when I am already headed home, or on a weekend when I can curl up with them. :(

We will put Taco Tuesday on hold for today an I will be warming up leftovers for this evenings supper .... hopefully the kiddos will be healthy tomorrow morning!

Short ... but not so sweet

My boss has sunk to a new level .... really. He has.

The Blizzard that hit a few weeks ago? The one where the City and State pretty much told anyone who wasn't essential to their work (ie, doctors, police, firmen) that they shouldn't be on the roads. Period. My boss? Made people come in ... and stay until 5:00.

A co-worker had an episode last week at work. 911 was called. He had been working from home (um ... but I cannot????). When he found out, before anything got done and before the stretcher left the office, he was updating HR systems to reflect her docked sick time.

I have been working on a HUGE account for over a year. Trying to get this $ in to no avail. It finally came in on Wednesday, but the client forgot to bring something. In my boss' horribly untactful way of dealing with people, he pissed the client off and let him walk out of the office with a massive check in his pocket. And THEN had the audacity to say to me, "heh heh, oh well."

Heh Heh .... eff you dude. Really. You. are. a. DOUCHEBAG.

Blah, blah, blah ....

It's been a long week. Even with a day off on Monday, I feel like I have been working non-stop. I went from feeling exceptionally organized to out of control again, and I don't really know why.
I have been following my "do it now so you don't have to do it later" mantra .... but there have been a few nights where all I have felt like doing is sitting on the couch, flipping channels, and eating ...
There is another thing: eating. I cannot stop. I have no willpower what so ever. It would be one thing if I craved healthy shit, but I have been craving carbs like there is no tomorrow. I know a lot has to do with the weather, but I need to snap out of it or I am going to destroy the last year of hard work and weight loss in one big POOF! Chips, cookies, candy ... they literally call my name from the kitchen every afternoon and evening. I start the day off so well and by 3:00 BOOM!!!! I am eating like I starving animal.
It.Must.Stop.
I did start a new workout this week. I had tried this Bootcamp workout on OnDemand a few weeks ago and loved it. I decided to buy it from Amazon. It's Jay Johnson's Boot camp Fitness. It is straight up boot camp. No ifs, ands or butts about it. I missed Spin every day this week, but have been doing this in its place. I can hardly squat down to pee (TMI?). I recommend it BIG time if you need a new kick in the ass. I am actually going to see what other workouts he has on DVD and get a few. Its a nice change of pace from Jackie Warner and Jillian Michael's.
It's Friday, and I am happy. I worked EARLY this morning, so I can end early this afternoon. Big J has swim lessons tonight (in this frigid cold I am wondering how much I really feel like taking the entire family swimming, but the kids love it). Tomorrow is wrap up the laundry and hang out day and on Sunday E is going to the NFC Championship game.
It's really weird, and I really cannot figure out why, but I don't care. I don't care that the Bears could be going to the Superbowl. I don't care that this is like the dream matchup and people are dying to go. I don't care. But, that isn't me. If anyone knows me, I am a sports fanatic. This type of stuff should dominate my thoughts. Maybe it is a tell tale sign that the winter blues have kicked in yet again. Maybe by Sunday I can be excited. Maybe.

And so ... I cried

We had a day off yesterday. Big J, little j and I.

I rarely get the government holidays off, so it was nice to look forward to that, especially as Sunday night came to a close (Especially a Sunday that was spent in the bathroom, puking my guts out from drinking the previous night ... I shall digress).

We took our time getting dressed in the morning ... wandered around in our PJ's for a bit. I put dinner in the crock pot - pot roast (it turned out fabulously!) so I wouldn't have much more to do throughout the day.

We went to Wildberry for breakfast. I had a Spanish omelette, Big J and S'mores pancakes and little j had Fruity Pebbles pancakes (not the healthiest - but they actually ate!). It was an enjoyable meal and I didn't have to yell at them too much!

After breakfast, we drove over to see Daddy at his office, since, with Big J's school schedule, we really don't get to do that too often. The kids were excited; I think E was too.

We headed to Target and each of the boys carried a $5 bill that my Grandma had sent them for Christmas. We bought the game Operation. They were psyched.

We got home, ate some fruit (who were these kids??) and laughed our asses off while playing the game.

little j took a nap. I shoveled the snow and did my Boot camp DVD.

When little j woke up, the three of us went sledding before the snow turned to sleet/rain.

We, again, laughed our asses off! little j ended up in the weeds a few times and even he, the kid that cries at everything, laughed!

We went home, had some hot chocolate, the boys played Lego's and blocks and I finished off the pot roast.

Before dinner they set the table, picked up some toys and waited for Dad to come home. We ate dinner together. BOTH boys ate everything.

After dinner, Big J requested to wash the dishes, and he actually did a good job. little j wanted to help too, so he wiped the table and floor from dinner.

I think I was walking around in la-la land.

After the boys were tucked in, and I watched my DVR'ed Bachelor and Being Erica, I went to check on them before I called it a day.

I held each of them for a bit, remembering what they were like when they were small .... really small. And, with each boy, I cried.

We had a good day. For the first time, in a very long time, I wasn't frazzled with them, overwhelmed with them, tired of them. I had a good day with them and that made me happy.

And so ....

I cried.

Holiday recap

Where did my vacation go? Where did Christmas go? Shit, where the hell did November go?

Remember when you were a kid and vacations were endless? Christmas took forever to get here and it never seemed to leave?

Not any more!

We enjoyed our holiday - the quick flash of time that it was. ;)

I worked until the 22nd and then had the rest of the year off (yahoo Mountain Dew!)

I was planning on my aunt bringing my Grandma to our house for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day - so I had a lot to plan for ... but I also wanted to enjoy some time off with the boys.

We baked a lot of cookies ... a LOT ... I made:

1. Chocolate Peanut Butter sandwiches ... YUM!
2. Oreo Cookie Balls .... sinful
3. Cranberry-Pistachio drops
4. Salted Chocolate dipped Shortbread
5. Chocolate-Cherry Biscotti
6. Decorated Sugar cookies
7. Chocolate Chunk cookies
8. Saltine Cracker toffee
9. Caramel wrapped pretzel truffles

I am still surprised I didn't gain ten pounds over the holidays!

E was off the week before Christmas so the four of us grabbed some lunches, enjoyed some time at Caribou Coffee sitting by the fire with hot chocolate (or in my case, the Dark Chocolate Spicy Mocha ... I was addicted and probably spent $50 in a few weeks drinking these in place of breakfasts and lunches!). It was enjoyable to just be a family for a while, rather than employees of other people!

Christmas Eve was a blur. It happened that my aunt screwed me over on my visit with Grandma (another post for another day) and I would have to wait until Christmas night to see her, so, it would just be the four of us. We went to 3:00 Children's Mass .... it was so cute to see the kids in the Christmas play ,.... and watching Santa walk up the aisle with a gift for baby Jesus (yep, I sobbed .... like a baby). It was great to see the boys dressed up so much ... they looked so cute.

We went home and I prepared Christmas Eve Dinner:

Crab and Shrimp Bisque
Holiday Overnight Salad
Apple and Cranberry Stuffed Pork Loin Roast
Baked Corn
Mashed Potatoes and Gravy
Sweet and Sour Green beans
Red Velvet Cake

It was fabulous dinner (even though little j never touched a morsel) and E and I shared a few Champagne cocktails!

After dinner we played some Wii, set out cookies and milk for Santa, read the Polar Express and then the boys got into their PJ's and went to bed ... I wish every night was that easy to get them to go to bed.

E and I had wrapped all of the Santa presents the night before, so we actually sat down on the couch and watched It's a Wonderful Life and enjoyed a relaxing Christmas Eve ... and watched it snow out the window (this is the ONE and ONLY time you will hear me say how beautiful the snow was!). After we were sure the boys were sound asleep, we played Santa .... I wrapped all of the gifts from Santa in red Santa wrapping (the one thing that I remember from Santa as a child was that his wrapping paper was eerily similar to what my Mom's presents were wrapped in!). We moved flowers away from the front of the fireplace and took a few bites of cookies, drank milk and then hit the hay!

Christmas morning was so cool. The boys woke up and we had Big J run to tell us if Santa thought they were good this year. He ran downstairs and came back up yelling, "I thought we were bad this year! I can only imagine what it would look like if we were good!' ;)

We spent the next few hours unwrapping and playing. I got some new pajamas and underwear (Big J thought that was hysterical), an infinity scarf, Glenn Beck's Broke on audio, wind chimes for the back yard, a cute cardigan, a dress from the boys and a few little things. We enjoyed an overnight egg casserole and overnight french toast that I had made (the french toast has become our family tradition).

After presents (and me throwing ham in the oven - see one of my previous posts), we cleaned up and headed down to my sister in laws to celebrate Christmas with E's family.

It was enjoyable, the ham came out very good (thank God - I practically nailed it to two pans and duct taped foil around it so it would survive the car ride down!).

There, I got a Kindle (a surprise!), a Coach shoulder bag (another surprise) and some odds and ends.

We headed back North to pick up my Grandma.

The visit with Grandma was low key and relaxed and I enjoyed every second of it. She napped with the boys on Sunday while I ran to Target to get more Rubbermaids to store the plethora of toys the boys had received from everyone. We enjoyed a repeat of my Christmas Eve meal and I "returned" her to my Aunt that night.

It was so nice to know I still had one more week off from work.

E went back that Monday. So, it was me and the boys.

Monday: we ran a few errands, returned a few unneeded Christmas presents, grocery shopped for the coming week and Mommy let them get McDonald's (I let them only once every few months).

Tuesday: Pajama Day. We stayed in our pj's all day. The boys watched TV, played with toys, built a fort, decorated the Gingerbread train my Grandma gave them for Christmas, and Mommy got to veg a bit too!

Wednesday: Kohl's Children museum (which I will not be renewing a membership for because I would like to strangle all the hoity toity moms and spoiled rotten brats that you have to deal with while you are there), and brunch with the boys while the cleaning lady was at the house.

Thursday: Babysitter for boys while Mommy went to the doctor and lunch out with Daddy near his office.

Friday: UCF game day and New Years Eve!!!
What a day. All three boys fell asleep right before kickoff, so my friends and I (through Facebook and texts and the Internet) all watched the Knights defeat Georgia in the Liberty Bowl "together." So, my game day spread (including homemade cheese balls, shrimp dip, chips and salsa and LIQUOR) was mine all mine!!!! (What did I say about not gaining ten pounds?!)

After game day, we bathed the boys, changed into party clothes and threw some sausage on the grill ()it was 60 degrees outside) for our big New Years Eve party (once again, it was just the four of us).
We grilled out, played Wii, had a dance marathon and watched Dick Clark's NYE so we could celebrate at 11:00 for the boys ... low key, but fun.

New Years Day was spent taking down Christmas decor and enjoying the fact that I still had three more days of vacation.

Going back to work on that Tuesday sucked ... it still sucks. But, looking back on my vacation, I really enjoyed spending so much time with my family and the boys .... it was a blessing.

A clean slate

I went to Confession on Saturday. I haven't been in about a year.

While some people despise the Sacrament, I actually enjoy it. I feel like it is my cleansing diet. I feel refreshed. My soul feels clear.

My problem though? My anger and stress and overwhelmedness doesn't help me create an atmosphere to keep my soul refreshed.

I feel that if I had more time to myself, more help at home, less work to do, less feeling like I am being pulled by six limbs (when I only have four!) I would actually be able to keep that cleansed feeling.

So ... I continue to work on things.

I continue to try and keep my potty mouth clean (so not easy to do) and I feel like I am losing that battle.

I continue to try and relax and breathe deep when I have to ask the boys to do something for the 915th time.

I continue to try and lay off of the horn when I am driving behind some a-hole who appears to not know the difference between the brake pedal and the gas pedal.

I continue to try and maintain my patience when running errands and dealing with customer service reps who don't know the definition of "customer service."

I continue trying ... and I think that is all I can do ... and all God asks .... I hope.

Get a clue people!

So, I have another beef with my husband's side of the family (seems like a pattern lately, right?).

Every year his grandmother hosts a Christmas party on the Saturday before Christmas. Most years, with the exceptions of the ones that I am down in Florida, we try and make it.

The past few years his aunt has been hosting them because grandma is no longer able to handle everything on her own.

There is usually a gift exchange among the children (we don't participate in the adult exchange, these people are nuts - another story for another day) and the standard buffet of food.

Well, I have been bugging E for a few weeks to call someone to find out if this party was going on this year (we had heard nothing) and, if so, was there going to be a gift exchange and would I have to bring a dish. My life is too crazy right now to be told 2 days in advance about this sort of stuff.

Anyway ... my husband tells me last night that, yes, the party is being held this coming Saturday.

Here is the kicker: I am to bring a 7 layer salad and home baked cookies.

Why am I irritated?

Well, first, he had to call his mom to find out about the party. I have never been sent an email, invite ... nothing.

Second, who the eff tells people specifically what to bring to a party? ... Um, yes, Sally, please bring the Mustard and Maple Glazed chicken with roasted carrots on the side ... seriously? Tell me you need me to bring a salad and let me choose a recipe that fits into the time I have to prepare it!

Third, home baked cookies? Up yours. I am struggling to find time in my schedule to make cookies for my family, let alone, other peoples'. With only four days notice, you aren't getting any cookies. I am going to be a scrooge.

Fourth, if you wanted all of this shit, call people ahead of time! If E had never called his mom I can guarantee, just like last year, I would have received an email two days before the party telling me what to bring.

Seriously folks, can we please gain some etiquette and class ... soon ... please?

Am I the crazy one???

My SIL said that she really wanted to host Christmas this year. OK. I hosted Thanksgiving. Pulled out the china, prepared two, yes two, turkeys, because I thought people would eat. I only asked my SIL to bring sweet potatoes ... that's it.
Forward to this morning. I got an email from SIL. It read:

"I am making meatballs for an appetizer. Can you bring the ham. We will keep it simple."

W.T.F. ???????
Really?
I am driving 45 minutes, with my two boys, to your house because you wanted to host Christmas dinner and I am bringing the effing main dish?!?!?!
Holy hell.
Next year I am flying to Florida .... I do not care how much it costs!!!!!!

Like I lost a family member

Rest in peace Ronnie.