Like I lost a family member

Rest in peace Ronnie.

The music of life

Listening to Bret Michaels sing with Jimmy Buffet on I-Tunes .... Funny, before this Bret Michaels phenomena, I was buying his solo albums (do they still call them albums?) all along.
I watched him on Celebrity Apprentice and gained a whole new respect for him. After watching him with the hookers on the Rock of Love shows, he needed to!
It was weird when he had his brain hemorrhage. My sister called to tell me and I felt sad. I guess when you are passionate about music, like I am, it stays with you. Music is a part of you. And growing up with Bret Michaels, his posters on my wall, tapes and CD's constantly on my radio, I feel like he was part of that. Not like I am a weird fan, stalker type ... but, you have a connection to people like that.
He was a part of of my childhood, my dating life (how many times did I make out to Every Rose has Its Thorn????), and even my wedding and my sisters' weddings (at least one Poison song had to be played at them!).
Funny how certain songs, artists, albums, etc can instantly put you in a good mood, no matter what. And, as I have said before, can take you back to times that you will never forget.

Remember the nights we sat

and talked about all our dreams

Well little did we know then

They were more distant than they seemed

Well I knew it

You knew it too

the things we'd go through

We knew the things we had to do

To make it baby

The scents of our lives ...

So, my last post got me thinking about this post.

We have five senses, right? So, what else can bring memories back into the front part if our brain? How about smells and scents?

What can take me back to good times? Bad times? Younger Days? Better days?

Aramis cologne. This smell makes me think of my Daddy. Over the years we have tried to buy him new and updated colognes. But he always goes back to his old stand-by, Aramis. And you know what? That makes me happy. It is just "my Dad." Before I left for college I sprinkled a teddy bear of mine with his cologne ... on bad days I just smelled it and always felt better.

Onions and celery, sauteing in butter. Weird? Probably. But every time I make a soup or stuffing and start with that combination and it starts to fill the room with its aroma, I think of my Mom. I especially think of her and when she would make our Thanksgiving dinner. The house would always smell like this for what seemed like days! It makes me feel so cozy and comforted.

Baby powder. Even though baby books instructed me to not use baby powder on my kids, I did. And whenever I smell it, I think of them as little infants, all clean after baths and snugly. Peaceful. Precious and tiny.

Chlorine. Well, really, its the smell of your skin about an hour after you have been in a chlorinated pool. Brian, the high school boyfriend, was a life guard. He always smelled like chlorine. The smell makes me think of easy times, fun times, times with no kids, bills or jobs!

Charcoal grill. Lit of course. AAhhhh ... the smell of a summer evening, sun starting to hit the horizon, the evening just starting. I think of times where my Dad would start to throw burgers on the grill for dinner. I think of days where my boys are running around the backyard as we start to grill a late dinner. I love the smell of that grill the feelings it stirs up!

Michael Kors perfume. I love, love, love this stuff. I like a lot of perfumes. But, I specifically bought this perfume for my wedding day. Whenever I wear it I remember walking down the aisle, cutting cake, toasts, first dances and first kisses.

Eternity for women. My girlfriend in high school wore this every day. Her car smelled like this. Her room smelled like this. To this day, whenever I smell Eternity I think of the good times we used to have back in the day.

Polo cologne for men. I banned E from wearing this cologne after we got together. My horrible, nasty ex used to wear Polo. He bathed in Polo. Drank Polo. Shit - he probably peed Polo. That is one smell that can bring up the dry heaves immediately.

Pickles. For some reason, every time I smell pickles, I remember scratch and sniff stickers. I remember sitting on our front stoop with my best friend flipping through our sticker books. I remember the nasty smelling ones - skunk, garbage, licorice and I remember the good ones - pickles, popcorn, pizza!

Root beer floats. My Grandpa made these for us every time we went to visit him. They always had Neapolitan ice cream and when they were out of vanilla ice cream, he would use strawberry. After he made our floats he would always take us out into the back porch and let us sit on the glider and drink them.

Coconut, specifically tanning oil with coconut. Remember those days? Laying around with your girlfriends, boomboxes blasting. Magazines spread out and our skin caked with tanning oil so we could catch some rays. Geesh - I miss that. I really do!

And, do you know what I noticed? When E left for deployment I went looking for something to hold into that smelled like him. You know what? He doesn't have "a scent." He rarely wears cologne and he switches soaps and shaving creams all the time. There wasn't one thing that I could pinpoint that made me think of him! I think I will have to work on that!

So ... what smells take you back? Coffee? Popcorn? Old Spice cologne?

Songs of My Life

I was reading the blog of a friend recently and she was posting about a song that was stuck in her head (thanks a lot ... that song followed me around for days!).

After reading this blog (and finally shaking the song out of my brain), I started to think about my life and the music that accompanies it.

I remember a paper I wrote back in high school. It was for an Advanced Creative Writing class that I absolutely adored ... a class that even made me consider Writing as a career ... I have no idea why I didn't pursue that thought. Every once in a while I enjoy looking at some of those papers (yes, I saved each and every one ... most were written about my heartbreak, but some were pretty inspired!).

Anyway, the paper that I remember, was about how certain senses can take you back to memories you didn't even think you remembered. Like the smell of a certain cologne can remind you of your your 8th grade crush or the scent of Jean Nate brings you back to your Grandma's house.

My paper was concentrated on the sense of sound. How certain songs can almost be like pictures floating in front of your eyes when you hear their distinct melodies. Some memories can be sad, some can make you giggle ... some can get you just as fired up now as they did back then!

Here are some of the songs that take me back ....



Celebration by Kool and the Gang. Now, I am sure this song has been played at most weddings or proms you have attended, I know it has for me. But, the one memory that comes up every time I hear this song is a Father/Daughter dance I attended with my Dad during my Freshman year of high school. It was Spring, 1989. I remember noticing how cool my Dad actually was. He had rhythm. He had this distinct dance move where he shakes his hips and bobs his head side to side, all smooth and stylish. I never really had noticed my dad like that until that point in my life. It makes me smile just thinking about it.



Come on Eileen by Dexi's Midnight Runners. This song always take me back to my little yellow bedroom at our last house in Indiana. I remember my sisters and I dancing to that song over and over, running in circles faster and faster as the melody sped up. Good times.



Another One Bites the Dust by Queen. My Mom. Forest Green Chevy Nova. Turned up ... loud. Too cool.



Ice Ice baby by Vanilla Ice. My sisters and I could rap (and, frightfully, still can) each and every word. Ha!



Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton. This song was the Prom theme at my boyfriend's Senior Prom. It was also "our song." Every single time I hear it I can remember him.



***This is where my post will escape to my high school sweetheart memories .... I often wonder if I am psycho for remembering all of this stuff, or if everyone remembers this stuff. These songs remind me of "that" guy, the one who broke my heart into a million pieces. ***



More Than Words Can Say by Alias. I can almost remember the notes Brian (that was his name) used to send me. They were long ass love letters, all gushy and sweet. He once wrote out the words to this song for me. (and all the girls can go ... "aaaawwwwww")



I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by U2. On a night out with friends, this song came on the radio, Brian leaned over and whispered, "I already found what I am looking for."



Days Gone By by Slaughter. Not a well known song. I had just bought this CD when Brian dumped me out of the clear blue sky. This track? I would put it on repeat and sob my eyes out until I had nothing left and then I would do it all over again.



***OK ... no more Brian songs ..... but I did have other boyfriends ... really, I did!!!!***



November Rain by Guns and Roses. So, the guy I met right after the big break up, thought this was "our" song ... on the first night I met him ... and I was totally annihilated. Um ... after one date, I decided I would rather stay heartbroken!



Dream on by Aerosmith. My girlfriend had a crush on a boy (he was pretty hot I must say) in high school who loved Aerosmith. One night, she and I sat in my room and hit play and pause all night long until we learned the words to this song .... ha ha ha. Too bad we didn't have Google.



Killing Me Softly by The Fugees. My middle sister came to visit me in college. She listened to this song incessantly. The visit was a blast. On the way home we listened to this song: To Really Love a Woman by Bryan Adams.



3AM by Matchbox 20. I moved out into my own totally cute apartment. Free from all boys. Free to do anything I chose to do. I listened to this song cranked way up.



Angel by Sarah McLaughlin. I met E when this song was out. I always thought about him when it came on the radio ... even before I realized I liked him.



Best Friend by TimMcGraw. Our wedding song. Also, my ring tone for E. He was/is my best friend ... most of the time ;)



You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban. I dance with my Dad to this song at my wedding. I seriously cannot listen to more than 15 seconds (and that is pushing it) without tearing up and soon sobbing like a baby. If you aren't married, and you plan on getting married, and you really love you Dad, double check the length of the song you will dance with him to ... this one killed me!



Soak up the Sun by Sheryl Crow. The song playing when Big J was born. He was my sun and I soaked it up.



List of Demands by Saul Williams. Unfortunately they didn't have the radio on when little j was born. But March Madness was in full swing when I brought him home from the hospital. There was Nike commercial that they played every other second and this was its song. Little j slept in the pack and play downstairs next to the TV those first two weeks and will probably have some experience with this song someday and not really know why ... he will just think, "where the hell have I heard this before????" :)



I have so many songs I could list. Lists that could go on and on ... especially for an audiophile like me. Maybe some day I will revisit this post and add some more "songs of my life."



What are your songs?

Happy Halloween!

We took the little guys trick or treating on Saturday.

It is amazing to me the joy that simple acts can bring to your life. It is amazing to me how watching my two guys can bring back a flood of memories from my past.

Remembering the friends I walked with, the Dads that took us ... the weeks that it seemed went by before the last few candy bars were eaten.

Now, I watch as my kids go door to door. As their Dad holds their hands and leads them up stoops and around other kids. I watch as they eat the vegetable soup I cooked all morning, the same way my Mom wouldn't let us leave the house without eating a bowl full of her creation every year.

Little j took right to the whole thing ... walking up to the doors, carrying his own bucket and holding it out to get the goodies. Big J was the voice of the operation, loud "trick or treats" and lots of "thank yous."

We lasted for about and hour and a half before Big J's hands were freezing and little j had so much snot running into his mouth that he probably was no longer hungry for dinner!

We stopped at 2 friends' houses to say hello before heading back to our place for a family Halloween "party." Meatballs, buffalo chicken dip (OMG - my FAVORITE), hot dogs ... and huge spread to show the kids that Mommy really does love them and wants them to remember these things when they take their kids out for Halloween some day!

My little guys waiting to go check out their loot!

Big J - my Cowboy!

Our family: me- the sorority girl, E - the construction worker, Big J - the cowboy and little j - the farmer

Mommy and her Cowboy