National Walk to School Day

Big J walked the entire mile and a half to school .. and was so excited when his principal and teachers met him on the way!!

I think it's a pretty cool day to "celebrate" ... beats National Doughnut Day!!!!

What I am

"I'm not aware of too many things

I know what I know if you know what I mean

What I am is what I am

Are you are is what you are or what?

What I am is what I am"

Wow ... its been a while ... and here we are, mid-July, and life continues to drive forward at the speed of light.

I have been many things in the past few weeks ... and here is my recap:

I am happy:

Happy that I have two healthy children who, despite making me want to pull my hair out one strand by one strand, give me joy from the inside out.
Happy that I am still employed.
Happy that the Hawks won the Stanley Cup! It was so cool to experience the hype and fun! And fun to watch Big J and little j enjoy it with me!
Happy that my baby sister is pregnant (no one knows yet .... so SSSSHHHHH!!!!!)!
Happy that my relationship with E is better than it has been in a while (while his hunger for sex ... sorry ... this is my blog .... drives me nuts!). Who would have thunk?

I am anxious:
Anxious about Big J starting kindergarten next month. Our whole world changes. You wouldn't think it does, but .... No more vacation whenever it works for me .... we are now on "school time." No more keeping the boys home when I have a short day, no more long weekends at Grandma's ...... Vacations, visits, trips will now be with the rest of the world: Spring Break, Summer, and Christmas! And ... my little dude ... he is going to school! My little buddy who was my partner in crime while E was away will be gone at school! My baby is all grown up ... and I totally don't feel old enough to have a kid in school.
Anxious that my results at work could stop any time due to this boob in Office that ruins the economy every day that he wakes up. I cannot go back to that again ... really, I cannot.
Anxious about E's Army fate. We are waiting on a medical board to determine how he will be retired. My "stay at home mom" future all rides on what this Board decides.

I am sad:
Sad because a man, who was like an Uncle to my sisters and I, died this past Saturday. He was a funny man, who was a great friend to my family and will be missed terribly.

I am excited:
Excited that I have lost about 25 pounds and I am nearing my goal. I want to lose about 1o more!
Excited that my middle sister is coming to visit in one month!
Excited that I get to go to Tampa in a few weeks for a quick visit and to drop Big J off for his vacation with Grandma and Grandpa.

I am disappointed:
Disappointed that I have yet to get my personal business any where near getting off the ground. My own fault, completely.
Dispappointed that the Cubs suck this year.
Disappointed that we still cannot seem to get our financial situation where we want/need it.

I am determined:
Determined to start writing in this blog again. Really.
Determined to get a bit more involved for myself ... find a team, group ... something.
Determined to let my family know how much they mean to me every day.

"I yam what I yam

And that's all what I yam.

I'm Popeye the sailor man"

I want to be ....????

What do I want to be when I grow up?

Shoot. I wish I would have been one of those kids, whom, when asked this question, would TOTALLY know what they wanted to do. You know the types: "Susie, what so you want to be when you grow up?" "I want to be a doctor."

Yea. That wasn't me. What did I answer? A rock star. A freaking rock star. THAT was a brilliant idea.

Actually, what I always knew, was that I just wanted to be my Mom. I wanted to support my husband, raise my children and take care of our house. I knew that from way back. But, suddenly that became un-cool. You HAD to pick something.

So, I went to a college prep high school. I was smart. Not genius smart ... but A's and B's (at Benet Academy that aint no slouch). I was ranked 57 out of 312 when I graduated. Yet, still, I didn't know what I wanted to do.

My Dad had always promised us that we could go where ever we wanted to go for school. He would pay for 4 years and 4 years only. I had friends going to Notre Dame, Duke, schools that cost arms, legs and bodies. After thinking about it (and being the world's BIGGEST chicken shit), I figured it was stupid to pay $50,00 a year for something that I had no clue what to do. State school would be fine for me.

UCF was great. I am proud of my school, and getting prouder. But even after I started, I STILL didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. Stupid me, even though I was VERY good at math and writing, I was sick of them, so I picked a major based on NOT having to do those things.

Criminal Justice degree here I come. Could I have been any more retarded? I wanted to "help" people. Duh. Whatever.

I graduated. And STILL didn't know what I wanted to do. My first job was at Best Buy because I couldn't find anything I wanted to do. Real impressive to tell the folks that want you at a 5 year reunion (thank God I lived in Florida at the time).

I finally got a job in my field working at a children's treatment center. Basically, I was an underpaid, overworked babysitter. These kids, mostly juvi kids, were nuts. I spent most of my days putting kids in holds, tackling them when they were trying to run and stopping hall riots. The day I broke my finger was when I had had enough.

I saw an ad in the paper to be a customer service rep at T Rowe Price. No experience needed - they would train you - you just needed a degree.

I got the job and it felt good to put on "work clothes" and go to work. But I still didn't feel it. For some, this was their dream job, getting their foot into the door in the financial industry. I just knew it was a good paycheck and I wasn't getting spit upon.

I moved from T Rowe to where I am now (it will be 10 years in June). I have enjoyed certain aspects of my career. But, as most of you have read from my previous posts, I hate most of it.

I am constantly trying to figure out what "job" would make me happy. I want to do something for myself. I know what I enjoy. I know what I am good at. But can they make money?

The biggest question for me is this: will I have time with my children. I didn't have babies only to drop them off to be in someone Else's hands 50% of the time.

What do I want to be when I grow up? I still think I know my answer. The pay isn't great. It is a dirty job and you NEVER get vacation. But the rewards are Heavenly. I want to be "mom."