Frustration

I only get a few nights out, away from my boys, every few months or so. I plan ahead, grab a babysitter and enjoy my evening.

I called last week to secure my babysitter for this coming Friday evening, when I have tickets for a play with some girlfriends. I get a phone call LAST night stating that her Mom said she couldn't watch the boys.

That gave me less than 3 days to find someone to give me a break ... a night out. EVERYONE that has done it in the past, or could do it is busy (of course - in the REAL world, people have PLANS, fun things to do with their time). ME? I will probably have to cancel AGAIN ....

I am so bummed. This deployment has finally started to really wear at me. When do I get my time? When do I get to concentrate on ME for over 30 seconds??? I am tired of being last on my list.

I feel so sad I am holding back the tears as I write this. I look forward to my girls' nights ... I don't get too many of them these days. Do I not deserve a break?

I love our Lord, but once again, I wonder why He cannot give me an easy time for a while. Still no full nights sleep, and now I cannot even have a night out????

What did I do to someone in my life to have Him so pissed off at me ......

Guess I should end my pity party now ... time to go home and take care of the little people.